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Original poster

Having a crap night......same old crap.... need to talk on MN

69 replies

SackAche · 27/12/2005 00:05

DH.. arse as usual. Arguement tonight ended in him threatening to hit me with a pyrex jug. Then when my friend phoned in the midst of it and I told her he leftin the car saying it was all over (again....as usual) and that he hoped I was very happy in my new fucking house 'psycho'.

He left at 6pm. My friend came around at 9'30pm as H pulled up in a taxi STEAMIN. He came in, smoked a fag then went in and passed out.

Merry fucking Christmas eh?

He has his Counselling appointment on 9th Jan. I now it'll help, but what until then?????????????????????

OP posts:
PrincessPlumPuddingHead · 28/12/2005 11:07

oh toothy I'm sorry. But it sounds like the best thing. Tell him it is the sofa for the next month and don't worry about your ds - they believe anything at this age. Tell him that Mummy has a sore back and needs to sleep by herself for a while. Your dh will have to go along with this though, he will get VERY confused if he gets mixed messages.

It sounds like a break is a good thing, it will really enable you to work out what you want.

littledonkeyrach · 28/12/2005 11:14

Have to say that IMO the sooner he moves out, the sooner you can work it all out.

I'd make him sleep on the sofa, and tell DS that daddy snores too loudly.

Hopefuly the counselling will have some kind of effect.

Original poster
SackAche · 28/12/2005 11:15

PPH - I'll have to get a new sofa after he moves out! It'll be sagging in the middle! .....>toddles off to look at John Lewis Website<

I'm not upset about this at all (worrying??)! I don't look at it as an end. I look at it as a wonderful chance for DH to sort himself out and move back in. Or a good start to a clean break.

I do wish it didn't have to be like this, but whats a couple of months if we end up in a happy marriage for the next 25 yrs.

Thanks for all your advice folks. You really do keep me sane!

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LadySherlockofLGJ · 28/12/2005 11:21

Toothy

With regard to the sleeping on the couch just tell the children that Daddy has a cold and is snoring like a pig, so he is on the couch until his cold gets better. (or his temper improves)

I am so sorry you are going through this, but he is improving, albeit slowly, he recognised his behaviour as out of order last week or the week before and bought you flowers, granted you didn't have a vase to put them in because he broke it, ( a point that was not lost on him.

I am thinking of you.

lots of love

LGJ

Original poster
SackAche · 28/12/2005 22:55

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO PLEASE all be proud of me!

Spoke to DH tonight about the whole sleeping arrangement thing and said that I didn't think that since he had decided to move out... and that I agreed.... we shouldn't just carry on as normal coz then things would get forgotten as long as we were getting along. SO I said he shouldn't be sleeping in the marital bed and that nothing had changed. He said he couldn't live with me....and I agreed so he should stick to that. He looked really shocked, but didn't blow up. He kinda started making a joke and trying to make it all light hearted and I said NOOOOOOOOOOO..... if he really wanted to make a go of it then he had stop playing the "I'M LEAVING YOU I HATE YOU" card and just do it. And I felt that in that case he shouldn't just carry on as normal. He stood in shock for a bit.... then said ok. Then he watched the Everton game and I talked to him about that afterwards coz he was gutted...and had had a few beers, then he kissed me in the cheek and said "I'm going to be babe, night"..... as he started upstairs I said, where are you going....he stood bewildered and I said "remember our conversation??? thats out..... you mean it and we think its best so you better sleep down here". He paused waiting for me to laugh and say I'm kidding, but I didn't. He just said, OK babe... see you in the morning.

I DID IT, I ACTUALLY DIDN'T LET IT BLOW OVER!!!!!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
SackAche · 28/12/2005 22:58

Ok weeee typo there...he didn't say he was going to be Babe... he said he was going to bed Babe!

Whoops.

OP posts:
colditz · 28/12/2005 22:58

......................................................

That was me being speechlessly proud of you.

