Would you call that a threat??

[BelleRomford74]

I am 23 weeks pregnant & just had a row with babies dad (we are not together but he is a neighbour) I kept calm & did not raise my voice but he said some horrible things about me & the baby! Called it "that bastard baby" & "that c*nt of a baby" because I refuse to keep his identity as the dad a secret!! I just said I refuse to take such abuse of him & turned to walk away to which he said "well now you will find out how nasty I can be"!!
It has left me a bit shaken up as I have a 8yr old dd living with me & he lives in flat above! Obviously no witnesses but I immediately text a friend & told her, she said she will keep my texts incase he does start to be abusive!! Am I being silly, I have never been in this situation before... lead a sheltered life lol :'(

I really did'nt want any other type of relationship with him other than being the parents of a baby together, I felt that as we had a good friendship before we could have an amicable arrangement regarding this baby!! I hoped in time he too would agree that would work & come round to the idea so I left him to his own devices. But several weeks ago I realised this probably now would'nt happen & was ok about it & tbh stopped even giving him a 2nd thought. I generally have an optimistic outlook on life & find it hard to imagine someone can be as cold as to happily live their life without their children in it so I suppose I hung onto hope a bit too long. However his anger & hatred for his baby shocked & frightened me!! But I am thankful I have discovered this now & I will carry on planning for my new life alone!! I have never atagonised him & nor do I intend to in the future, I really have no feelings towards him either way!! My son is a million times better off without someone like him in his life!! Thank you everyone for your balanced opinions.

P.s Some advice regarding Birth cirtificate & CSA plz, Am I correct in thinking I can't put his name as father anyway without him there because we are not married??!! ( I would'nt want to have his name on there anyway) but then in turn does this mean I can't pass his details on to CSA then?? I was undecided about this anyway the 2 sides of the coin are Why should'nt he have to take financial responsibilty? versus I don't want anything from him because I want to prove I am strong enough to do this on my own?? Legal facts on matter much appreciated from those in the know. Thank you x

Yes that is true - unless he comes with you you can't register him.

Have just looked it up and you can pursue through the CSA without him being on the BC. I think you have to weigh it up as whether you want him to take responsibility vs whether you think this may spur him to decide he does want to be interested in baby's life, as then he has a chance of fighting for contact etc. He would have to go to court to gain PR but he could fairly easily do this.

If it was me I'd leave the money in the hope he would just go away, but it's up to you.

Bertie - He can't be put on the child's birth certificate unless he is present at the registry office at the time of the appointment. However - being on the birth certificae is no barrier to putting in a CSA claim. If he denies paternity, the CSA will force him to take a paternity test - and if he is found to be the father, HE will have to pay the cost of that paternity test as well as any maintenance that is due. If the OP is on benefits - she HAS to name the father and put in an application to the CSA for maintenance, or she will be at risk of having benefits sanctions placed on her. UNLESS she can prove that there is a risk of 'significant harm' to her or the dc. Which if he has not been physically violent, and the police have not been involved - she cannot prove.

I agree with all of that Hunty, but being on benefits doesn't force you to use the CSA any more. I've been on income support for most of the past two years (jsut recently come off it) and I was told it was my choice whether to go through the CSA, have a private agreement, or go via mediation. In addition, child maintenance is not counted as income when calculating benefits any more either.

(I think this is great considering how rubbish the CSA seem to be - it was certainly the case when my sister and I were children that using the CSA was a requirement for IS and they used to take it into account as well. Whether he paid or not )