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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Frustration with sex

62 replies

DadIsSad · 13/11/2011 04:41

Somehow we had sex tonight (or is that last night now?) First time in over 3 years. I'd been being grumpy all day due to being injured so not going out doing what we'd planned on today (and not really doing anything else instead), so amazed it happened at all today of all days - maybe it was out of sympathy? The trouble is it didn't really happen properly - don't have a problem with getting an erection, but I did have a problem with completing. Eventually DW got frustrated and upset and I had to stop. I think I could live with the frustration, but really not happy at upsetting her.

Not feeling any less grumpy (not having sex has been a significant factor in my depression) and now I can't sleep, so doubtless I'll be even more grumpy tomorrow. I don't know whether I should feel happy that it seems having sex is no longer totally out of the question, though I'm not sure after that, which didn't really end well for either of us, how many years it will be before we try again. I'm not about to get any better at sex with the amount of practice I'm getting.

Can't see how anybody on here is likely to help at all, but I need to unburden - DW is happily asleep, not that I'm sure how to discuss this with her anyway.

OP posts:

PootlePosyPumpkin · 13/11/2011 23:33

As you have been depressed lately OP, I wonder whether you've been taking anti-depressants at all? Several have delayed ejaculation as a side effect. If so, you may need to ask your GP for a different one.

Moodykat · 13/11/2011 23:35

Sorry PJ, it was the tone of your post I think. Sorry for adding to general post hijak too, it just got my back up!

AnyFucker · 13/11/2011 23:39

moody...what are you apologising for ?

Moodykat · 13/11/2011 23:39

OP - is DW on anti depressants? Or any other meds? I see you say she's not been interested so could it be down to that? My old contraceptive pill meant I wasn't interested. Anti depressants had the same effect! (I know it's been mentioned from your POV, but I think it sounds like a thing you really need to tackle together).

izzywhizzyspecanpie · 13/11/2011 23:56

Don't be disheartened OP. At least you have had what Mumbling has described as an "encunter" which, in itself, seems to be cause for celebration after an hiatus of 3 years

I hope that your recent intimacy reminded your dw of happier times when you both enjoyed an active sex life and that practice will make perfect.

On the subject of whether size matters, I shall resist the temptation to mention AF's back door as I feel sure that you will find a way to reach a mutually satisfying accomodation.

MrFawkesMan · 14/11/2011 00:00

Izzy... Are you saying size doesn't matter in AF's back door?

You guys must be sharing serious info in other threads

AnyFucker · 14/11/2011 00:03

my back door is not up for discussion

liverLadyLass · 14/11/2011 00:04

Hi Op,, why haven't you both made love in three years? Is it the problem which was suggested?? And why was your wife upset as you had trouble completing?? Was your wife hurrying you to finish?? Sorry for all the questions!

HappyHubbie · 14/11/2011 16:17

I don't know what age you are OP, but certainly I've noticed that as I get older it becomes more difficult to 'complete' the job. I'm certainly less sensitive than I was and it can take me forever to get the job done. I don't think there's anything medically wrong, it's just a symptom of getting older. From reading these boards it seems that a lot of women don't orgasm by penetration alone and need some manual stimulation as well (or instead). That pretty much sums me up too these days, but if it's acceptable for women then it should be no less acceptable for men.

Getting back in the saddle after three years must be quite a daunting prospect, especially if you're not sure about the end result. You need to work at it together, discuss it with your wife, take the pressure off and just see what happens.

izzywhizzyspecanpie · 15/11/2011 03:34

My lips are sealed, MrFawkes... at least until Friday

MsWeatherwax · 15/11/2011 06:28

Whether you made sure she had an orgasm seems the important question to me in terms of whether she's likely to want it again. Were you grumpy and dissatisfied during the sex? That's also likely to put her off, yes. If you go in with the right attitude and make sure she understands it's your problem not her/her body's then I am sure you can have some very fulfilling encounters. As you become used to sex again you are likely to have your orgasms come back. If it is part of an ongoing medical symptom then get it checked out of course (antidepressants are a very likely cause.) If you go in with the attitude of enjoying what you can out of it and not worrying about the orgasm (as so many women with elusive orgasms do) you and your wife will do doubt have a better experience.

paranoidandroidwreckmyownlife · 15/11/2011 08:06

OP if you've been self servicing for 3 years it's more likely you have far less sensitivity due to what's called Death Grip Syndrome than your DW has loosened. It's very elastic down there (designed to accomodate a baby then return to normal) but your nerve endings may be suffering a bit.

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