What would you do - Husband asked the Police to Section me last night

[ToddlersRFab]

Hi

Quick resume - H left me last month for another woman - totally took me by surprise and every one else for that matter. I had a bad few weeks and coped ok according to my friends and family under circumstances.

We have DS 3 who has remained in contact with H at least 3 / 4 times a week and rings him twice a day.

H and I have had complete melt down on personal relationship, and he bullied me into corner last week for DS to go to his new home (done this twice now) meet new woman (which he did on Saturday) and sleep overs (starting in new year). I agreed all of the later (reluctantly, but will not go back on my word). This is as well as seeing DS on Tuesday and Thursday collecting from nursery, bringing back to his home, tea, play, bath & putting him to bed (while I stayed away). Taking him to nursery and getting ready on a Monday, and spending some time with him on a Saturday morning (I do not limit the time but he only spends 2 hours with him).

After agreeing to all of the above, he then insists that his new woman comes to DS birthday party in Dec. I stood my ground and said no - not this year. If she comes then I will cancel it. (it is paid for already).

He then said DS was not to meet family members if his new woman could not go, and rang his family to inform them of this. I said it was DS's family and I would continue contact. (both sides)

Last night he collected DS from nursery and came back to house, he was angry about some changes I had made around the house and garage and texted me. Then said I had lost the plot and was going to take DS back to his house for the night. I drove home as I was only 5 mins away, and blocked his car in.

I called the police, but they would not respond as it was a domestic. He rang them and said he was worried about the well being of DS and that I needed sectioning.

Police attended and could see that I was in control (angry and upset but calm) and said that we needed to sort it ourselves. He persisted to the point where DS was upset. I told the police I would move the car and he could take him as DS was being affected (not what I wanted but could see resolution). He then changed his mind and said I was being unreasonable - police told him I was not!!

He left saying he would not see his son again - not what I want, as I want him to have a father son relationship.

Have seen solicitor today and H and I are going to family relate tomorrow night. But the issue I have is that he keeps moving the goal posts.

I am not stopping access, but nor can I have him using DS when he does not like my actions or words.

I have said that I do not want any direct access unless it has anything to do with DS. That way I cannot respond to his words and actions.

Any advice?

Sorry for the saga

Good solicitor,get the access agreed in court.

Womens aid.

Keep records,maybe even have someone with you all times you meet him.

CELEBRATE THAT YOU NO LONGER HAVE TO TOLERATE HIM,

he wants 7-day access so: a) he can still control you because he is a manipulative, gaslighting, abusive prick b) he doesn't have to pay for his child.

stand your ground.

You allowed your 3 year old dc to meet a woman your dh has been with a month? Wow. Whats wrong with you?-please do not let this abusive twunt away with this. There is being reasonable and then their is being gutless....

pink4ever I don't think that is helpful at all. Tbf he could have done it without her consent anyway.

OP I hope you realise how much of a prick your ex is being and that you are being way too reasonable. Definitely don't let him in your house again.

Does your solicitor realise how controlling and abusive he is? I worry they don't if they've advised counselling.

You need to have a solicitor who knows and understands what you're dealing with and has experience with these kinds of cases.

I know it's an awful pain in the neck but you aren't confident they can handle this sort of case you should consider getting a new one.

On reflection, I think that a large part of your problem is that you pride yourself on being intelligent as in 'rational and reasonable'.

This makes it difficult for you to accept that abuse can happen to 'people like you' and it makes it even harder for you to recognise that, regardless of whether he has an IQ to rival Einstein (as if) or he's thick as the proverbial short planks, your H is nothing more or less than an abusive twunt.

The only way you'll overcome your disbelief that he's a controlling manipulative abuser and that you're being abused, is to recognise that domestive violence and emotional abuse is no respecter of social class or intelligence or any other factor that you may consider makes you 'different' to others.

And the only way that you may find the courage to stop the twunt in his tracks is to put your ds's welfare and wellbeing before that of your own which is, needless to say, far, far, higher than the twunt's needs - which, at least in the sack, are being met by the OW.

In time honoured mumsnet tradtion, tell the fuckwit you married to fuck off to the far side of fuck with his OW, and then fuck off some more - and make sure your deeds suit your words.