logging my movements

[gracehedley]

Have initiated divorce proceedings, H would rather it didn't happen and very resentful/unhappy/motivated by revenge. Usual wranglings over money and care of our child ... turns out he has been keeping a record of every time I have been out socially for the last year at least, in an effort to prove I am irresponsible/negligent mother and therefore our son (age 6) should not live with me. I have been going out with friends one or two evenings a week and also keen runner so maybe 3 times a week running also - all recorded on his spreadsheet ... would this carry any weight - I mean would solicitors/courts etc take notice of this? Completely alarmed he when he told me about it. He has no social life really so the difference between us is very marked. All comments and advice welcomed

Thanks all. I feel slightly saner after listening to all this. He SAYS he wants "full custody" of our son, and he will pursue this if I do not give him as much cash as he wants from the divorce - but if I do come up with a satisfactory amount he will not go down this route. Not right is it ?

Okaaay ... so is he putting a price on the child, or charging for his fatherhood?

Neither will work, of course. Just highlighting what a weirdo he is ...

He's just emotionally blackmailing you.

TBH I just wouldnt enter into any of these discussions and put it all in the hands of your solicitor. I sense it will get nasty, but self preservation is a must.

I would get that in writing if you can - that's going to look really good in the divorce proceedings - 'exH wants full custody unless sufficient money paid out'. That's not about caring for your child, that's about trying to pin Dc's mother over a barrel to get your own way.

Why should you be paying him off? Is he a cocklodger or is it a matter of him trying to rip you off for the equity in the house?

I'm a believer in fair division of equity - however that doesnt preclude him (or any parent) providing roof over a childs head.

Make sure you record any conversation you have with him. Having said that, try not to have any conversation - leave it to the solicitors.

He wants to blackmail you into giving him money.

Money or your DC.
Not the words of a loving, responsible parent.

He has kept a ^spreadsheet^ of your movements.
Own goal, does come across as stalker like, and manipulative.
Also not great parent material.

Tell your Solicitor and get good advice. btw he is indeed a twat.

Seriously? This is the time you should be putting your son first, not leaving him in the house with a sullen, grumpy asshole.

Children come first, I split with my ex when mine were 7 and 2.5 I didn't start going out socially until the endest was 15.

YOu do go out more than someone who has a child and is single, because that is what you are. YOu have more freedom than a single mother would.

Why give him ammunition?

You don't want to be with him but are happy to leave your son with him so you can galivant.

"You don't want to be with him but are happy to leave your son with him so you can galivant"

Just because OP no longer loves her husband/ no longer wants to be with him does not automatically mean she does not want her son to have a relationship with him, he could be a great Dad for all we know.

And galivant? Really? I thought OP was going out for a run and sometimes seeing her friends, shes not exactly doing a load of E and raving in a field until 7am is she?

"Galivant"?

Grandma - is that you?

Seeing friends is gallivanting. Running is not.

Not that the occasional gallivant isn't a good thing for a devoted mother.

Oh bless you Fabby, is she "no better than she ought to be" too? :o

Fabby do fuck off there's a dear - your advice is as welcome as a fart in a space suit

If he does try to use this spreadsheet thing in court you could just say that it is all made up and is a figment of his warped and controlling mind....might make the judge look a bit at him...

I don't like that Selks, it's gaslighting.

There's nothing at all remiss about a woman exercising and gallivanting () a few times a week while her son stays home with his father.

In fact, if the father weren't such a desperate apology for a human being, he would already have realised that that situation need not change after a split. Sadly, he seems to share Fabby's (current) view of gallivanting, and would doubtless prefer to see his wife tethered to the door lintel while he inventories the links in her chain.

He sounds like a total plonker! A spreadsheet of your time out of the house -what a total idiot. He cant really believe you are committing the crime of the century surely? Out with friends, running - he is insane. Not surprised you are ready to move on.

Hmmm, interesting spectrum of opinions here! Our son does have a good r/ship with his father - they do lots together and want to be together - its quite ok - it's just ME who no longer wants r/ship with my H. And I do think its fairly normal behaviour to have a social life whether single or not ...

XH once said, in disapproving tones, that his SIL was going out for the evening. What's wrong with that, I asked. "Married women don't go out with their friends," he said.

Of course later on when I mentioned it again, he "would never have said" anything of the sort . Could that be because he didn't want another earwigging?

Well, exactly, Grace. You're normal. H isn't. Irretrievable breakdown.

If it wasn't done by computer technical new fangled wizardry, i could swear you were with Vicorian Dad....(Viz anyone)?

Children come first, I split with my ex when mine were 7 and 2.5 I didn't start going out socially until the endest was 15

Fabby, I think you are seriously weird

Yes, I wondered about that too...

I used to be a family solicitor and I can tell you that if a party in divorce proceedings produced a spreadsheet of the other's activities eyebrows would be raised...enough rope and hang himself springs to mind.

Carry on as you are .

Fabby - what an odd and rather offensive comment - I am a lone parent and go out socially two or three times a week. That doesn't mean my dcs don't come first; on the contrary there are many benefits to them in having a social outgoing happy mum. Strange though it may seem it is possible to be a good parent to your children and have a social life too

There are such things as babysitters. I am still happily married to DH, but he is often away. Before my eldest was old enough, I often got a babysitter when DH was away so I could gallivant (and do parents evenings etc. etc.). I think Fabby is mad. (Actually I remember my kids being very relieved when Mummy got a babysitter at the last minute, because they knew I would be much nicer after a little me time.)
OP do try to get your H's offer to be bought off demanding custody in writing, or witnessed, because it will look so good in court.