"What attracts you most to your DP, will be the thing that causes the most irritation later on" Discuss

[smallnotfaraway]

I read this somewhere and have thought about it, and it seems in my case that yes, that is something of a truism!

For instance, you're most attracted to the fact that he/she is confidently flirtatious, but when you get together, this is the one thing which is a major annoyance and you'd wish he/she would stop doing it.

I wonder if anyone else has views on this? Will post and run - just idly wondered if anyone else has noticed this phonomenon...

Not in my experience. I was attracted to his kindness and still am, 15 years on.

That's nice, Hedgehop. I guess it's an answers like that shows the kind of qualities which should be the ones to look for, rather than the more superficial things. :)

Yes! I loved How laid back dh was, years later this laidbackness is infuriating. Hes late, always. He minimises huge problems and fails to address things as he just has no panic mode, even in dire life or death he is calm and non chalant(sp?). It irritates me in an i couldnt live without way.

Yes! Another laid back / non reactionary one here...

My DP was very well groomed and I loved that when I met him. Now, it irks me, his toiletry bill is bigger than mine and the bathroom is his territory! Still love cuddling a fragrant man though, couldn't do a dirty one.

Im another one who loved the laid back guy but it drives me nuts 2 years later he doesnt take the bull by the horns about anything doesnt worry about anything so I have to worry about it for him or he can get in trouble drives me mad

The Vicar said the very same thing to exDH and I during our pre marriage chat with him. To be fair, he was totally right.

I was attracted to his kindness, integrity and values so I really don't see how this willever irritate me. Plenty elsehe does irritates me though

He made me laugh from the very first moment and still makes me laugh all these years on, which is his saving grace and the main thing that has kept our marriage going - because he can also be a bloody infuriating pain in the neck.

smallnotfaraway, your name has just reminded me of Dougal and Ted in the caravan and given me a good laugh. I needed that as DH is abroad and not able to fulfil his one function as laugh-provider

Yes, I was attracted to DH because he was sociable and generous with his time and money. Which is fine as a single twenty something.

But as a married thirty something with DCs at home, not so much!

I was seduced by (ex-not-so-dp) due to his, or so I thought, non judgemental socialism and layed back nature. Ffward a few years... this turned out to be laziness and an excuse to go to the local soak house to engage with all the local soaks whilst getting paraletic and chatting up single mums until 2am while I was babysitting our baby!!!! I'm not bitter.

The generosity towards me and others, the ability to listen for hours as I waffle on, and kindness.

Could I get irritated by these things?

Yes- attracted to him for his gargantuan penis and now have problems with cervical erosion.*

*This may be a lie for silliness purposes. Seeing as I'm single.

His energy and enthusiasm. Still find those attractive qualities.

But also, his talkativeness (is that a word?) - "at least we'll never be one of those couples who sit in silence over dinner" I thought. I now think "shhhhhh DH"

RoxyRobin ah, you got my reference! (My nickname actually does refer to the Father Ted caravan scene).

Quite a lot of laid back men on here, made me laugh because that's the quality which I found particularly attractive about my dh (in massive contrast to my extremely tense ex). Now, I do find his immobility in the mornings to be really irksome, but you know, I never realised that I wasn't a night owl (like he is) until fairly recently, so it's no wonder we're different in the mornings. Still irritating though.

Fortunately other more qualities which also attracted me make up for the immobility, such ability to make me laugh, shared values and interests, shared sense of humour etc, and these more than make up for any negatives.

My SIL has recently split up with her partner, he's the one we liked best out all the boyfriends we'd met, and it got me thinking about qualities you think are great at first which, when translated into a relationship, become negative traits.

It's nice that a good number of you were mainly attracted to qualities which do not tarnish over time, such as kindness, integrity and generosity - I think it's good to know and think about these things, so we can guide our children to recognise what the 'must haves' need to be in friends and partners. (And no, it is not obvious, particularly if the family you were raised yourself in was dysfunctional).

Oh, I agree with this, and have discussed it with my adult daughter too. My h was clever, confident, political, tendency to want to be right lead . He still is, and drives me mad now. Also, those annoying niggles just get BIGGER!

Just like Roxy, my DH's sense of hunour attracted me and still does. He also has lots of annoying traits!

Erm humour

From the title: only if you are attracted to foolish things.

In dh's case what attracted me was how easy-going and pleasant person he is and i still love this about him.

But i agree with your op. I was attracted to ex for his 'enigma and depth' in fact he was just dull and negative and this made me to leave.

The one before attracted me because he was 'exciting'. Lets just say he was ...too exciting. Which made me to run, Thank God.

I think it is that you translate the bad trait into a good one at the begining of a relationshipp. You choose to call the dangerous guy 'exciting', the dull one 'intellectuall', the bad tempered one 'dynamic'.... At least this is what i think i was doing.

yy to enigma and depth! And I was the one who could see it, and we would together bring out our inner potential.

I am an idiot

Oh yes, god preserve us from the enigmatic and the deep with poetry in their souls. Before I met DH I had one of those and he greatly impressed me in my youthful folly, the sulky egotist. I saw the light one hot afternoon when we were walking along the beach, he having ignored me for two hours. He stopped dead and without a word stripped down to his (horrible purple) underpants and ran into the sea without a backward glance. It was the last straw; I packed up his clothes (and shoes!) into my carrier and hastened away.

I couldn't believe what I'd done even as I was doing it but felt there was no going back. In my defence, he lived very close to the sea front. I knocked at his front door and handed over the carrier bag to his (nice, homely) mum and said 'I'm just dropping these off for (let's call him) Byron' before scarpering.

The annoying thing was he gleefully recounted this tale to his friends as if it made him somehow more bohemian. Prick. Anyway, the bubble was burst; the purple pants probably did it.

I told DH and he took it as an Awful Warning of what I was capable of.

Well, ROXYROBIN, your DH must surely be warned not to mess with you - EVER!!! Good story.

Another vote for lazyness laid back nature. I loved it cos i am so hyper and dramatic but 5 yrs and a baby later grrrrr. He is late ofr everything,never rushes,doesnt show excitement or enthusiasm apart from for Arsenal.

I remember him telling me his previous gf had said "the only thing you are passionate about is football" I was all indignant. How could she say such a thing about a lovely man? But now i think it all the time.

Its a good job hes so bloody fit and good to me