should i run now.......or just enjoy the moment?????????

[tinkerbell41]

potted version as its late and i,m feeling very emotional and slightly irrational-wots new i think to myself!!!
separated three years.....divorce funding applied for...ex was i now know emotionally abusing me....two semi well adjusted kids who are taking everything in their stride at min....

upgrade man is younger,fitter and very sexy.....BUT........

when we started going out he said he didnt want anything heavy just some fun....i agreed thinking it wouldnt last but it has....been nine months now.....my life is now very exciting....i,ve lost weight,got myself back and made some new friends and new hobbies(for me not him) and my life is interesting and full both with or without him-i didnt want to ever be reliant on a man again......

so whats the problem.............i,ve tried not to fall for him,have tried just to keep him as a f@@k buddy but like a fool i dont think i,ve succeeded...........i figured if i gave him time and kept it cool then maybe we could move into something deeper-not now but long term-i wont admit it to anyone in real life but i,m in love with him and thats not good if its just a bit of fun.............

should i run now or just go with flow which is what i want to do i just dont want to get myself in a mess.............

hes a decent hard working guy but is a little eccentric........he talks one way-doesnt do romance or slush-but acts another,very physical,touchy feely,spends most of his free time with me when i dont have kids,when i do he spends time with his mates.....

one major concern is that he doesnt have any contact with his family except his sister..........that suits me as exs family were a complete nightmare but is it a red flag???

he talks bout the future bout wot we going to do-has booked and paid for a hol for us nxt year(this will b third one)but then talks about wanting to be a lonely old man on his own...........

in the words of the song.should i stay or should i go now,cause if i stay there will b trouble...namely me getting my heart broken............

Sounds like a recipe for heartbreak to me, sorry.

oh flip piellabakewell.....u so right.........wot am i going to do.......

You're going to have to tell him how you feel. Either he feels the same or he doesn't.

You really have no other choice.

No red flags necessarily BTW.

Certainly you mustn't waste your precious time, falling for a guy who does not feel the same.

Do you over think everything, or just this? I don't understand your problem.

hot holiday........he talks bout it all the time and what we going to do............he also talks bout what things we going to do nxt summer....he plans things to fit in with my child free weekends and days.....when i mentioned a while ago about me just being his play thing for a while he said why are u being negative........he also told me that he thought my ex had treated me horribly.........hes round here at least twice a day and txts randomly daily too.......

lebof....i used to but not now......i,m generally very easy going and accepting now,happy to go with the flow.......

pictish.....thing is i dont know if he does feel the same or not....we are very very similar........get on very well....laugh a lot...have sex a lot....chill out companibly on sofa when tired...........never argue-well twice early on..............hes the complete oppisite of my ex and we get on amazinly well....

tethersend............i have been thinking bout that but am scared and to b honest after the shit i had from ex i really want to hear him say it first if its going to b said............do actions speak louder than words or am i just thinking wot i want to hear???

But him not wanting to be around when you've got your DCs with you is a big no-no and turn-off imo.

Basically what you've got sounds like a nice fantasy type of fling but deffo not real life. You need to be kind to yourself and get rid now. You've had some fun but the future will just be heartache big time if you get any further involved.

Sorry but I think you should run. Now. Fast.

OP, how much younger is he? it does depend a lot on that, I think. To me, it sounds like he's also in love or at least very close to that! He just doesn't want to admit it to you or to himself even, especially as he was playing the cool guy originally. BUT if he is a lot younger, things can well change in a few yrs, and that might be heart breaking - what if he wants a kid?
I'm very interested what people will say, especially any positive examples, as I'm myself am interested in a young guy, but a bit scared too. Who started the whole 'fun thing' in your case? was it his intiative?

Just to add a bit more info, I had a similar sort of relationship that lasted 11 months. We didn't see each other as often but got along brilliantly, especially in bed. I was never in love with him, but I had enormous respect for him, he treated me superbly and if he's with someone now I'm sure she appreciates him greatly. However, after 11 months together he ended it because he knew we were not in love with each other and wanted to be free to meet someone and fall in love with them. When he and I got together, it hadn't been the right time for either of us to seek that sort of relationship. We have no contact now, there is no need, and I wasn't at all upset when it ended.

