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Original poster

Has anyone had relatives living with them for extended periods?

49 replies

knottedchest · 23/12/2005 07:47

My sister has lived with me for a year now and Im getting to the end of my tether

We have no room for her and its affecting everything

has anyone else had a long term house "guest" and how did you cope?

OP posts:
bobbybobbobbingalong · 23/12/2005 07:51

My BIL stayed with us for the first 6 months of my marriage. It would have ended it probably, but in the end dh supported me and BIL left.

My friend has a sister that routinely has breakdowns and moves back in, but they have a flat downstairs for her. We only had a two bedroom house.

Original poster
knottedchest · 23/12/2005 08:01

Ditoo bobbybob sister was here in run up to marriage and now 6 months in still here

not good for starting married life i find

its really starting to get me down

OP posts:
bobbybobbobbingalong · 23/12/2005 08:33

Oh God, it was an awful time. BIL ended up being sent back to NZ escorted by two male nurses after a spell in a mental hospital. Of course I got all the blame, but at least it explained why he was difficult to live with.

Original poster
knottedchest · 23/12/2005 08:35

parallel lives here

sis sufferes with mental illness, this makes me even more reluctant to ask her to leave but my state of mind is starting to be affected so need to do somethin

OP posts:
madness · 23/12/2005 08:37

3 months last year and indetermined period at the present. Hate it. And he only eats halal meat which is a pain as well.

bobbybobbobbingalong · 23/12/2005 08:39

All I can say is that she is your sister, but if everyone is unhappy then the arrangement is not in anyone's best interests long term.

Does she have any support from outside the family? Now that BIL is back in NZ (and so are we) his parents have discovered they can't live with him either. He spent some time in hospital, then in a group home and now lives in a supported flat, popping in to have dinner a couple of times a week with MIL, and sometimes coming around her, but always with another family member at my insistance.

Eulalia · 23/12/2005 08:46

Yes had stepdaugter (well sort of daughter as she is only 10 years younger than me) living with me and dh for 18 months. She was 18 at the time. Nearly ended our relationship.

If I were you I'd seek advice and help, social services etc, try and get her housed perhaps. If she has problems you shouldn't be expected to look after her. Does she get disability living allowance?

biglipskissinunderthemistletoe · 23/12/2005 08:48

my mum stayed with me for 8 mths (she moved back home from France and had no where to stay)... in the end after so many arguements and nearly falling out with her and myh relationship was straining badly.. i asked her to move out and now wveryone is alot happier nad relax now (phew!)

best you all sit down and have a chat like i did with mum and Dp to clear the air

Original poster
knottedchest · 23/12/2005 08:57

i really cant talk to her its that older sister syndrome from when were kids

her mental illness isnt severe - just depression

she came here because of an accident and financial dire straits

she is happy about the situation, as a pig in shit as she has no stresses or outgoings - muggins here deals wtih all of that

OP posts:
bobbybobbobbingalong · 23/12/2005 17:22

Yes that sounds very familliar - BIL talked himself into an amazing job (though I now think that there was no job and he just got on the train everyday and wandered around), registered himself as a company and paid no tax (again could have been imagination).

He ate a huge amount, borrowed anything he fancied, didn't make any friends (not surprising if no job really) and was a financial and mental drain.

He did a number of incredibly bizarre and embarrassing things after he left us, and showed up filthy, smelly and very confused one night.

Dh wanted to look after him, and I had him sectioned. It was absolutely the right thing to do - he needed lots of drugs, lots of sleep and people who knew what they were doing.

