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Original poster

What should I do?

74 replies

dowhatyouwant · 04/11/2011 15:48

It was my husband's leaving drinks yesterday. He works in a bank in city.
He didnt come home until 11pm so I txted him ''Why work drinks is that long?'' he said "That's the rule :)" He came home at 12.40. He was very drunk and said I went somewhere in Farringdon to my question where he had been to.
Next day after close questioning he answered he went to O'Neil, APT near his office and Griffins with his colleagues. I looked up on the Interenet and Griffins is a strip pub(bar/club). I was extremely shocked and angry as he'd never been any strip club before. I remember him saying the other day '' I dont go and spend a few hundreds pounds in a strip club like everyone else at work.''

He said he was very drunk and didnt even remember he went there.
As far as I know he's never got drunk until he loses his memory. He said he relaised because he doesnt drink much these days he cant manage drinking as much as before.

Do men have sex if they go to a strip club or do they just watch lap dance? Should I get him to check STI? Actually we did check-up together the day before his leaving drinks! Should I ask him one more time?

And do most men go to a strip club like his said?

Sorry for too many questions please answer if you know any of them..

OP posts:
Original poster
dowhatyouwant · 04/11/2011 17:18

I meant when I started being a relationship with him

OP posts:
Original poster
dowhatyouwant · 04/11/2011 17:21

I dont want to believe him having sex with a prostitute but I wasnt not there so I dont know what happened. I may have to assume that he didnt have sex in a strip bar as all you said it's No touching policy and men dont have sex in a strip club.

OP posts:
Laquitar · 04/11/2011 17:27

It is not just the test. You texted him at 11pm? 'why work drinks is that long'? Tbh i wouldn't be happy if my dh sent me this text at 11pm.
And then you went straight to the internet to check out the bar? Why?

Is there a bad history? You don't seem to trust him.

Original poster
dowhatyouwant · 04/11/2011 17:38

No you didnt understand my writing. I didnt know he went to a strip bar at the time I texted him.

OP posts:
TooEasilyTempted · 04/11/2011 17:47

Poor guy was probably making the most of a bit of rare freedom by the sounds of it! Grin

If my DH text me on a night out at 11pm asking why I was taking so long I'd stay our even later.

As for the STI checks 5 years into your relationship, and questioning him on which bars he went to then looking them up on the Internet, I think your issues run deeper than this one night out.

eandz · 04/11/2011 17:54

does your husband have a habit of staying out late often?

Original poster
dowhatyouwant · 04/11/2011 17:56

I know him very well spending with him for 5 years. Basically I cant accept men going to a strip bar. My husband's never done while we've been together and this is his first time going there. After STI checkup I believed the resualt will be negative.I just cant believe this happend to me. I never thought he would go to a strip club while marriage. He said he wont go again but I already lost trust on him.

OP posts:
Original poster
dowhatyouwant · 04/11/2011 17:58

No he always came home early. Once a week he goes to a pub for a quick drink with his collugues

OP posts:
Original poster
dowhatyouwant · 04/11/2011 17:59

*with his colleagues and comes home at 8 or 9 on the day

OP posts:
Ephiny · 04/11/2011 18:07

I think it's looking not touching at those places usually? I would not be particularly impressed if DP went somewhere like that as I don't think they're nice, but it's not the same thing as going with a prostitute. More the equivalent of looking at porn I suppose. It sounds like he got drunk and went along with the crowd, maybe he should try not to drink so much in future if it makes him behave out of character and do things he wouldn't normally think were a good idea.

You don't sound like you trusted him very much to begin with though, you were checking up on him by text, and subjecting him to 'close questioning' the next day, before there was even any mention of a strip club.

RealityIsADistantMemory · 04/11/2011 18:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cheesesarnie · 04/11/2011 18:14

id be concerned that he drank that much that he forgot but tbh i dont think he did forget,i think he knows your views on strip clubs and 'forgot'.
it doesnt sound like theres much trust in your relationship.

BertieBotts · 04/11/2011 18:20

I think the trust thing and the strip club thing are two totally different issues here and you're getting a cross section of replies which are blurring the two.

It's perfectly fine to find strip clubs unacceptable. They're horrible places. I'd lose massive amounts of respect for anyone I knew who went there willingly. (And only a bit of respect if they went unwillingly Wink) What kind of view of women must someone hold to find that kind of thing entertaining? Eurgh.

An STI test five years into the relationship, if you haven't had one before is likely to be a bit late, but still, fine and probably quite sensible. If you're insisting you both have one every year then possibly there could be trust issues there (I would be quite upset if my DP asked me to do this) but it's not the end of the world if you're both happy with it.

I think you probably shouldn't have texted at 11 on his works night out too. 11 isn't that late (12.40 isn't that late) and unless there was some particular reason he needed to be back early, it's best to leave each other to it. Would he text you if you were out that late?

MardyArsedMidlander · 04/11/2011 18:20

You texted him on his leaving do???
You want him tested for STIs because he saw a stripper?????

The poor bastard.

BertieBotts · 04/11/2011 18:21

Leaving drinks a bit different to normal after-work drinks.

Maryz · 04/11/2011 18:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cheesesarnie · 04/11/2011 18:26

agree maryz!

MardyArsedMidlander · 04/11/2011 18:42

Last leaving do at my workplace, we ended up in a lap dancing club. And it was an all female group.

It was the only place still serving drinks at that time. And my friend stole a banana costume off a stag party and wore it home. It was just silliness- which is nice even when you are a proper grown up.

Original poster
dowhatyouwant · 04/11/2011 18:46

I now understand men only watch and dont have sex in a strip club , griffin is rather a pub with a couple of naked women. And on the condition of being drunk he cant have sex. BUT I still think I can only accept if I have proof. I saw his underpants taken off last night there was no sperm on there apart from a bit of pee. Can this be proof?

OP posts:
MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 04/11/2011 18:57

What Mandoo said is wrong... Normally it's a look don't touch policy so unlikely that he had sex with anyone

The "norm" in many clubs today is that if the club has private booths then the customers can pay for a private "dance" where the girls can touch the men but the men are not meant to touch the dancers...this can be anything from the irl gyrating on his penis (in his pants) or to her giving him oral sex.

Depends on the club and the dancer but it is a known fact that many clubs encourage the girls to do this but say a different story to the press.

MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 04/11/2011 18:59

By the way this is a subject that I am educated about....I have researched it for a theatre project I was involved in.

Maryz · 04/11/2011 19:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 04/11/2011 19:22

What are you on about Maryz I'm a egular poster and I assure you there is nothing windy about what I posted.

manicbmc · 04/11/2011 19:23

I think Maryz meant the OP.

MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 04/11/2011 19:24

Is it because I said I researched it for a theatre project? The project in question was in conjunction with female prisoners, some of whom had been sex workers and the play was devised by myself and them....I looked into the subject of lap dancing and prostitution pretty deeply.