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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

MIXED Signals!!

101 replies

jen45 · 22/10/2011 23:57

Im married but unhappy and not in love. I met a man in a shop where i work and we swapped phone numbers. he came to visit me and within mins asked me for sex..I got freaked and said no. He came to visit again after i called him to say sorry. this time i came on to him but he freaked out!!..now he avoids me and wont come into the shop...Help whats happened. I really like this guy.

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jen45 · 24/10/2011 00:41

giving advice is ok but giving vindictive arrogant comments does not make you superior...it just makes you think you are actually clever...suppose it makes you feel better about yourself.....oh dear.....

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jen45 · 24/10/2011 00:50

whattheactualjeff
i was hoping that it wouldnt be a one night stand.....i will never know now.
has no one else ever fell in love at first sight??????

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LeBOOOf · 24/10/2011 00:53

With a creep who pesters you for sex within minutes? Nope.

whattheactualjeff · 24/10/2011 00:55

but. does he love you?

squeakyfreakytoy · 24/10/2011 00:55

yes i agree its not clever but hardly MURDER

Easily could have been or a lot worse than him just leaving without taking what he came for... you invited a complete stranger to your house, and wondered why he thought sex was on the menu? does that not strike you as reckless?

i was hoping that it wouldnt be a one night stand.....i will never know now.
has no one else ever fell in love at first sight??????

You are married... get out of your marriage and then go falling in love... but you are not in love with this man, you are looking for a bit of escapism from a shit relationship.

whattheactualjeff · 24/10/2011 01:00

he doesn't love you. He wanted to fuck you.

don't go after this type of creep. You must create some standard for yourself and stick to it FFS.

jen45 · 24/10/2011 01:01

well i hope some of you will never get jury service cause it looks like you are all so bloody perfect that anyone less would be sent to death row!! god help us all..perfect...no one is...LOL

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whattheactualjeff · 24/10/2011 01:14

IT'S not about perfection. It is about creating a life that works for you. Is yours? Best of luck to you OP.

jen45 · 24/10/2011 01:15

READ MY PREVIOUS BLOGGS FROM APPROX TWO YEARS AGO and then bloody tell me how awful I am....

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jen45 · 24/10/2011 01:16

whattheactualjeff
thanks for at least being decent about it, appreciate that.
i will need luck I think LOL

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izzywhizzysfritenite · 24/10/2011 01:28

I'm far from perfect, honey, and I'm not judging you but surely you can see that the only thing you can feel for this random stranger is the equivalent of a schoolgirl crush because you don't know him - but I'm sure you haven't led such a sheltered life that you don't know his type.

He gives you the eye while you're working, you exchange numbers, you're hoping to get to know him so you invite him for coffee and, before the percolator's done it's stuff, he's wanting you to get your knickers off so he can get to it.

Did he misread your signals, or did you misread his? How many other women does he try to get off with while he prices up spuds?

You've lived with an adulterer and you, more than most, must surely know that you'll get considerably more loyalty and devotion from a pooch than the mystery shopper and others of his ilk.

At the moment you're an accident waiting to happen and, unless you do some work on your self-confidence and your self-esteem, you'll continue to end up in casualty suffering from delusions about tossers like the mystery shopper.

FTR, if you're going to go around falling in love with strange (in more ways than one) men, you should know that a man who only wants to get in your knickers is not a good bet for long-term happiness.

Cultivate your self-respect; you don't give out until you've been wined and dined and they've proved without doubt that they have the ability to treat you as you deserve to be treated - and no way is that 'wham, bam, thank you ma'am' within minutes of meeting.

jen45 · 24/10/2011 01:36

seriously nothing wrong with my self esteem!!...im puzzled to why he doesnt want me now LOL.....fell in love with hubby on first sight, (5 years) same for first husband...was with him 15 years and had 3 kids to him..so when I fall for someone its not a whim....its usually something more....
as for the guy that tried to seduce me, i know he fancied me or i would never have given him my number.....3 months of knowing this before i gave my number. i think he just realised my baggage and freaked.

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izzywhizzysfritenite · 24/10/2011 01:44

i think he just realised my baggage and freaked I doubt it, honey. It's more likely that he just wasn't into you - and won't be into anyone for that matter - for anything other than a shag.

It is no great achievement to have men fancy you, but is an achievement to find one who fancies you for a lot more reasons than sexual attraction.

