37 weeks preg & no libido - but DH thinks I should still be satisfying him

[scunnereddotcom]

I'm 37 weeks pregnant. Up till now, me and DH have had fairly regular sex - it's not always been easy, or enjoyable (due to my hip and back pain), but I've felt it important to keep going. But in the last few days, I've lost my sex drive. I still want to kiss and cuddle with DH, but don't want to have sex, and feel uncomfortable about him touching me anywhere intimate, and I'm not keen on intimately touching him either. It's probably a combination of factors - I'm absolutely exhausted, and my body seems to be gearing up for birth etc, hence I'm feeling weird about my breasts being sexual objects (because I'll be using them to feed our son). Plus, we've been arguing a lot, and that makes me feel low and affects my sex drive too. And lastly, I've had SPD since 10 weeks pregnant, discomfort is now so bad I'm about to get crutches, but I feel I've manfully struggled on through the pain to allow us to have an active sex-life up till now (usually a couple of times a week).
Last couple of evenings I've just want to kiss/cuddle and nothing else, and I've told DH that I probably wasn't up for it at the moment and maybe we could just focus on being physically close without sex until after the baby is born. Last night, he gave me a back rub (which was very nice & much appreciated, I was really aching) then gets all huffy because I wont do anything for him. He said I should be thinking of his needs, and giving him a rub to get him off. I said I really didn't want to do that - I might as well be anyone, and anyway I don't feel comfortable with doing it at the moment (and I talked to him again about all my reasons). He got very angry and dramatic, declaring that sex was now dead in our marriage because I wont make any effort at all, but don't worry he'd have to deal with it because he had no choice. I feel he's pressuring me, not in a nice way, and being supremely unsympathetic to my situation and feelings, while he thinks I'm being selfish and "me-me-me". I feel he's done little as it is to support me in my pregnancy. Does anyone have a different view, that I really ought to be making the effort to see to his needs for the next couple of weeks, regardless of how it makes me feel?

Sex is not a "service" that you are obliged to give him just because you live together. If you don't want to, then he can have a wank. It doesn't sound like he cares enough about you, sorry :(

If he is like this when you are pregnant, god help you when you have given birth and are sore,possibly stitched, bleeding, tired, sleep deprived with a baby attached to your nipples .

You need to sort it now.

Tell him to fuck off, then get MajorBOO's baseball bat out

I rarely use the c-u-n-t word but, by all that's holy, the selfish, self-centred, self-obsessed and inconsiderate cunt you are married to warrants it with bells on.

If I were you I'd be consulting a solicitor now because, unless he grows some and steps up to the plate big-time, you'll be infinitely better off as a single parent than staying in a marriage where you're treated as a peasant whose only role is to service the sexual and domestic needs of the lord and master regardless of whether you're in the process of bearing his dc.

Given that he is nothing but a total out and out tosser of the first water, he should have no problem relieving himself and I can only hope you'll find the courage to relieve yourself of him permanently if he proves to be less than adequate or able to meet the challenges of parenthood.

Do please show him this thread, and make it clear to him that there's plenty more where this came from if he doesn't grow up pdq and show that he's worthy of joining the ranks of real men who are honoured and awed by pregnancy, birth, and fatherhood, from day 1 of conception.

Squitten - loving your 'men who do not have sex do not, in fact, die'!

My gosh I am absolutely flabbergasted at the selfishness of this man! I had spd and.. oh my gosh you are a saint! This man needs a talking to asap, does he have any (sane) male friends who are fathers who could put him right about the realities of pregnancy/becoming a parent and priorities?? Where has he learnt this behaviour?

I am staggered, I really am. I would get him to a counsellor or something, somebody, anybody that can talk some sense into him, otherwise the next x-number of years (depending on how long you bf and how long it takes you to get your mojo back) will be awful for both of you (and tbh once you have baby to love and cherish a great big adult-baby will seem even more unappealing, sorry to seem harsh but I'm still in shock at this man's behaviour...) He should be supporting you for goodness sake... if you decided you wanted to wear a bunny suit and live in an ice-cream carton under a bridge for the next 3 weeks, well then he should happily start emptying the ben and jerry's! (possibly the strangest analogy I've ever concocted, I'm tired, I apologise)

Good luck OP!

I really hope this is the only issue on which he is a total selfish asshole, but I somehow doubt it.