I hope you are proud of yourself too!

Gingerbear · 28/12/2005 23:01

Well done you!
This is the kick up the arse he has needed.

Original poster
SackAche · 28/12/2005 23:03

Oh he was so shocked it was almost funny..... if it wasn't my life!!!!
I said to him that one of the major problems was the fact I couldn't trust him with money. He said and I qupte "but now I'm earning a decent wage I'll be more willing to be responsible if you let me" I said "errrrrrrrrr sweetheart, it doesn't work like that!!! You've got to prove fist off that you're not dodgy with money and ear trust before you can have that privelidge" Again he looked shocked and said "fair enough I understand." I hope he gets the message.

OP posts:
Original poster
SackAche · 28/12/2005 23:04

Can I just point out that since then I've had a few drinks....so I'm a wee bit pissed..posts might be a bit low quality grammar-wise!

OP posts:
Gingerbear · 28/12/2005 23:08

tis allowed Toothy.
It seems to be sinking in with him. Hope he sees what he will be losing if/when he moves out.
I bet you feel much better now you have laid the cards on the table so to speak.

kalexcelsis · 28/12/2005 23:10

Go Go Go Toothy. AND STICK TO IT, I'm really proud of you, and really really relieved that the ghouse is in your name, it has been bothering me for a little while, that you would move into your lovely new house, and you would end up having to sell it.

PS STICK TO YOUR GUNS ABOUT THIS

LadySherlockofLGJ · 28/12/2005 23:11

Proud of you......................to quote my DH you rock...................

Original poster
SackAche · 28/12/2005 23:12

GB - I just couldn't let us slip into that trap of getting along for a couple of weeks and then WHAM!
I feel strong whem I'm in control..... but the minute I let him hurt me I regress back to the person that during PND had panic attacks.... I don't have panic attacks now other that when DH starts getting really horrible.

I've never been weak, I've never felt intimidated by a man (or shown that I'm intimidated) and I do ALL the time with DH. I feel liberated, I feel like meeeeeeee and there was NO shouting, swearing, name-calling.... nothing. Just me stating facts and DH standning with his gob open!

OP posts:
sykes · 28/12/2005 23:13

Well done, is this a bar?

Original poster
SackAche · 28/12/2005 23:17

HooooHoooo YES! I'm working tomorrow....but very much a "do whatever hours you want" shift....so I'm going in for 10am.... DH is taking the kids to Nursery before he starts work at 9am.... so I'm having another GIN! Afterall, I've got the bed to myself tonight!!!!

OP posts:
PrincessPlumPuddingHead · 28/12/2005 23:17

brilliant toothy, we are all proud of you

Original poster
SackAche · 28/12/2005 23:18

... the bed to myself for the foresee-able future until DH earns the right to be back there!

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kalexcelsis · 28/12/2005 23:18

The whole bed to yourself, with no one snoring and hogging the duvet, HEAVEN

sykes · 28/12/2005 23:20

Snorr, so a v and t?

Original poster
SackAche · 28/12/2005 23:21

I'm having a G & T if you're offering Sykes!!!!
Thanks everyone..... just so you know... I haven't told ANY of my RL friends about this... just you lot so far.

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WideWebWitch · 28/12/2005 23:23

Good for you. x

sykes · 28/12/2005 23:24

Tip top, I'm glugging wine. So what would be your perfect day tomorrow, within reason?

Original poster
SackAche · 28/12/2005 23:28

Ah well Sykes, I'm working tomorrow! BUT if I wasn't... it would be for DH to tell me he'd found a flat and that he could move in on the 1st of Feb (few days after he's helped me move into the new house!).... then to tell he me that he loved me soooooooo much and that he hoped that I would have him home by the 1st of March. Then for me to say "Yeeeeeeaaaaaaah whatever....as long as you're babysitting on hogmanay!".

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sykes · 28/12/2005 23:33

SACH, you are doing so well, huge admiration, havef a drink.