Blimey, no wonder you're depressed. Sometimes your mind/body goes "Urgh, too much processing! Stop everything, right now." Being a geek, I think of this as like a computer hang - you're trying to use more than 100% of CPU. The only thing to do is reboot and then run the processes more slowly, one at a time.
If you're feeling crippled by self-doubt, fear and/or lack of confidence, here are some things that helped me in the beginning. You'll need a notebook, or a new folder on your computer, some smallish cards (physical) and a small book for your handbag.
In your notebook:
? Write down fifteen really grood things about yourself, with examples.
? Write down five things you really must do each day - include small things like 'brush teeth'.
? Write ten more things you need/want to do each day, but aren't life or death. Be rigorous with this: housework doesn't belong on this list, neither does painting your nails and so forth.
? Write fifteen really good things about your life as it is now.
? Write fifteen things you really enjoy doing, however small or neglected (Mine included automatic car washes, jumping in piles of leaves, swimming and chopping veg.)
? Write five affirmations that are important to you. These are statements that you can use as guiding principles, and they can be negative in content - one of my standbys is "There's nothing wrong with being sensitive", for example. Others are "I am competent" and "I'm okay, thanks."
On your postcards:
? Write a few of your "Good things about Me", good things about your life and all five of your affirmations on the cards. Either stick them on a wall - one you see all the time - or keep them in your bag and look at them often.
Your small book:
? Is for compliments :) Whenever anyone says anything nice about you, write it in the book. Keep it with you at all times.
? When you do something you really enjoy, jot it down. It will be good to read them next time you feel bleurgh.
Use your notebook:
? Check off your list of five essentials each day. This gives you a sense of achievement. Everyone who's had depression knows that brushing your teeth, eating a meal and going outdoors can be a full day's wotk sometimes. You need to see that you're achieving what is absolutely necessary, and give yourself a hi-five for doing so.
? Read the thirty good things about yourself and your life each day. You can update them as and when.
? Dump your thoughts and feelings - anything you feel like dumping; it really does help. Frame them as letters, if it feels right.
? Try to answer your 'dump' as a friend. Be sympathetic, compassionate, and look at ways to resolve problems.
? Always write at least one good feeling - however small, there will be something that gave you pleasure each day.
Here's a book for your partner: "Living with a Black Dog"
You'll be OK.