Would you ever tell?

[judgynjury]

A man I know who is married has had a string of affairs- and did so when his wife left him temporarily many times over 20 years. The last time was for 4 years although, she alwasy came to live with him in the UK every school holidays- in between then she was living elsewhere in Europe- and kept him dangling over whether she would come back for good.

Meanwhile he was on a dating site , describing himself as separated- which was stretching it a bit( he doesn't know I know but a friend of mine spotted him.)

He is now over the moon that his wife has come back, hopefully for good- but guess what- he is still shoiwng as online and recent activity on the dating site.

Now, it could be innocent and a pure ego boost, it could be an insurance policy- more like it- but it is bothering me.

I really really can't see myself interferring, but at the same time, the thought of an annonymous letter to her or a print out of his profile comes to mind.

I can't afthom it- he was desperate for her to come back.

how do you know all this ?

and why are so bothered ?

If she's leaving him temporarily, she probably has an idea of the risks. Leave them to it.

He has practically been a single man whether you agree or not for long periods over the years, why shouldn't he be looking for comfort elsewhere.

They have not had a marriage have they?

The messenger always gets shot.

They've been together over 20 years, so I imagine they know more about their relationship than anyone else.

Please don't interfer, it's sure to come back and haunt you.

I am normally all for telling someone if their partner is cheating.

Not in this case though. She left him for 4 years only coming back over school holidays, I assume with children to see their dad or to see them?

She has kept him dangling for 4 years. This you know. Who knows what else has gone on in their relationship over the last 20 years? Not you, not me.

I don't think I would consider myself in a relationship if my OH fucked off abroad for 4 years and kept me dangling.

I would leave them to it and stay out. It is non of your business.

You really really can't see yourself interfering but the thought of an anonymous letter or print out of his dating site profile has entered your mind?

Come on honey, who are you trying to kid. What's your interest in their business - are you one of his conquests?

Their marriage is their affair - leave well alone and don't stoop to sending anonymous letters and the like because, apart from being an act of supreme cowardice and spitefulness, it's unlikely to have the effect you desire.

I suspect more actual involvement in this scenario than OP is currently disclosing

what is it, OP ?

are you one his OW ?

are you the bloke ?

one of his OW

Unless it was the partner of one of my closest, bestest friends doing the cheating, then no, I would never tell.

Number one rule of life is: never get involved in other people's relationships if you can possibly avoid it.

Whether or not the OP is one of his fill-ins/rejects, APF, there's a distinct whiff of boiling bunny in the air.

judgenjury OP? Save it until your services are required by the legal system.

mmm rabbit stew

With lots of onions for the obligatory crocodile tears while the OP wrestles with their conscience...

with a side dish of sour grapes ?

sour grapes are definitely on the menu and served while wearing a look that can curdle milk [hgrin]

how about some sauerkraut (sic) to go with that stew...

< scraping the barrel now >

And a sucking-a-sour-lemon tart for pud.....

Disclaimer - I don't normally get invoved in this sort of thing you know.........

scraping the barrel is what senders of anonymous missives do when justifying their actions.

No, I wouldn't. The closest I came was letting DH's OW know that a bit of judicious googling had given me the contact information to do so should I choose to stoop to her level.

Oddly enough she put an end to the affair at that point.

Polly, I do

it's fun, isn't it ?

Passes a wet and chilly evening!

shite telly innit

Passes the time till the OP returns. OP, OP, where are thou?

Dry and fairly mild here in London. We've had a gloriously bright and sunny few days.

Shite tv, what you on about APF? I got a few University Challenge questions right.

WTF has it got to do with you? It sounds perfectly possible that this couple have an acknowledged open relationship, so sticking your beak in will just make you look like an inadequate shit-stirrer without a clue.