You probably haven't really realised how much time and energy you spend on this man, maybe have even enjoyed putting him first all the time, but you're in for a rocky road when the baby is here.

Sex is not a transaction that you are obliged to carry out. There should be nothing less sexy than somebody 'servicing' you without being into it themselves! Some men seem to be able to orgasm with the assistance of an unwilling participant which I find completely unthinkable. It's completely weird of him to want you to wank him off when you are clearly not into it. It's also very very selfish and unkind to pressure you. I really fucking hate men who think they are entitled to the use of a woman's body just because they are in a relationship - what do they do when they are single? Presumably they are able to masturbate themselves without assistance? So why can't a man, whose partner is in pain, incubating a person and about to give birth, take care of his own needs for a while? Selfish fucker.

i gave birth at 36 weeks, can't even imagine what you are going thru!

Well, yes I can - had even worse, throwing furniture around as my waters were breaking....

If he's not with you, he's against you, is what I say.

And he proved that when the baby - my son! love!! - was there..... it was all about him, how sad =pathetic - he was, never did nothing.....

Get rid! It will be the best for you both!!

Actually, feel sorry for these men - pathetic. If not you, they will leech onto the next, so get rid!

I did it, and so will you, mine's 20 now and loving university!
And I'm loving life! And new-found freedom!

What buzz said.

And everyone else regarding his wankertude, obv.

But I doubt that this is the only way in which he is a self-centred and entitled arse, and if that is the case, his offended sense of entitlement will be off the charts when your body and your time are given over to your baby's needs.

un be fucking leivable. "an active sex life" Good god woman,i had spd and cant imagine how you have coped.Im not even sure an active sex life is he norm when heavily pg,its more like a cuddle in bed with thirty pillows stuffed into various parts of your body.He does realise whats to come i hope.

Are there actually people out there who need sex that much?

No.

Hang on to your righteous anger op. You are really entitled to be furious with him.

Channel all these women who are furious on your behalf.

It's posts like this that make me think that we should form a posse - the caped crusaders of cuntdom who will administer much needed retribution to those whose heinous offences are not punishable in any Court of Law.

You put your feet up, OP, and we'll pop round with MajorB's baseball bat. By the time we've finished, the only relief the cunt will be seeking for the next year or so will be pain relief

Does he not realise that his new born will be more mature than he is?

I'm actually saddened by this thread.

Yet again we see good decent women allowing selfish, shits of men to behave as they please.

Why do so many women put up with so much shit? Why, why would you live with someone so vile?

Every time a woman allows herself to be treated like this, it reverberates, it has a knock on effect, it normalises low level control and abuse. Just fucking leave. really, just leave.

I am normally one of the ones saying that partners should keep each other satisfied and that both partners should make effort, but come on, this is crazy. You're pregnant, you're in pain, has this guy no care for you whatsoever? DO NO service this man. He is not a man, he is an arse. You are not a service, you are a woman. A pregnant woman. In pain. I am gobsmacked at his behaviour.

He's a fucking areshole. Sex is not about bargaining. It's not about you do something for me and I'll do something for you.

He has Pam Palm and her five daughters for this kind of problem.

He is being a fool. And he is in cloud cuckoo land if he thinks you are likely to be up for lots of sex when the baby arrives.

This attitude does not bode well for when the babe arrives, I have a horrible feeling op that you are going to experience alot more of his sulking once the hard work of raising a baby lands on his lap

Mid wives are often very good at putting men straight when it comes to their expectations about sex during pregnancy and immediately after birth. If your having difficulty getting him to see your point, explain it to your midwife and take him along to the next meeting with her. Hopefully she can help :)

OP - you might want to show him this thread if he starts throwing a strop again. I don't think I've ever seen a thread on MN where 100% of respondents are in agreement....

Can I join the posse please?

I could quite see myself in a swishy black cape, fetching mask and a dashing black cardinal's hat, with a huge comedy knob wobbling on the top of my head. "Ahhh, is that a knob head I see before my eyes?" we'll shout, as we burst into the room brandishing the baseball bat.

Although I was also thinking that my size 5 feet in Dr Martens, bouncing of the Op's husband's bladder, would be the equivalent to a 37 week baby in the uterus ( well it felt like that to me )

I just feel I should clarify that I was going from the 37 week baby on bladder angle, not someone kicking me with size 5 Dr Martens on, of which, thankfully, I have no experience whatsoever