This can't go on long term, can it?

[PainInTheThroat]

I've been with DP for around a year and a bit. Originally we had plans to eventually move in together etc but now he's decided that he doesn't want to do that as it wouldn't be fair on his DCs so he wants us to stay as we are for the next 10-15 years or so. I find this rather ridiculous to be honest, we only see each other once or (rarely) twice a week and only communicate via text in between that time. We can never go on days out together as he doesn't want to involve the kids in our relationship so on the weekends when the kids are not with their NRP, we can't see each other. It's stupid, we're both sat around saturday/sunday wishing we had something to do when the obvious thing would be to go out together or visit one another but we can never do that.
Same with Christmas, I won't see him at all over christmas as the kids are off school. Summer holidays was the same. We're both going on separate holidays abroad etc etc and whilst this would all be ok in anew relationship - I just can't imagine carrying this on for the next 10-15 years. It's stupid. I want to be with someone who I can call up (or who calls me!) on a weekend so we can go out for a drive - someone who I can wake up with on Christmas morning and someone who I can sit going through the holiday brochures with before deciding where to go TOGETHER.
I have spoken to DP and voiced my concerns and his opinion is that everything is fine and he doesn't want anything to change. He certainly doesn't want to end things and thinks I'm being a little idealistic in what I want from a relationship. Am I??
He keeps saying stuff like "ooo just think, it 15 years that will be us sat on that beach in Thailand". In 15 years I'll be 45 and he'll be 53. I want to live a little BEFORE I get to that age.

It isn't a lot to ask is it? or am I being idealistic?

Can you dump him by text? Just to stick the boot in?

Oh wow.

Yes, he has issues. Good god.

You won't be lonely! Or even if you are sometimes, it's still better than the loneliness of being in a terrible relationship.

Well done on getting out! Think of all the fun you will have!

Just to warn you

deluded passive aggressive nobheads like this probably won't let you go very easily

he will start boo hoo'ing and promising that things will change

they won't

either that or he will agree immediately and drop you like a stone

thusly fucking with your head and chasing after him to try and patch things up

don't fall for either of these fucked up scenarios

AF he has done both of those scenarios in the past!! you are good

no surprises there

so this time you don't fall for them

and if he manages to pull a different scenario out of the bag, you don't fall for that one either

Totally agree with AF

Run, PITT, run!

He's boring, tightarsed, weird and taking the total piss.

Gosh I wonder why his wife left him? He sounds a right catch . These are GOOD years- your 30s. Why would you want to be with Mr CarBoot Sale?? If he's that dull now just imagine how boring he will be in 15 years!!!

Ha! I posted this morning in haste to say you want different things out of life. Having read a few more gems from this marvellous man I now see that only one of you wants a life at all. Run away, run away!

How do you know he doesn't do anything if you don't see him during the week and only communicate by text? He sounds unbelievably married

Enjoy dumping him, he sounds rubbish.

treated me to a few things (like 2 for £10 at the carvery, nothing amazing) but then he was sat there considering what I could treat him to when the payment came through and was actually quite engrossed in this thought process and started suggesting various restaurants etc.

I've just snorted a cup of tea. 2 for £10 at a carvery is a treat that he expects repayment for? WTF!!!??? You mean he expects you to pay half of the bill at a cheap eaterie? What happens if it's his round in the pub and you want a bag of crisps? On second thoughts, please don't tell me.

I can see you sat on that Thai beach when your 45 - while he's in the market haggling for a few baht off the price of noodles or, more probably, cavorting with ladyboys.

He's not your dp; - he's cheap not dear and you don't share anything that resembles a partnership. He is one sad git and you will be well rid of him, honey.

Have you done the deed yet? If not, why not?

If his initials are DWH you've got my ex there, sorry about that. He doesn't have another woman, he's just arse lazy with a possible dose of Asperger's in the mix meaning he only likes the familiar and risk free.

I ran before the wedding. You do too. Assuming he is like my ex, he probably won't notice anyway.

I'm seconding the others who say it sounds like he is still living with his wife and kids. And that, my dear, would rank among the better options of what he sounds like to me.

Bin, bin, pop him in the bin. Ignore hysterical texts etc. Enjoy the money you save and get someone else. In the meantime, if you don't like being on your own, remember that no sane woman would get lonely enough to want him back.

WHEN he bursts into indignant tears OP, please come back and read what you have written about him.

Remind yourself that letting him back in your life means that you will not have a holiday together, no christmasses etc etc etc.

You are seeing him once a week or so, and STILL there is no excitement left.

for the love of spuds, get rid of this bloke. You are 30 FFS, not 130.

I can't be doing with anyone who is a) a tightwad and b) wishes their life away because you can't take it with you and life is for living NOW.

Glad to hear you plan on getting out of that relationship. He sounds so much like my ex it's unreal. I was with him a year but only saw him once or twice a week and never at weekends because he had his son. he told me all about his horrific ex and how hard she made access so time with his LO was precious and I agreed completely. after about 3 month he introduced me to his LO as a friend and I saw him a bit more but this stopped once LO started to talk. at this point I started to suspect that I might be the other woman and confronted him. He convinced me it was rubbish and magically found more time to spend with me. This cycle continued for about 6 months (golden hangs her head in shame) until I finally said enough was enough, i deserve to be someone's number one priority, I would settle for number two behind kids but not 10th, which is what i felt like.

I'm still mates with him of fb and year later her married his "ex" I had indeed been the other woman without ever really knowing. What an idiot I felt like, the clues were there I was just talked round.

Once you've broken up with him you'll realise how little he actually cares for you. If he really wanted to be with you nothing, not DC, distance, money etc would stop him. Most people manage to introduce new partners to their DC, friends and family within a few months of meeting them.

It suits him to have you available when he wants to see you. You can (and will!) do better.

He's horrible!

Dump him immediately and go out with your lovely friends. Ugh I wouldn't want him near me, the miserable old get.

Just to say - your 30's are a wonderful time, you could be having a fantastic relationship - don't hang about, end it now and give yourself the space so that a wonderful man will appear..you won't meet Mr Wonderful whilst in this relationship.

Yes, of course, any wonderful men out there would be put off by the fact you are "in a relationship"

which will suit him, of course