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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Would you call that a threat??

29 replies

BelleRomford74 · 31/10/2011 21:56

I am 23 weeks pregnant & just had a row with babies dad (we are not together but he is a neighbour) I kept calm & did not raise my voice but he said some horrible things about me & the baby! Called it "that bastard baby" & "that c*nt of a baby" because I refuse to keep his identity as the dad a secret!! I just said I refuse to take such abuse of him & turned to walk away to which he said "well now you will find out how nasty I can be"!!
It has left me a bit shaken up as I have a 8yr old dd living with me & he lives in flat above! Obviously no witnesses but I immediately text a friend & told her, she said she will keep my texts incase he does start to be abusive!! Am I being silly, I have never been in this situation before... lead a sheltered life lol :'(

OP posts:
SnapesMistressofFear · 31/10/2011 21:57

Yes a threat! Call the police.

LidlVoice · 31/10/2011 21:58

Sorry, but why are you having a child with a neighbour? And a horrible one at that.

ItsMeAndMyPumpkinNow · 31/10/2011 21:58

Yes, it's a threat.

in case he starts to be abusive
He already has been.

ScareyFairenuff · 31/10/2011 21:58

Yes I would call that a threat.

Has he been violent or abusive to you in the past? Or made threats before.

ScareyFairenuff · 31/10/2011 22:00

Lidl not a very helpful comment . . .

MangoMonster · 31/10/2011 22:01

That's a threat, call the police and report it. Keep reporting Amy threats he makes and call womans aid for advice. Take this seriously he sounds nasty.

MangoMonster · 31/10/2011 22:02

In fact if it was me, I would move.

MangoMonster · 31/10/2011 22:02

Lidl, that response wasn't very well thought out?

babyhammock · 31/10/2011 22:06

I would move too :(
If you can't then stay away from him completely...

LidlVoice · 31/10/2011 22:09

sorry if it caused offence, but if you have a child with a relative stranger, then you can't expect to know what their behaviour will be like. and yes, it does sound like a threat.

Original poster
BelleRomford74 · 31/10/2011 22:10

Lidl.... he was nice & caring at 1st!!

Thank you everyone, I do feel silly as some women have to suffer terrible physical violence & maybe im just shaken & emotional because of hormones but I do feel quite vulnerable. He has never been abusive to me but I don't know too much about his past!! (well only his side of why he split with ex!!)

p.s Financially I can't afford to move.

Thank you again for your replies, I have put my dd in my bed with me tonight!

OP posts:
ScareyFairenuff · 31/10/2011 22:20

At 23 weeks pregnant you have every right to feel vulnerable. Keep your phone at your side at all times and if there is any contact which you feel is threatening, call the police.

Do not underestimate your situation by feeling 'silly'. It's not silly, it a very natural gut reaction designed to keep you safe. Trust you instincts. If you can't move, maybe you could stay with a friend or family for a few days?

SolidGoldVampireBat · 01/11/2011 10:38

Lidl: Abusive men are good at hiding their nasty side at the beginning of a relationship. Otherwise they would not have relationships. The mask slips after a while, though.

izzywhizzysgunpowderplot · 01/11/2011 10:57

Haven't you posted before saying that he's refused to speak to you since you became pg?

I also seem to recall that you posted a few weeks' back to the effect that you were considering writing to his dps to tell them that they will be dgps.

You've implied that he's angry because I refuse to keep his identity as the dad a secret. Is he especially angry because you've told someone he knows that he's the father, or are you going around the streets with a loudhailer?

If not, and he's continued to ignore you, how did you become embroiled in an argument with him?

HerScaryness · 01/11/2011 15:01

Belle, you need to move love.

Please call WA, CAB and police 101 for advice.

lampli · 01/11/2011 15:27

Are you the same person who posted about a similar situation a few weeks ago? If so, can you see how this situation has escalated in that short time?

What is your housing situation? Owner occupier, private tenant, council tenant?

Please do as HerScaryness said and call all of the above.

