Is this normal or is DP an arse?

[TiarasTimeOutsAndTantrums]

DP is gym obsessed. He's lost loads of weight, takes vitamins, supplements and eats mainly protein and veg. He gets up at half 5 to exercise and has started waking me up as well as 'there's no point me staying in bed' despite me being the one to get up hourly with one or both DCs (2 and 1) and me being the one at home with them all day. I'm fucking shattered. He even got DD up at half 5 when she would've settled with a dummy so that I woke up!
I don't want to laze in bed all day, just to until the kids wake up would be lovely.

with respect he sounds like a raving LOON.

He sounds like a psycho prison warder.

God help us from that kind of man.

OK we're getting the big picture here..
He's quite a nasty arsehole isn't he :(

Does he go to work?

Arse. Definite arse.

Why are you still with him?

Honest question OP because clearly you already knew the answer to your original question, what would you like to learn and subsequently do as a consequence of starting your thread?

I think it's actually abusive that he is consistently waking you up for no good reason when he knows you are shattered. That is showing no respect for your choices, for your health, for anything. It is, quite frankly, delusional and you should not let him get away with it.

If he also ignores the DC and doesn't do anything around the flat, then it does beg the question of why you want to stay with him.

Would counseling be an option?

OP, does he at least go to work?

Does he spend all his time, when he is not at work, devoted to his working out?

You poor thing. Did you know that sleep deprivation is one of the techniques used for mind control by cult leaders to keep their followers in a state of confusion and submission? It's also a form of torture. If you're not sleeping enough you won't be able to think clearly and will be easily manipulated and controlled. Not saying your dh is David Koresh or anything, but that is seriously not on.

You're going to have to have a very assertive conversation with him about this, do feel able to do that do you think?

I agree witht he 'arse' contingent.

I presume he goes to work, OP?, which is why he gets up so early every morning to work out?

Why do you not feel it possible to tell him to stop waking you up selfishly every morning so that you continue to be exhausted and sleep deprived from looking after a one and two year old and getting up with them every night?

So, you have asked him why he wakes you and he says so that you can get an early start on the housework!!!!!!

what is the point of living with him?

OP, he sounds a controlling man. His desire to stay in shape takes over the whole life of the household. He is doing what he wants, and typically, it has become obsessive, and you, and your dc (if their mother is not getting enough sleep) are all suffering. And he wants to make sure you get on with YOUR housework.

Everyone has to fit in around him and, worse, be adversely affected.

Can you have an honest, equal conversation with him about this?

And, he has told you that - if you split up, HE WOULD NOT BE ABLE to see his DC.

I'm not a very assertive person but I am going to talk to him to tonight about it all. He does work its partly why he's up so early as its a bit of a commute.
I've thought about throwing him out several times I just don't really know how to go about it. I don't know that many adults, I'm socially awkward and I'm worried that he'll make things difficult

This is sounding worse with every post. At first I thought maybe he was a bit obsessed and maybe rather thoughtless about waking you up. Now he's sounding like a nasty controlling bully.

You say you don't know many adults - what about your family, e.g. parents, siblings? Anyone there you can turn to when you need to talk or some support in real life?

Okay, talk to him tonight and see how that goes. If he won't listen to reason, and if he won't agree to go to counseling so that you can work this out, then you will really have to think about your options. I don't think this is a very healthy environment to stay in, for either you or the kids.

If you keep talking here, you can get loads of advice on how to get rid, apply for benefits if you need to -- so many people here have been in your shoes!

If he makes things difficult, there are resources to help you.

Do you think he could ever become physically violent?

Do you have any support in real life -- family, friends?

Exercise can be addictive and it sounds like he's become an addict. The stuff he's taking may also be making him hyper

You need to sit him down and try to convince him of his addiction (easier said than done I know) otherwise I think it's the door for him

I've thought about throwing him out several times I just don't really know how to go about it. I don't know that many adults, I'm socially awkward and I'm worried that he'll make things difficult

You go see CAB and find out about your rights.
You get yourself a solicitor.
You file for divorce.

Of course he'll make things difficult. He's an entitled arse. If you are waiting for his permission to leave, and assurances that he will be sweetness and light about the split, then you won't be getting it, sorry.

We aren't married (thankfully) and the flat is in my name on the rental agreements etc. I have some family nearby but not really any friends. I'm trying to work up the courage to go to a few groups and meet people though.

Pesonally I think that every time you have to get up to the kids in the night, you should put the light on and make sure that he is awake too. If he complains then you should explain that he shouldn't be lazing around in bed.
(Actually I think you should be shot of him because he sounds like a complete dickhead.)

Well, I don't know the legalities of tenancy agreements for someone not on the lease; hopefully someone will advise soon. Other wise CAB.

You can tell him you're splitting and mean it.

If you are not confident about your assertiveness, you can wait till he is away (for work one day, for example), leave his stuff on the doorstep, change the locks, and inform him that you are splitting up and mean it.

Thank goodness you aren't married to this arse.

Still, go to see a solicitor to see how you stand, or to CAB.

And see if you can speak to someone in RL.

You may well find that your family will welcome news of you chucking him out. Do they like him?

What does his family make of all this? Could any of them talk some sense into him?

Try to get as much family support as you can. When things have settled down a bit, there will be plenty of time to make new friends, try some new activities, especially when the kids are a bit older and going to nursery or school.