However, two months later I met someone who turned out to be the love of my life and I am so glad that I had that opportunity. I still think that you are wasting your time with him. Maybe you will find, as I did, that there is no man-shaped hole left when he is no longer in your life, and you will move on to the next phase.

I'm 43 BTW, so it's not like I had convinced myself that the man of my dreams was out there somewhere and I had loads of time to meet him! (Shame I'd married and divorced the man of my nightmares already.)

It seems like he's made it clear that he's not actively interested in a long term future together and he could just bog off at any time without feeling you weren't forewarned. You can't take it as read that he wants to commit to you just because he's planning semi longterm stuff. It all seems to be on his terms and if you want to be sure he's committed you will have to bring it up. Of course, that could be make or break, but otherwise you will be taking a big risk in having your heart broken. You may come to resent him anyway before that happens...

pickgo-i kept him away when kids were here....i wanted to protect them til i knew him well...he sees them every day at teatime now...we just do go out all together-my choice-as they have a dad and i dont want him to get too involved with them unless i.m 100percent certain of wahts going on

passion....hes 36...i,m 42....he flirted round me for two/three months....asked me out several times before i had guts to agree....the whole 'i just want a bit of fun' came out three weeks or so in(after we had slept together a couple of times) tbh i thought he would run as soon as he got his oats but he didnt...........i played it cool with him

sorry thats meant to say-we just dont go out all together......

that's all encouraging - he was keen from the strart, you a bit cool, have own life - I don't see why people aer so negative here - he's constantly trying to be with you, and 36 is hardly much younger! he probably decided by this age he doesn't want kids - if he was much younger that would be a worry. Did you like him very quickly after he flirted, or did he kind of pursuaded you and then you becoame keen on him? Things like love are not planned - he said AGES ago that he wanted just fun, but all his acts show much more - with OP twice a day plus texts? def not just casual. But nobody has guarantees for future anyway.

Ah I see, well that's a bit different then.

In that case I'd keep playing it cool and take it very slow then. You could give it until after your hol say then tell him how you are feeling? Or just don't and enjoy indefinitely.

I'd wait for him to tell you - or do you NEED to know right now whether he's commited because you want more right now? The old fashioned trick to spur a man on (who got into comfortable routine) is to slightly cut down on seeing him - not too drastically - then he will start to worry what's up and either will come with questions/understand himself that he really needs to tell you how he feels - or if he's not so genuine he will just accept it. That's if you'd rather not ask him directly what's he feeling (which is ok as well in this case I think).

ta guys......passion-i originally went out with him because to b honest i was horny and he was v hot!!! that side of things is great............
pickgo....i,m happy to take it slow...dont plan on letting him move in or anything like that.....i guess i just want to know he cares!!!!!!!!

it looks like he cares to me! you've dome the right thing keeping it cool emotionally - it's a hard thing to do.

i meant didn't show your emotions to him.

you dont think i,m being a complete twit then?? we get on so well i would really struggle to walk away from him............i guess i just need to settle myself.not think about it and go with flow???? its not like i want him to propose or anything so mayb it can just stay the way it is now??? must get some sleep but will come back tomo........ta for listening........

Ye gods, some women are never satisfied....! Come on, honey, you've got it all!

You're having a passionate affair with a great guy. He's made future plans, booked holidays and is dancing attendance on you and you're thinking of ending it because you think you're in love with him and you don't want to get hurt if he ends it?

Wowee... are you an overthinker or overpessimistic? ]

It's 2011; you don't have to get engaged and announce the big day - in case you hadn't noticed, you're not legally free to do either. And, as ths board can tesitfy, nailing a guy to the floor with marriage vows won't stop him bogging off whenever it suits him.

Make your motto 'fun while it lasts' and if someone gets hurt then, meh, it happens - no pain, no gain. As yet there's no vaccination to prevent it, but those vacations will sure ease the pain.

Enjoy living in the moment and let the cards fall where they will.

BTW when he says he wants to be a lonely old man on his own. that may be his way of hedging his bets or making you think that he's playing it cool just the way he expects you want the relationship to be. No need to rush to find out when you've got plenty of time and a great holiday ahead.