DH body hair removal obsession

[TheEpilator]

I have name changed but I promise you I am not a troll! A few weeks ago DH joined a gym. Shortly afterwards he asked me to remove his back hair as it was embarrassing in the pool. I obliged because I thought the epilator would be hilariously painful, although I made it clear that I loved his body the way it is.

He then started talking about how he wanted to remove all his body hair as it makes him feel dirty and he felt that he would be happier if he was completely hairless. I got v upset, as I have always had a bit of a thing for hairy men and had no issue with his back hair or any other.

He said that as we don't have sex often enough that my opinion on his body didn't really count and that if it made him happy I should support him. I said it made me feel sick that he wanted to do it and that I wouldn't ever be able to go near him, that it would be the end of our physical relationship.

He didn't do it, but now I know that's how he feels I can't look at him in the same way. I have lost respect for him and find him sexually repulsive. Please help me!

Emilator? Did I just make up a word?

a cute one! Not sure what an Emilator would do, though.

He's got locker room insecurity. Half the men in the gym will have waxed arses (just like the women). Next stage is he will be buying giant canisters of whey powder and creatine and talking bollocks about splits and '5x5s'

Is he fairly suggestible/easily-influenced? If so keep a very close eye on him as it's very easy for men to fall into the trap of using steroids in gyms and it all stems from trying to keep up with the muscle marys.

i wish he would talk to my DH about epilating. I would love a hairless DH.

malinois, he isn't necessarily very suggestible but he will take things to the extreme, so every hobby he has will need £100s spending on it so that he has all the gear, he'll buy the mags, join the forums, then he moves onto something else.

Fuzzy, re: "Would you just live together and have separate lives outside the home?" that was actually my plan, but we had a big talk last night about the whole situation and have come to the sad conclusion that we are not compatible in lots of ways.

The body hair thing is probably a bit of a red herring, I just took it as another sign of him not taking my feelings into account, but it is one in a very long line of things that he has said and done that have upset me.

I'm very sensitive and unable to let things go, for instance on holiday in my swimming cozzy he said I looked like Bubbles from Little Britain here. He thought this was hilarious and wasn't meant as an insult . I cried for the rest of the day and can't go swimming without seeing that image.

He said that if we split (after 14 years) that he "wouldn't be happy" but if that's what I want then there's nothing he can do. This lack of emotional investment and unwillingness to try and be nicer to me is the real problem.

I can see where you're coming from with regards to feeling it would just be easier ifyou carried on living together but separeately...... BUT I just think that he sounds so undermining that it would just be a miserable soul destroying existence. I think you need to be able to be quite thick skinned/hard hearted to be able to live like that and you just don't sound that way....IYSWIM.

Although you think that you're not interested in having another reationship etc (I'm the same btw), a large part of that will be the result of him slowly sucking the life out of you and so would probably change if you left him.

That's true, I can't see anyone else being interested in me or accepting me for who I am, because he hasn't, so it seems easier not to expect it to ever happen. Once I have my self-esteem back I might feel differently.

Even since talking about separating last night I feel like a weight has been lifted, that there might be light at the end of the tunnel. He's almost given me a get-out clause by not beggin me to reconsider, he's shown how little it really means to him so I feel less guilty for initiating the split.

He sounds like a twat, frankly. All this 'one woman is enough ear-ache' and telling you you look like Bubbles and by the way your opinion doesn't count because you don't have sex enough, and the money spending and the lack of help with the kids, and here you are saying the problem is you being too sensitive?

Man's a twat. You want to leave him. He doesn't think you're worth trying harder for. It sounds like pretty much a done deal, frankly. I wouldn't live with a man who made it so clear that he thought women were beneath him, and neither should you.

That's true, I can't see anyone else being interested in me or accepting me for who I am, because he hasn't, so it seems easier not to expect it to ever happen :(

The fact that you feel there might be light at the end of the tunnel wrt to separating says it all really.

You shouldn't feel guilty either, he's brought this on himself.

I second what Tortoise said too. There are quite a few men out there who really do see women as second class citizens who are there to do the chores and provide sex, and are unworthy of any other time spent on them.

It wouldn't matter how fun, interesting or amzing you are to be with, he would be the same. I doubt he's ever even given you a chance even x

MeAndPuppy Funny enough I was going to call myself "bellybuttonfluff"

Well OP, I'm not glad that your marriage is coming to an end. But I am glad that you feel a bit more positive about that being the way forward.

Good Luck and in this instance, given a bit of time, I certainly think the grass will be greener for you.