Us having ds seemed a turnaround point, he is now very good about taking his meds and being a good example.

swedishmum · 23/12/2005 23:52

We ended up with an ex boss of dh in our house - older and different cultural background. While I was at work he was in the local posh health club (off peak membership) and buying parma ham ciabatta for lunch. His plan was never to go out for 3 years to save money - we'd offered a few weeks to save homelessness!
We ended up going out just to avoid him. Eventually got drunk on holiday and phoned him up with a few home truths. Had to be done for our own state of mind.

edodgy · 23/12/2005 23:57

We lived with the outlaws for 4 months in order to prevent having a chain when we bought a house and it did get too much. Anytime i was speaking/disagreeing with my dp his mum would jump in and take his side it drove me mad also the kitchen although huge was not big enough for the both of us lol.

tallulah · 24/12/2005 21:54

We had my brother and his girlfriend live with us for 6 weeks about 9 months after I got married. We only had a 2 bed house and they didn't go to work...never again! What almost brought us to murder was them ringing my parents on my phonebill to complain that I was too mean to let them make a cake... (in my kitchen with my ingredients....). I think if they hadn't moved out when they did, one of us would have done. (My father's comment to me later that I could "just put myself out for once" caused a very long feud).

bobbybobbobbingalong · 26/12/2005 16:51

tallulah - yes parents seem to find it so easy to criticise.

My poor brother had to live with us for a week when he started his new job - he insisted we took a massive amount of rent, bought all his own food and cleaned the house every night. I guess I'd moaned about BIL a few times to him.

albosmum · 26/12/2005 19:09

bil lived with us for three months - was meant to be about 6 weeks caused a huge amount of strain, he was very messy, did not contribute except with most bizarre things, cokked twice but left me to clean up, was useless with the children and has left my dh and his relationship in a very poor state - dh does not like his brother. I came to conclusion he possibly needs some sort of help as he is 29 and seems generally unable to cope with life

KeyserSoze · 26/12/2005 19:09

knotted chest chuck ehr out

Donbean · 26/12/2005 20:11

We had a cousin living with us for 2 years. it was for the most part awful, stressful,strained, difficult and made me ill.
She was 17 when she moved in with us, had a drink problem, was getting arrested every weekend and brought her dodgy mates back to the house.
I felt very responsible for her.
Eventally she moved out of her own accord to live with a bloke, got the taster for bieng on her own and thankfully hasnt asked to come back.
It was the hardest time for us, but all is ok now. She had a mad half hour so to speak and is great now, a lovely sweet girl who we adore again. Wouldnt have her to live ith us again though.

gravity · 27/12/2005 09:48

bobbybobbbobbingalong - argh! the maori bil are i think worse! got one! ffs! 32 and...... i cant go there! i love him but he needs a kick in the bum!
my mil lives with us now, we have our moments, i have only just recently got beyond my politeness (it took 2 years)and if i dont agree i will open my mouth loudly. the kids may be her moko's but i am their mother. our words always end in a hug and apology from the person in wrong (yes, i admit we both are in wrong at times)
knottedchest - she is your sister and for the health of your relationship, i'd talk to her and ask her to move on before you end up resenting her and ruining your relationship. tht would just make her more depressed..... and you also xxxx

fuzzywuzzy · 27/12/2005 11:39

yes currently my dp's nephew is staying with us, he was supposed to stay here till he finished his studies (two years) and then leave. He's now saying he intends to study for another four years (errr not in my house mate). Plus I think he thinks we will be paying his fees something around the region of £4,000 a year not likely really....

gravity · 27/12/2005 12:13

fuzzywuzzy - dont you know your supposed to go pick soem leaves off the money tree in the back yard!!

fuzzywuzzy · 27/12/2005 13:47

Really gravity, bother it being winter and all every single tree is bare

peckarollover · 31/12/2005 09:19

knottedchest was actually me and Im really very very stressed what can I do

Cant imagine asking her to go without having huge and total fallout

gravity · 31/12/2005 09:24

honey sounds like the fallout will be inevitable if its not discussed. you cant bottle it up and let it boil over without discussing the matter with her.
you getting overstressed is what concerned me when i wrote to you ealier in the week. you'll both be depressed if you cant talk about this.
its tough, i'm definately not saying it isnt as its not a nice subject to have to bring up, but if you havent the room surely she will kind of understand?

peckarollover · 31/12/2005 09:25

i think im slipping into depression rather than normal pissedoffness about it too

its making me miserable as i just feel trapped - trapped in my own home

gravity · 31/12/2005 09:33

oh babe, you have to talk to her. listen to what your saying. you cant live like this

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