do you think the "waitress test" as a good guide on how decent a person is?

[CarrieInAnotherBabi]

not sure where i rea about this, but it basically said you can tell what someones true personality is like by seeing how they treat waitresses.

ie, if they are pleasant, friendly polite they are decent.

if they act they thewaitress doesn't exisit or are rude or dissmissive that are an arse?

basically, form your opinion of someone based on their interactions with you because the waitress isn't the one moving in and having kids with them. you are.

I don't think it's the perfect test.
My DH can be really lovely and chatty to waiting staff, food and drink are his favourite subjects, doesn't stop him being an abusive wanker.

Absolutely, my DH has always embarrassed me in restuarants, shops, hotels etc. I used to think it was just a small thing but this was an indicator of the more serious anger issues he has. I wish i had run away the first time i saw him treat someone like crap. Everytime he got a bill from someone you would swear they were trying to rob him, no patience waiting for food to be served, never tips etc. So definately and indicator of an ass...

That is true Booy but in an early dating situation they are unlikely to deliberately show you the less pleasant sides of their personality. That is what the test is meant to be, I guess, as someone else said, spotting an 'unguarded moment'.

Oh I can't bear when people are rude to waitresses or shop assistants. Or anyone really. Unless they are rude and useless themselves in which case fair enough.

Client/waiter or waitress relationship is a 2 way dialogue. Lets face it not all establishments or staff are perfect or even good enough. Noone deserves to be treated unfairly but sometimes you have to be blunt in the face of poor service or effort (but hopefully not as far as rudeness, but just maybe....). I wouldn't use this sector as the test any more than public sector staff, or even something more taxing eg traffic wardens (when either the person being patient is your ideal man as he is a god, or he's a MUG).

Not hugely reliable. My ex-H was always charming & friendly towards "staff" of any kind. Was really good at creating that "instant mate" feeling. It wasn't because he was a nice, decent person, it was because he was always looking at ways of working a situation to his advantage.

I don't think it's a test I would base my entire judgement of a person on, but it is a good indicator of certain character traits.

My exH was always nervous and insecure around waiting staff, he was very good at hiding his insecurities in other areas of his life and it took me a few years to realise his horrible side was due this insecurity. My father, a lovely man, is also very insecure and unsure of himself with waiting staff, he also has never felt 'good enough' even though he's an amazing person and most definitely is.

My current DH is great with waiting staff, to the extent that we get a lot of freebies and extras and always leave feeling warm and fuzzy. He makes life a pleasure for the waiting staff and he does that with other people too.

It's one small part of a jigsaw when you are trying to get the measure of someone, not a complete test.

It's bollocks. Just because a man/woman has enough of the social graces to treat a waiter with respect does not mean they are a good or decent person all the way through.

I knew 2 men who were utterly charming to waiting staff yet they were both lying cheats when it came to relationships. Charming cheats, but cheats. So there.

Yes...my h is wonderful, funny and utterly charming to absolutely everyone. He punched me in the face and gouged bits of my arm out in August, after years of emotional and verbal abuse.

It's not bollocks amelia - you're misinterpreting the nature of the test (as I see it anyway)

Polite to waiting staff -> may or may not be an arse, no information here, look for other signs
Rude to waiting staff -> quite likely to an arse, be on amber alert

Even complete tosspots should know to be kind to the person bringing them food from a hidden area.

But yes in general I'd say it is a decent way of getting a person's personailty.

squeakytoy where did you hear these rude Americans? If it was Orlando you should know they probably weren't American. It is certainly not the norm here to be rude to wait staff. Weird generalization.

Yes. Also if they are tight over tipping then they WILL be squeaky-bum-tighter than two coats of paint.

I don't agree. ex partner was fine towards waitresses, but an utter shit otherwise.

squeakytoy where did you hear these rude Americans? If it was Orlando you should know they probably weren't American. It is certainly not the norm here to be rude to wait staff. Weird generalization

California, Michigan, Vegas.. and in the UK too.

I have a lot of american friends and relatives. It is very very rare that I ever hear them say "please" when they order their food, or "thankyou" when it arrives.

Personally I find that to be rude.

I'm another one who says it's not a reliable indicator.

My Ex was perfectly polite to waiting staff and used to tip 15% all the time, regardless.

If he fancied the waitress though, he used to leave a much largr tip!

Squeaky the use of 'pleases' and 'thank yous' has a huge cultural back ground. The English say these words a lot more than in many other countries IME. This isnt simply a question of rudeness.

IMO the 'waitress' test is a good simple early dating test. If a boyfriend/girlfriend fails to be polite to the people they arent trying to impress then this a sign that they will let the politeness slip once the girlfriend is landed.

Look, this test only works from the inference of a negative, not a positive. You can deduce nothing about someone's character if that person is polite and kind to waiting staff. However, your radar ought to be on alert if in the early days of seeing someone, that person is rude and dismissive to people in those positions.

I like and use this theory too! Its obviously not the only indicator but it gives you a good basis to go on.

I treat all people with respect, whatever their "station" in life.

I think it's a good indicator of how people are. I certainly would not date any man that treated them with disrespect. (And if I found it on a first date, I would walk away then and there).

So glad I passed that attitude on down to my son! He was talking today about when he worked as a waiter for a catering company and how people would look down on the African dishwashers. He would end up chatting with them.

I waited on loads of Americans in my holiday job years ( tea room in a town with a big castle) and they were unfailingly polite, interested in me as a person, and left big tips. Had lots of rude brits though.

It is bollocks Trills. The Op asked if being polite meant they were decent.

The example I gave was of men who were educated, had great social skills, but were not decent-they were deceitful twerps.

Knowing how to behave in public - which is what this is about- should be the absolute minimim code of behaviour for any educated person.

But it's a long way from being a "decent" human being in terms of having a relationship with them.

Anyway- the idea was probably conjured up by some journalist- so don't set too much store by what you read!

no

Someone once told me look at how your future dp/Dh treats their mother and that's how they will treat you one day!

Nope ..my ex who was horribly abusive would have been extremely charming to any waitress