Hi,
I posted a couple of weeks back about my long distance relationshi[p with Mr california and how he was out of work STILL and I was sick of sending over money to pay his rent. We were engaged and I was looking at emigrating, leaving my flat in this climate. I was continually worried about the whole scene.
Well it has escalated.
When I wrote that thread, I did indeed break up with him. I may be a fool sometimes, but it never lasts too long, and I told him not to change, but I was going to leave. The issues were him drinking too much (binging every two or three weeks, sometimes longer breaks in between but still drinking all day the next day and then maybe the next and the next day after that as well!!!!) - him not having been in stable work cos he couldn't afford to insure his car and therefore would not drive it. Exceot to drink drive down to the store for more JD.
When I went there for visit no 4 in Sept, he had passed out the one time we had a few drinks (I was thinking, I've got to leave, this is awful, but HOW am I going to do it without hurting him???) - anyway I went on his laptop and his facebook was open and I looked (great adult relationship behaviour which I am ashamed of) and found lots of messages from old girlfriends of his.
Stuff like (from one girl) 'You broke my heart blah blah' - why is he having recent convos like that with girls???
One from him - 'Why aren't we fucking??? Its the one thing we were good at!'
I thought, well that's obviously it. I told him in the morning and he said it was all innocent and that he says inappropriate things when he is drunk.
You are all going 'Yeah yeah' right now.
In my heart I was terribly worried. How would I bring the whole scene off - for both of us? How would I sort my flat to rent it safely, go there, wjhat if his income was always sporadic??? I mean srsly? I certainly didn't want to be paying for it all!
And then emails like that??? Innocent or not, I am not having that sort of conversation with ANY other men. If it was innocent, the one thing he couldn't explain was the fact that he was dealing inappropriately with other women.
Anyway so I came home grave in my heart, but carried on.
One day I saw ANOTHER comment on facebook!! This time it was regarding a photo - 'Oh you're so beautiful, kinda missing my ex-girlfriend right now....' (That girl was his ex.) I negged him to set me free. He told me he was cheering her up, she is gay and split with her girlfriend, I am mean for not
wanting him to cheer her up!!!
Again, innocent or not, I don't want to be with a man who behaves like that. It had to end.
Then that breakup took place. It was so sad! We had been so close, I had committed to marrying him, I liked my new surname - all that. I broke up with him on the Saturday and facebooked that gay woman asking if she'd keep an eye on him cos I thought he might drink too much and I worried about him having a heart attack cos he got chest pains - I mean srsly, give up the drink fool!!!
I didn't hear from her until Monday night.
Foolishly, I had got back with him in the interim week!! He had emailed me such a sweet message saying that he was still there, not going anywhere, he was quietly going to carry on with the shit job he is doing and get things together and somehow we'd find a way. I was happy on one hand but the dreadful worries also come along with that.
BUT he drank all weekend again!!!! I hate it! I woke up early on Monday yet a bloody gain, worrying about his suitability. I then told him that. It hung in the balance. I dreaded breaking up with him AGAIN - not to hurt him you see!!!
When I got home, that woman had responded to me - asking me what dates we were together and had we ever made it official!
On the one hand, that let me off the hook completely - fresh start, don't have to worry about him at all, the END.
On the other - has he mugged me off for 2 years???????????
I actually rang her up for a chat. This is what she said -
a) He has always been crashing at people's places, borrowing money, in and out of work.
b) He had her up the wall by her throat when they were 21.
c) He cheated on her.
d) They went to a gig together in May which he was contacting me all the way around - 'Hi I'm going love you!! Hi I'm back, had a great time, here are the photos and youtube vids.' I was lying on nmy sofa thinking, aww bless he's had a nice time, good for him!!!
e) On Oct 16 he sent her a private msg which she read to me saying she had the most beautiful face he had ever seen and something about can she come round as he wants to kiss her.
She then let me be her friend on facebook so I could see her video of the gig. I was too drunk by the time I watched it to really see him, and didn't care by that time anyway. But I did see lots of long comment threads between them, very intimate, she chased him sometimes, but he was saying stuff which I consider to be inappropriate.
I wrote to her thanking her for letting me see all that, but saying I had also seen the way she had been speaking to my boyfriend and never wanted to hear from he or her ever again, and then I blocked her.
I have told him he is a waster and a loser and that I hated America anyway and felt lucky to have escaped him and not lost my little flat and only watsed 2 years on him.
But now it is sinking in and I don't know what to think. I believed in the lovely long emails he wrote to me. He used to talk to me all the time. Morning noon and night. I cannot reconcile it with having secrets. I had no secrets from him. I haven't been paying his rent since Aug and have sent nothing for some weeks now, and he was working and I honestly believed in him, that he could work it all out and we would be fine.
But I cannot reconcile the other women and the money I have leant him and the lies. Have I been a complete fool? I cannot believe it.