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Original poster

man at work - emails

53 replies

holstenlips · 14/11/2011 19:53

I have been casually seeing someone i work with, for 3 and a bit months, very casual (more casual on his part - I would have taken it further) today another colleague and i were chatting and she mentioned that he has sent her a sort of flirty email or two..she said it was jokey but saucy! she doesnt know we have been seeing each other.. so i told him i knew and he said it was nothing was just a joke, but he apologised and said he wouldnt do it again as it meant nothing and he wants me.. seeing as we are casually dating only and not open about it at work does this seem ok? or is he a fuckwit lying bastard? the way we started seeing each other was that he emailed me with some flirty emails by the way. he has text me tonight to say he loves me! what do i do?

OP posts:
Bluebelle38 · 14/11/2011 19:54

He sounds like a dickhead, hon.

Original poster
holstenlips · 14/11/2011 19:55

yeah :(

OP posts:
MangoMonster · 14/11/2011 20:01

Sounds a bit off to me. Is there anythig about him that concerns you?

TheOriginalFAB · 14/11/2011 20:03

What do you want to do? Do you think he wanted to keep it quiet he was seeing you so he could try it on with someone else at work?

Original poster
holstenlips · 14/11/2011 20:06

well i told my mate at work (who knows ive been seeing him) and she said she had seen him 'eyeing up' said lady last week and then they worked alone together that day. lady is very nice but is quite a flirty one, she is single, and glam. i dont like the way he turned on her by saying to me he wouldnt 'touch her with a shitty stick' direct quote. he has been lovely to me but there is something about him i dont trust. he is a naturally flirty person, innuendo type. feel like a right dork now!

OP posts:
Original poster
holstenlips · 14/11/2011 20:07

since i told him i knew he has been texting me with a sense of desperation..i dont know if this is good or a danger sign!

OP posts:
PeppermintPasty · 14/11/2011 20:12

Your instincts are there for a reason. Tread carefully, he does sound a bit of a weasel-you know, readily doing this woman down when challenged. How do you feel about him? Could you walk away easily?

Original poster
holstenlips · 14/11/2011 20:14

i was pretty smitten in my own quiet way, hoping to take it further when ready (we both have kids so taking it slow) He texts me all the time, we went out last week and had sex! im shocked but dont feel like it will kill me to walk away.

OP posts:
Bluebelle38 · 14/11/2011 20:17

Well, I'd walk away. He sounds like a kid in a candy sore and is relentlessly texting you because he hasn't yet sealed the deal with his latest conquest.

Tell him to sod off. You deserve better than this.

Bluebelle38 · 14/11/2011 20:18

Latest 'potential' conquest, that should have read!

Original poster
holstenlips · 14/11/2011 20:20

yeah thats what my mate said, and is probably right..he just text me to say he would never mess up 'our future together' and that his comments were misconstrued..i wonder what he did email her!?!

OP posts:
TheOriginalFAB · 14/11/2011 20:21

It isn't good..

Bluebelle38 · 14/11/2011 20:25

Well you could always ask her?

he has behaved like a total idiot, really. He needs to learn a lesson here at the very least.

I'd find out what he said although I think he is just back-tracking and I wonder if you'd be able to trust him down the line.

Original poster
holstenlips · 14/11/2011 20:25

he keeps telling me he is genuine and that he thinks we have a future together..i feel a bit sick now..he started sweating when i told him i knew about his emails.. im going to text back now and ask him what he emailed her or is that stupid?

OP posts:
Original poster
holstenlips · 14/11/2011 20:27

i could ask her, she just said he got a 'bit saucy' and she said 'oh watch it, you never know who could read this' and he said he didnt really care. i dont know when this was either. i feel like kicking his arse.

OP posts:
Bluebelle38 · 14/11/2011 20:27

Ask him, most definitely. See if he can be honest. You will always wonder if you decide to stay with him otherwise.

See how upfront he is about it... you'll probably get a censored version of events though...

Bluebelle38 · 14/11/2011 20:29

ERRR, that sounds pretty bad in my books. That wasn't a little flirtation but him letting her know he was into her and didn't care who knew (he obviously expected her to keep it to herself). That is my take on it anyway.

MangoMonster · 14/11/2011 20:30

He doesn't sound like someone who respects you.

Original poster
holstenlips · 14/11/2011 20:30

yeah bluebelle, think youre right, he is a serial email pest obviously! wonder how many others!!

OP posts:
EverybodysScaryEyed · 14/11/2011 20:33

Well your OP wouldn't have had me booting him out on the basis that he'd have to be a bit of an idiot to come onto someone where you both work! And you don't actually know what was said.

However, your gut is giving you good advice! If you don't feel he is trustworthy etc then bin him. You are the only one on this thread who actually knows him and the fact you posted strongly suggests you know this relationship isn't right.

buzzswellington · 14/11/2011 20:33

Don't ask him, he'll be bound to downplay it. If you want to know, meet up & have him to show you when you're together (don't tell him you're going to ask that beforehand), or ask to see the emails your friend has.

He sounds like he flirts with every woman at work to me and he's been keeping his options open.

If you had assumed you were exclusive, but never had that conversation and it's supposed to be casual, I don't know that you have anything to complain about.

PeppermintPasty · 14/11/2011 20:35

I feel a bit horrible saying this, but now you've had sex, is he ticking you off the list and trying others? That's what I would think if it were me, which sounds sadder than I meant it to!

SolidGoldVampireBat · 14/11/2011 20:40

You have been having a casual relationship with this man, which means that unless you had agreed that the relationship should be exclusive, he doesn't actually have to be monogamous and he isn't necessarily doing anything wrong. It's OK to want a monogamous relationship, but it's silly and unethical to assume you're having one without discussing it.

Original poster
holstenlips · 14/11/2011 20:44

well we are casual but we both agreed not to 'see' other people. he says all the time that im all he ever wants etc etc , he does flirt and make innuendo type comments a lot i think its just him BUT the warning bell is the way he batted it off and he has just text me to say he wasnt eyeing her up, it was another fella in the office, and that to me says 'pin it on someone else' gah im going round in circles, i text him and he said the emails were jokey about sex. yes we had sex, and he told me loved me which was lovely but now it seems a bit weird.

OP posts:
Bluebelle38 · 14/11/2011 20:48

I think if HE is saying he wouldn't do anything to jeapardise their future then he is supposedly in a relationship with a future.