Am I overreacting? H paints inside walls of conservatory green

[wondering2]

without consulting me. When I complain that we haven't discussed this or agreed, he maintains he has always told me he was going to paint the inside green and that he is "not bothered about me".....

Well, I suppose you could cheerily repaint them magnolia/pink/orange and claim that
you'd always said you would
and
you're not bothered about him...

Whether this is ground for divorce depends entirely on the shade of green and the quality of the paint used.

If he's used a tasteful Farrow & Ball muted green it's unlikely that you will succeed, but if it's a hideous in your face B&Q number the Judge is likely to look favourably on your petitiion and will require your newly ex-h to fork out for a professional makeover before he complies with the Court's order to vacate the house immediately and make it over to you in its entirety

thing is though, in the context of the rest of our relationship which is rarely good, it really does feel like the straw that broke the camel's back...

yes lottie, he claims that the fact that the conservatory is messy (not only my mess, his as well) means I have no right to decide what colour the walls are (or words to that effect) so I did say that even though the attic is full of h's stuff does not mean I can suddenly decide to paint it purple! It's very difficult for me to deal with things like this as there is quite a strong territorial thing going on. The house is h's only, as well as the other 3 buildings he owns and it does feel like he has ultimate control and power of decision

and that he doesn't give a toss about me or what I think which he tells me often enough one way or the other

it does feel like he has ultimate control and power of decision

It won't feel like that if you take yourself off to see a solicitor who specialises in divorce and family law (if you have dc).

You may well find that you wield considerable 'control and power of decision' as to the disposal of all 4 properties, and certainly enough power to make it clear that you're not remotely bothered about your soon to be ex-h.

H has just announced that he is going to get rid of my magazines which are taking up two shelves in a bookcase because they made the bookshelf too heavy to move (when trying to paint the wall behind it ) and I never look at them (true but none of his business surely??). No point in responding at the time because he will just go off on one but I really am wondering whether it is justifiable for me to be upset by all of this or if it's normal for other halves to behave in this way?? The four buildings thing makes it sound like he is rolling in it but the truth is there is a mortgage and a debt.

Certainly not normal in my house. Most decisions are joint and my DH would never be so disrespective to tell me " he is not bothered about me"
His balls would make a nice pair of earings--and he lnows this

Kill him.

The walls of the conservatory? But not the actual glass, right?

No, not normal.

Imagine how he'd behave if you announced you were getting rid of his stuff. Would he just accept it? No? There you go then.

Tell him that he is not going to get rid of your magazines.

by walls I mean the part between the windows - ours is kind of a lean to with a lot of wall iyswim - sorry, didn't make it clear - it's like an extra room really

who is hully????

DH has never painted anything. Sorry, not much help. If you leave him though, can I email you my address? For painting purposes.

@ Tumbles. That I'd like to see but not nececcesarily not out of, as the case maybe.

You're married to a selfish, inconsiderate, twunt, okay? Now that fact has been established, empower yourself by having a cosy little chat with a solicitor and return home to start laying down the law in the same manner that he does to you.

Forget about painting the attic purple - just go up there and paint the twunt's stuff purple and watch his face turn the same colour when he remonstrates and you say 'am I bovvered?' (don't forget to post some pix).

Freeze-dried and lacquered, doha? Or covered in gold leaf with a filigree design?

My DH painted my DDs woodwork PURPLE once. Without asking...doors, frames, skirting....it looked awful.

If I were you I would go out and buy more paint and do it all again when he's not there. But that's me and I am perverse.

hully is mumsnet's secret weapon

You'll be in no danger as long as she doesn't spot your post

ive painted things without consulting dh. Frankly if i go to the effort to do the work I get to choose the color. Repaint if you dont like

Yes ok if neutral colour but bright dark green??

Leave The Bastard.

Wait till he's done and then go paint little red spots all over the green.

Tell him that the conservatory is messy and therefore he has no right to decide that the walls be spot-free. Tell him you're not bothered by what he thinks.

Hmm. That would be fun. But actually perhaps you should sit down and work out why you are still in this relationship? What are the things that make him worth staying with? What are the things that could be made better? Why do you think he is still with you, if he doesn't care what you think or feel about anything? etc!

We are still together because we have three children (5, 7 and 9). I know the whole things sounds a little ridiculous but within the context of how difficult and non communicative things are between us, the painting thing really exemplifies how little dh gives a toss about what I think about ANYTHING. He is icily independent and I think our relationship has really reached a natural end (probably a long time ago)...

Izzy l'm liking the "covered in gold leaf with a filigree design" with added tinsel for christmas sparkle

Love the tinsel idea, Doha. There must be a way to make them light up ... l'il batteries?

If your relationship is dead in the water, honey, do the decent thing - fish the corpse out and bury it before it pollutes its surroundings.

Life is far too short to live it in misery - and what example are you setting for your dc?