AnyFucker · 01/11/2011 15:32

I remember you

he is an absolute lowlife

You were advised to not engage with him further on your previous thread(s)

do you understand why you were given that advice now ?

having said that, I am not blaming you for this moron's ridiculous posturing

but you must stop engaging with him

just stay away

izzywhizzysgunpowderplot · 01/11/2011 15:34

He told you ^"well now you will find out how nasty I can be" and it seems these were his final words as you turned to walk away.

I am assuming that, following your last post, you didn't write to his parents but is it possible that he said these words in retaliation because you have gone out of your way to enlighten as many people as possible and he is being seen in a negative light by people close to him?

I accept that he's been, and seems intent on continuing to be, a twat but more context will help to determine whether you are at risk from him or whether his verbals are more to do with the situation he finds himself in which, from his point of view, would seem to be unwelcome paternity.

maristellathewitch · 01/11/2011 15:46

Please consider moving, I know it's an expensive business, but the alternative is increasing abuse from him, and for your child to live downstairs from her abusive father who does not want to be their father. This can only damage your child. I also feel that this is a damaging situation for your 8yo DD, as well as unsafe!

Support services can help you to relocate.
Have you kept any unpleasant correspondences from him?

The only way you are going to have peace of mind is if you disengage from him completely and get away rom him. There is no other way because he refuses to act like a reasonable human being. You did not force him into this, he could have taken more control over contraception and he could have chosen not to have sex if the idea of becoming a parent is so abhorrent to him.

Original poster
BelleRomford74 · 01/11/2011 18:30

Thank you again everyone for your time taken to reply, yes I have posted previously about contacting his parents which I decided against as I really was'nt doing it for the right reasons...since then I have kept myself to myself & tbh completely lost interest in what he thinks & the fact that he does'nt want to know his baby stopped bothering me weeks ago....guess you could say "Im over him"!! but another neighbour mentioned aparently put 2 & 2 together & congratulated him!! Nothing to do with me but having said that if mutual aquaintances ask im not going to lie & have them think I picked up some random guy!!

I currently rent privately & properties in my price range are very practically non existant this area, don't want to uproute & change schools etc.. so I really am stuck here!! I feel less emotional & bothered about it today but I would never put my daughter at risk so all of your advice has been noted. Thank you.

Now I am just looking forward to my baby arriving & getting ALL the smiles, cuddles & kisses to myself!!! :)

OP posts:
Apocalypto · 01/11/2011 18:41

Bizarre. Is he a bit thick, maybe?

HairyGrotter · 01/11/2011 18:45

The father of my child has nothing to do with her, never has, never will. His identity is known only to a few. If people ask, I merely mention it is of no relevance.

His attitude, and stance has been made clear. Steer clear, do not engage with him further, and focus on your family unit.

SolidGoldVampireBat · 02/11/2011 10:14

Are you sure you've been leaving this man alone? I have just had a look at your other threads because your story sounded familiar, and while he isn't a very nice man by the sound of it, you are not helping anyone by keeping up the pressure on him to maintain a relationship with you and become involved in the pregnancy. And dropping little hints all over the place is still putting pressure on him. You really need to disengage: when the baby is born then you can go via the CSA, but nothing is going to make this man treat you kindly. He doesn''t want you. He doesn't want the baby.

BertieBotts · 02/11/2011 10:33

You're not planning on putting him on the birth certificate I assume? I think it would be wise not to. It would mean you won't be able to claim maintenance but I think that would be a small price to pay to never have to deal with him again (hopefully anyway!)

babyhammock · 02/11/2011 10:36

He sounds like he's really not a nice person... and unpredictable. Its not beyond the realms of possibility that he will make your life extremely difficult once the baby arrives... who knows he could even go for 50:50 custody and not for the right reasons!
Sorry but you seem to want him involved one way or another..WHY????

I would honestly get the hell away from him and leave well alone. He's shown himself to be a nasty abusive piece of work. YOU DO NOT WANT HIM ON YOUR DOORSTEP.

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