do you think the "waitress test" as a good guide on how decent a person is?

[CarrieInAnotherBabi]

not sure where i rea about this, but it basically said you can tell what someones true personality is like by seeing how they treat waitresses.

ie, if they are pleasant, friendly polite they are decent.

if they act they thewaitress doesn't exisit or are rude or dissmissive that are an arse?

Seems reasonable to me.

I would say that's not a bad theory Carrie.

It may be a test but, IMO, it's not a reliable indicator of personality.

It someone treats waiting staff badly they are clearly an arse, but just because they may treat those that serve them well doesn't necessarily mean that they are decent and honourable.

Yes, H was abusive and was rude to 'thicko' staff as he put it, thought they were below his status. It was embarrassing to watch.

DP is caring understanding man and will be friendly and polite to staff in shops and restaurants. Lovely.

A reasonable theory, but as customer attitudes vary so much in different parts of the world, and waitressing attitudes can also vary, it is rather flawed.

For example, I find a lot of Americans treat waitressing staff very rudely, very few please or thankyous are used, but that isnt reflective on the person as a whole.

I would say that most people that are rude and dismissive to waiters probably have some sort of chip on their shoulder. It makes me want to climb under the table.

Certainly the way people treat someone they don't have to be polite to will give you an important clue about their attitudes - not foolproof, but if someone is an arse when he thinks he can get away with it, it's a warning sign about how he'll behave with you if he gets a chance.

Of course it isn't the whole story - i am sure there were serial killers who were nice to waitresses! But I guess those who are unpleasant to waitresses probably are a bit arse-like.

It's not about waitresses per se, so individual countries norms don't really matter.

It's more a test of whether a person saves up their respect/courtesy/decency for when it benefits them and doesn't bother with it when people are 'below' them. It's not real decency, it's just a tool for self advancement.

Once in the company of a uber twat, he made a young barman go back 3 times with a drink as it was not to his specifications. In the end, I said "leave it", uber twat mumbled on about "staff these days". His later knob behaviour then did not come as a total suprise.

My FIL, utter shithead to staff and the rest of the world in general. His family are not left out of things either, so glad to say he is even handed. I find it a very useful, but not definitive bench mark by which I set my opinion. Please and thank you cost nothing.

Good manners maketh the man or am i misquoting

There are certain people who infuriate their loved ones by being nice, cheerful, humourous etc with all strangers, colleagues, shop/restaurant staff, call centre staff, EVERYONE except their 'loved' ones in fact! DH was getting like this. Now stbxdh.

Depends, you get the type of man who will treat women "lower" than him and think all shop workers, etc, are the scum of the earth. These just aren't very nice people and don't really care.

The clever abuser, is usually the opposite IME. Very charming to others, very polite to everyone on the outside world. Creating a Mr charming impression to all those around him, the nicest/most polite/considerate guy ever type award.

Then goes home and beats his wife. Eventually when it all comes out, everyone is shocked, Mr nice guy was a twat behind closed doors.

'Manners maketh man' is the motto of Winchester College and New College, Oxford, which were both founded by William of Wykeham, one time Bishop of Winchester and Chancellor of England.

I'm not sure. Most people I have been in a restaurant with have been polite and showed courtesy towards the waiting staff but it hasn't stopped them being complete arseholes in other areas.

izzy so there is truth in that so. it costs nothing, but if you are an egomaniac...thats another story. Personally would run a fucking mile from a bell end of those dimensions.

The house devil/street angel thing is part of the same thing - they get something from being seen as the good guy, whereas his wife's opinion is irrelevant. Not the same thing as being a good guy.

But presumably you'd accept the other side of the equation? People being rude to waiting staff (and shop staff etc) are probably generally unpleasant people. Or is that a sign that actually they are always lovely at home?

ormirian what do you mean? i thought it meant that their behaviour to people in such roles as waitresses etc. was an indicator of their overall attitude. It means that in unguarded moments, ie. when they think it doesn;t matter their little polite mask slips enough to see through it.

It's a really good test, but the word 'waitress' is shorthand for a more complex deduction. For example, does he treat men and women in service roles as being lesser human beings, or does he only treat women like this? The former might indicate anything from a bad-mannered snob to someone who is an all-round arse. The latter however might indicate misogyny and a man who fundamentally either believes some women to be inferior, or all. There will always be other signs, but because this test is easy to apply at the 'dating stage' it can provide a useful jolt to the radar and therefore the ability to see them when they arise.

I don't think that treating waiting staff well means you are necessarily a good person.

But treating them poorly is a pretty good indicator of someone who you wouldn't want to be with.

Uber Twat and FIL, are vile to everyone. they take no prisoners and leave no innocent helper unharmed, disrespected or mistreated. I would agree in my FIL's case, women do not even register as human species. Oh and don't get him started on the Irish....which i happen to be but that doesn't stop him

Well of course it's a given that if a person treats waiters etc badly that they are an arsehole. I just don't think you can assume that someone is a decent person based on a 5 minute interaction in a restaurant.

I suppose spugglers that at least they get through the audition though....

Depends how hot the waitress is? My DP is always very polite to strangers, usually politer than he is to me as we're comfortable around each other now.

TBH i dont think 5 minutes of interaction with a waiter/waitress is any basis to form an opinion of someone's whole personality. i think you'd be quite naive to do so actually. i can't imagine getting in a row with my partner and afterwards crying to my friend "but he was so nice to that waitress on our first date"