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Original poster

man at work - emails

53 replies

holstenlips · 14/11/2011 19:53

I have been casually seeing someone i work with, for 3 and a bit months, very casual (more casual on his part - I would have taken it further) today another colleague and i were chatting and she mentioned that he has sent her a sort of flirty email or two..she said it was jokey but saucy! she doesnt know we have been seeing each other.. so i told him i knew and he said it was nothing was just a joke, but he apologised and said he wouldnt do it again as it meant nothing and he wants me.. seeing as we are casually dating only and not open about it at work does this seem ok? or is he a fuckwit lying bastard? the way we started seeing each other was that he emailed me with some flirty emails by the way. he has text me tonight to say he loves me! what do i do?

OP posts:
Original poster
holstenlips · 14/11/2011 20:52

for an earlydays relationship , this isnt actually worth the hassle is it?! trouble is i feel a bit besotted and if i finish it will i find it really hard - i have to work with him ,cant walk away! i think im going to say 'im out, but if you want me you will have to try a bit harder' is that silly?

OP posts:
buzzswellington · 14/11/2011 20:55

Yes.

Original poster
holstenlips · 14/11/2011 20:56

haha!

OP posts:
MissBeehiving · 14/11/2011 21:00

It's the evasion, blaming other people and slagging off the other women he's flirted with that I wouldn't like. Sounds like a wanker.

Original poster
holstenlips · 14/11/2011 21:02

and you would think if he was that worried about 'losing' me he would have called me tonight instead of sending texts!! Im going to dump him. thank you all kindly. x

OP posts:
Bluebelle38 · 14/11/2011 21:07

Ask him what he said exactly and then find out off her. i suppose then at least you will know if he is telling the whole truth.

he is was sending flirty emails to a single woman. I'd not be happy, especially in light that you had recently just slept together for the first time.

BearWith · 14/11/2011 21:17

Good call holsten, re the dumping. If your instincts are telling you stuff about him initially and also regarding his covering up what he did, you should trust them.

Bluebelle38 · 14/11/2011 21:29

Good for you.

Let him regret it good and proper now. What a total plonker.

flatbellyfella · 15/11/2011 12:53

People don't send sexy saucy e mail unless they are after the recipient ,in my opinion. Walk away with your head held high.

elastamum · 15/11/2011 14:18

WTF!!! You are at the start of a relationship when everyone is supposed to be on their best behaviour and he should be out to impress you. His isnt very good and probably wont get any better. Unless you thrive on misery I think you should walk away. Dump him fast!

fuzzynavel · 15/11/2011 14:53

OP why would you want to be with a man that sends "saucy" emails to all and sundry?

It started out as casual, you wanted more and he is showing you (never mind what he texts, they're just words) that is clearly not the case where he's concerned.

Hate to say it, he's got what he wanted from you and is now testing other knickers waters.

Get shot of him.

Original poster
holstenlips · 15/11/2011 20:18

So.. today i asked the lady he sent emails to what sort of content they were and she told me they werent a come-on, more just 'naughty' joking around, but sexually explicit and she told him to watch out as they could get fired. I told him i knew what sort of comments he made to her and he just said he was sorry and would never do it again, wouldnt want to hurt me etc. I have told him I dont want to carry on seeing him. He has text me a number of times asking for another chance and that he wants us to try again. Its so hard not to give in, but that niggling doubt is there. I noticed today he has a rather crude sense of humour and tends to make jokes with everyone, which is quite funny at times. He said he is so sad and feels terrible for making me feel hurt. Im not doing anything further because i dont know what to think! Thanks everyone for replies.

OP posts:
pictish · 15/11/2011 20:25

Hiya - I think the most telling part of it all is when he said he wouldn't touch her with a shitty stick.
What a needlessly horrible and disrespectful thing to say, given HE had sent HER flirtatious emails!

Says it all. All style - no substance.

Trust your instincts.

Original poster
holstenlips · 15/11/2011 20:30

i know what a horrible thing to say given that he had been flirting with her really, whether he calls it that or not. damn. i thought before this , that he was what i was looking for ''yeah right''! whyohwhy do i have to work with him, hes been giving me puppy dog eyes all day the twonk.

OP posts:
Bluebelle38 · 15/11/2011 20:45

I totally agree with pictish!

All style and no substance.

Holstenlip - stay strong, be the woman that didn't fall for the puppy dog eyes.

He wasy inadvertently making a fool of you contacting her like that, and his description of her is disgusting - after he flirted. How dare he. You'll do so much better. Such early days and he does this... says it all really.

Don't worry about working with him. He made a total show of himself and he has to live with that - not you :)

pictish · 15/11/2011 20:51

It certainly encapsulates his attitude towards women.
The email lady was a perfect plaything and well worth entertaining himself with, until she inadvertantly and innocently threw a spanner in his works....and then she became worthless. Wouldn't touch her with a shitty stick.

Picked up and dropped. Just like that. No respect at all.

Original poster
holstenlips · 15/11/2011 21:10

thankyou for making me feel better :)

OP posts:
pictish · 15/11/2011 21:12

Oh shit - was that you being sarky??
Sorry - no offence intended at all.

I just think it's better to trust your instinct and I believe that yours is correct. x

Bluebelle38 · 15/11/2011 21:20

Yes, agree, pictish, the other woman didn't play ball by keeping her trap shut so she has to be demoralised. He is sad, Holstenlips. He won't forget your ballsy attitude in a hurry. Good for you :)

heleninahandcart · 15/11/2011 21:40

'shitty stick' comment does it for me. He is no puppy he's a dog. You stay strong.

Actually an insult to dogs...

SolidGoldVampireBat · 15/11/2011 21:53

It's early days and he's already giving you a headache? Dump and move on. WRT having to work with him, just be pleasant but a bit distant; hopefully he will not make a pest of himself.

beatenbyayellowteacup · 15/11/2011 22:06

You want more, he clearly doesn't. So it's not a good match.
That's my nice persona speaking.

What I really want to say is: this guy has no respect for women, he's acting like a misogynist ie has no regard for you or any other woman except as a tool to feed his ego. He's a big dick and you are better off believing you deserve someone who thinks you are amazing.

Original poster
holstenlips · 16/11/2011 18:07

actually, he is not a big dick beatenbya, i saw it remember ;) i clocked him leering at email woman today...i feel well rid. dont think any trust would be a good start! x

OP posts:
wtfwtf · 16/11/2011 21:25

Sorry, he sounds like the office sex pest to me. We had a few of them where I worked who seemed to try it on with everyone at some point. Email seems to give them an easy way in. They were all married too, I think they were addicted to the thrill of the chase. Sad

Lucky escape, well done for recognising it and getting shot! Onward and upward..

AnyFucker · 16/11/2011 21:29

any bloke that picks out a woman and says "wouldn't touch her with a shitty stick" deserves dumping, from a great height

well done to you

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