37 weeks preg & no libido - but DH thinks I should still be satisfying him

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I'm 37 weeks pregnant. Up till now, me and DH have had fairly regular sex - it's not always been easy, or enjoyable (due to my hip and back pain), but I've felt it important to keep going. But in the last few days, I've lost my sex drive. I still want to kiss and cuddle with DH, but don't want to have sex, and feel uncomfortable about him touching me anywhere intimate, and I'm not keen on intimately touching him either. It's probably a combination of factors - I'm absolutely exhausted, and my body seems to be gearing up for birth etc, hence I'm feeling weird about my breasts being sexual objects (because I'll be using them to feed our son). Plus, we've been arguing a lot, and that makes me feel low and affects my sex drive too. And lastly, I've had SPD since 10 weeks pregnant, discomfort is now so bad I'm about to get crutches, but I feel I've manfully struggled on through the pain to allow us to have an active sex-life up till now (usually a couple of times a week).
Last couple of evenings I've just want to kiss/cuddle and nothing else, and I've told DH that I probably wasn't up for it at the moment and maybe we could just focus on being physically close without sex until after the baby is born. Last night, he gave me a back rub (which was very nice & much appreciated, I was really aching) then gets all huffy because I wont do anything for him. He said I should be thinking of his needs, and giving him a rub to get him off. I said I really didn't want to do that - I might as well be anyone, and anyway I don't feel comfortable with doing it at the moment (and I talked to him again about all my reasons). He got very angry and dramatic, declaring that sex was now dead in our marriage because I wont make any effort at all, but don't worry he'd have to deal with it because he had no choice. I feel he's pressuring me, not in a nice way, and being supremely unsympathetic to my situation and feelings, while he thinks I'm being selfish and "me-me-me". I feel he's done little as it is to support me in my pregnancy. Does anyone have a different view, that I really ought to be making the effort to see to his needs for the next couple of weeks, regardless of how it makes me feel?

What a prick! I gave birth 3 months ago and sex is still painful! dh would not want to have sex with me if it hurt me. It is meant to be an enjoyable act for both of you, not something you owe him. If you have a daughter, how would he feel about another man pressuring her when she is grown up?

What a selfish arse. I can't believe he is happy to have sex knowing that you're in agony and not enjoying it. There's no way my DH would even be capable if he knew it was painful and I wasn't in the mood. Tell him to go fuck himself!

Been thinking about this. A person who would put their desire to have sex at a higher priority than the pain them having sex would put the other person through has got something seriously wrong.

My ex used to say that I could put up with a bit of back pain (it was bloody excrutiating) now and then so that he could fulfil his sexual desire.

Now that I'm in a healthy relationship I realise this is a form of control and abuse and is really, really wrong.

my 4th pregnancy i had spd and sporadic sciatica.had sex once during pregnancy and was about 8months after before tried again.bloke was an absolute trooper and never badgered me to do anything and was quite happy to settle for a cuddle and reassurance i still loved him.yours needs an almighty kick up the arse the inconsiderate piss ant!

The main thing here for me is that having sex is painful for you, that makes intercourse a no no.

Im thinking maybe if he wasnt being so insensitive you could still have a mutually satisfying sex life-you dont have to have full intercourse.

I can understand anyone feeling rejected and frustrated by a lack of intamacy/sex, but it sounds like there isnt much intamacy anyway?

I just cannot fathom how he could find it pleasurable knowing it causes you pain.

Your dh is being a massive tosser(bad choice of words). I am 37 weeks this week, i have had sex pretty much everyday of my pregnancy so far but this week i'm done, i'm tired i'm swollen i need to wee my back hurts and if we did have sex it would be purely for his pleasure as it's not doing anything for me.
I told dh all along that the amount of sex, abnormal for us was to make up for the lack of sex in the weeks after the baby was born. Really he needs to learn to take himself off for a quiet wank in the shower if he's desperate as what will he be doing after your baby is born?

I'm a bit that someone would have sex every day - let alone in pregnancy - (each ro their own) but more so as a bargain against a lack of sex after the baby is born.

I've said that because it is relevant to the op to know that sex is not a "deal" or a bargaining tool.

I don't get why you would be about someone having sex everyday in pregnancy surely that's the thing about pregnancy your hormones go crazy some women have none and some women have loads. I've been the latter in all of my pregnancies it's very nice and helps that i feel really good about myself when pregnant, up till this week.

At no point did i say i had sex just to stop him wanting sex after i have this baby however i have made it clear that i won't feel like this all the time, reasonable i think.

sorry have just read my post back and i did say that duh sorry but i think i forgot the because i did mean it tongue and cheek. Trust me i have been enjoying it every bit as much as him.

That will teach me to read from the threads i'm on page rather than the post.

I just showed my DH this thread.

And his response about the OP's DH was " What and utter fucking twat! Sounds to me like the kind of bloke who should never get laid again. "

Im thinking my DH summed it up pretty well there.

I live with a man who would never dream of pressuring me for sex at any point, and that makes having a great sex life all the easier. Some men just need to get a grip (in more ways than one) and deal with the fact that sometimes thier partner just dosent want sex.

OP, let me tell you a little about my DH, just to illustrate how a loving partner should be

During my 4 pgs, only 2 of which went to term, my DH had no sex at all (partly medical advice, partly I just didn't want to

Yep

none

In the early weeks, we were still "intimate" and I would "help him out" if I felt like it. I mostly didn't.

In the latter weeks, I just couldn't be bothered at all. Ditto, 3 months + after each birth.

Yes, he got a bit sex-starved.

Did he pester me, guilt-trip, whine for his "rights" ?

nope.

He quietly got on with his life, supported his wife by putting no pressure on me, used his right hand when needed, I expect.

That is how a supportive partner acts.

Your partner is not a supportive partner.

I'm wondering if you are both very young?

I really hope you can sort this out because if you give in to sex soon after giving birth vaginally, you can actually die. Honestly, women have died form having sex too soon. Google it!

Define 'too soon'

I'd be interested to know that to . I was told when you felt ready it was fine and from previous threads on MN people felt fine anything from a couple of days to over a year.

Several weeks.

You can get air embulisms . Women have died, of course it's rare but there are very good reasons why it's advisable to refrain from sex for a few weeks after a vaginal birth.
You'll be bleeding, breasts will be milky and maybe a bit sore, you may have stitches or grazes.

I can;'t imagine how anyone would feel ready a day after birth. And I say that as someone who has had some very quick, very straightforward births.
Your body has just given birth it needs to rest and recover.

I can't really either in fact i can't think of anything a day later and have never seen anyone say a day later but have seen plenty say a few days. I thought the risk of death was from oral sex, sorry bit of a tangent OP.

There was an infamous thread on another forum where someone admitted to having a shag the same day.

That still gives me the boak, thinking about it. Just the blood alone, not to mention the increased area so to speak.

After my first dc when the Mws came to examine me they would all have a look and do a sharp intake of breath and say 'ooohh' can't imagine my dh would have wanted to see whatever it was they were seeing. 2nd Ds got back in the saddle relatively quickly so to speak still a lot longer than a couple of days, still alive to tell the tale

A poster here the other day mentioned that her dsis had given birth so quickly after 1st dc that she must of had a private room in the hospital.

You can have sex once the lochea has stopped, as that means the uterus has contracted and covered the wound completely. You can only get an embolism if there is a way for the air to enter the bloodstream. Also you can get an infection if the wound is still open. IME the lochea went after about two weeks.