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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Thrown DP out - last straw DV

55 replies

mrskeithlemon · 31/10/2011 10:04

Attacked me again this weekend twice

He has gone. Still terrorising me but at least only over the phone. Hold my hand please.....

OP posts:
aleene · 31/10/2011 10:06

Well done. Stay strong.

Do you have to speak to him on the phone? Clean break would be better.

GypsyMoth · 31/10/2011 10:06

Well done!!

He doesn't have a spare key does he?

SamhainSausageFruit · 31/10/2011 10:07

I'm so sorry this has been happening. Can you switch your phone off for now?

ItsMeAndMyPumpkinNow · 31/10/2011 10:10

Good for you; that was a brave thing to do.

What kind of RL support can you/have you called upon? Police, WA, NCDV, solicitors, good friends, GP, therapist, and so on, are ALL there to provide the help you need, if you ask for it.

brightspark2 · 31/10/2011 10:10

Me too. Last Monday. Am thinking of you - mine was supposedly just a friend but used closed doors to insult upset and eventually attack me. Am right there with you, we deserve to be treated netter.

Talk to your proviiders about blocking his calls.

brightspark2 · 31/10/2011 10:11

Netter? Netters deserve better!

AnyPhantomFucker · 31/10/2011 10:12

Congratulations !

Have you somebody that could stay with you for a few days ?

If he turns up at your house, making a spectacle of himself, call the police and have him removed

Don't take his calls, you don't have to listen to verbal abuse

Make the decision that this is final now...do not listen to the crocodile tears and empty promises x

Original poster
mrskeithlemon · 31/10/2011 10:15

I have got my friends rallying round. I have finally told me 2 closest friends whats been going because once its told it cant be un-told iykwim

He is texting and calling constantly, still threatening to smash my house up and snap my jaw etc

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 31/10/2011 10:16

Yes, do phone the police. Get everything on record because if you have dc, it needs documenting for the future

GypsyMoth · 31/10/2011 10:16

Please call police and ask for someone from Dom violence unit to come out to you.

Original poster
mrskeithlemon · 31/10/2011 10:17

The worst thing is - he is still blaming everything on me

OP posts:
Original poster
mrskeithlemon · 31/10/2011 10:18

I have come to work today - he isn't affecting my job as well.

I may have to take a half day because my back is killing after being thrown in to the bath yesterday - I hit the taps and already suffer with sciatica

OP posts:
piratecaaaaaaaaaghhht · 31/10/2011 10:19

of course he is blaming you, thats what bullies do.

call the police and explain what has happened op. like you said, when it's told you can't take it back. tell them you are scared. x

GypsyMoth · 31/10/2011 10:19

Please see your doctor as well

Do you have dc with this man?

SolidGoldVampireBat · 31/10/2011 10:23

It is NOT YOUR FAULT. None of it is. He chose to behave like a prick, and can take the consequences - which can involve being arrested and sent to prision. Do use all the RL support there is. You have been very brave and strong already, and there is plenty of help out there for you.

Original poster
mrskeithlemon · 31/10/2011 10:29

I dont have any kids thank god! He has no fear of the police, so there is little use calling them, as he would just make my life even more difficult if I did

OP posts:
CurrySpice · 31/10/2011 10:29

Well done that woman. You sound like a fog has cleared in you rmind. Don't let him inimidate you now - you've done the hardest bit and we are all behind you

RickGhastley · 31/10/2011 10:30

You are so brave for taking this first (huge) step.

As other posters have said, you do need to speak with the police, start getting everything documented. Show them the texts and any voice mails or call logs you have as evidence of him harassing you.

I would have him charged if possible.

Do you have DC?

alwayspoor · 31/10/2011 10:32

Holds had. Well done, you have done the hardest bit. Stay strong.

Original poster
mrskeithlemon · 31/10/2011 10:34

Curryspice this is so true, I feel relief more than anything. I am waiting for the tears to come...

OP posts:
CurrySpice · 31/10/2011 10:37

You will go through a whole gamut of emotion I'm sure. But hold onto the certainty that you've done the absolutely right thing!

His panicky response shows that he knows his number's up. Big bully boy can't get his own way any more!

Pakdooik · 31/10/2011 10:37

Well done you! As other posters have said, get the Police involved, write everything down, change your locks and don't respond to his calls. If he comes near you dial 999 immediately.

Stay strong

ItsMeAndMyPumpkinNow · 31/10/2011 10:37

He has no fear of the police, so there is little use calling them, as he would just make my life even more difficult if I did

Try it. Studies show that abusive men scale down their abuse after police involvement: it does knock some better behaviour out of them. Not out of repentence and guilt, mind, but because they hate being shown up to society as the prats they are, and also, like all bullies they respect a force greater than their own only.

It certainly worked for me: harassment from my stbxh has diminished to a feeble and pathetic trickle since the day the police intercepted him at my door.

bellsring · 31/10/2011 10:38

You really do need to get the police involved.

He deserves to be punished.

Get RL support too round to your house. It's very hard to do this on your own.

bellsring · 31/10/2011 10:41

It needs to be made public what he has done. He's not even a clever bully; he's stupid; he's handing you being able to put him into trouble on a plate.

And this is what you should do.

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