I don't think you've ever had that and, if that's the case, you've seriously missed out bigtime.

squeakyfreakytoy · 24/10/2011 01:45

Think about what you just said though... You fell in love with your current husband at first sight, and by your own admission you are not in a happy relationship and haven't been for a long time. Do you not think maybe you do misread lust for love and that has prevented you from seeing that these aren't the right blokes.

I have been guilty of doing that myself in the past.

jen45 · 24/10/2011 01:50

he is a taxi driver and i asked him if he ever gets propositioned and he said he was never interested....so it looks like he doesnt collect phone numbers.
he actually came into the shop tonight for the first time since the incident.
i told him i was getting my life sorted and could i call him when i did. he replied Noooo laughing and walked out so i kinda know the score now but Im still puzzled as to everything that happened. he propositioned me i said no. i propositioned him, he said no. he dissapears, then reappears and when i try to get some kind of answer, its NO....he laughed nervously and then bolted!!!?????
never came across this behaviour before ever...

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izzywhizzysfritenite · 24/10/2011 01:50

Snap, squeaky - just what I was thinking.

We've all done it, OP - but then we grew up and realised that falling in love is as much to do with the head as it is with the heart.

Next time put your brain in gear before you fall in lust with a stranger.

izzywhizzysfritenite · 24/10/2011 01:56

You're chasing him, virtually begging for a crumb from his table, and that is never a good look, in fact it's Sad

never came across this behaviour before ever Chalk him up as a lost cause and hope you don't come across this type of behaviour again, but that'll only happen if you start to stand on what's left of your dignity.

jen45 · 24/10/2011 01:57

i agree that my previous love at first sight husbands have not been the greatest, far from it. i definately love bad boys going by my previous and present. talking to this guy though makes me think he isnt a bad person. he told me when he sleeps with someone he falls for them and he mentioned that when i rejected him the first night. he said he didnt want to sleep with a married woman cause he wouldnt like it done to him??? so he doesnt seem to be a bad person at all......this is why im confused by the whole thing. now he says even if i was single, he wouldnt sleep with me....

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jen45 · 24/10/2011 02:04

i agree, i want a crumb..just a little bit
now where do i go as i look like a desperado
he threw me a rope and i hung myself
was this just mind games by him??
do i avoid him if he comes in the shop
do i act normal
how to recover some dignity LOL

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izzywhizzysfritenite · 24/10/2011 02:07

he told me when he sleeps with someone he falls for them

Some tossers men will tell you anything to get in your knickers.

It seems to me that you most probably haven't given yourself any opportunity to explore what self-respect and self-esteem are.

If you're not going to take time to increase your quota, I can only suggest that you carry a large salt cellar in your purse and apply liberal pinches to the bullshit some men come out with when they're only interested in what's between your legs rather than your ears.

izzywhizzysfritenite · 24/10/2011 02:10

To reccover your dignity, just act normally. No lingering looks, no lustful glances, no trying to convey hidden messages with your eyes.

Be professional and businesslike and don't treat him differently to any other customer.

And in future, don't shit on your place of employment's doorstep by mixing business with pleasure.

jen45 · 24/10/2011 02:13

weird, thing is...if it was sex he was after, then why the hell did he not take it when i offered him the second time?????
anyways how the hell do i act when he comes in now?
if i avoid him, it will look like im just pissed
if i talk normal it will look like im still after him
i cant bloody win can I???

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jen45 · 24/10/2011 02:15

okay sounds positive.....
can do this.....
hes probably shitting himself after tonight so wont appear again for a while!!

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izzywhizzysfritenite · 24/10/2011 02:25

why the hell did he not take it when i offered him the second time Maybe he can't handle rejection but why the fuck would you even want to know?

Surely it's enough that he's rejected you? Have some pride in yourself - you offered and if he comes onto you again it's 'no sirree, you don't get a second chance'.

Console yourself with the thought that he's most probably a lousy lay, leave the h who's done nothing except put you down by his behaviour, set up home alone and make friends with yourself before you embark on the social or dating scene.

jen45 · 24/10/2011 02:31

couldnt be a worse lay then my hubby LOL......
yeh trying to bring myself to break the news about splitting.hubby is oblivious to anything or anyone around him. as long as he can watch tv and computer, he doesnt take much notice. this will come as a shock.
he will make me feel like shit

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