Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Has anyone had relatives living with them for extended periods?

49 replies

knottedchest · 23/12/2005 07:47

My sister has lived with me for a year now and Im getting to the end of my tether

We have no room for her and its affecting everything

has anyone else had a long term house "guest" and how did you cope?

OP posts:

peckarollover · 31/12/2005 09:34

we have a very weird relationship

socialise in the same very close group of friends, get on very well, appear to be very close but there is this undercurrent of her being my older sister that bullied me when i was little and a sort of quiet understnading that its all on her terms as she will kick off if i say anything

gravity · 31/12/2005 09:39

no relationship should be carried out on only one person's terms alone. especially not a sister. if she gets really p*d cos you ask her to move, and if she doesnt understand teh stress and strain it is causing you, maybe you two do need a break. was it your house first?

expatinscotland · 31/12/2005 09:40

i have, but we had room and it makes ALL the difference.

peckarollover · 31/12/2005 09:40

my house first? yes! we bought it about 18 months ago for me, my bf and our two children.

We got married 6 months ago - so much for wedded bliss we cant even have a shag because she sleeps on the sofa directly below us

a night in snuggled on the sofa is even out of the question!

gravity · 31/12/2005 09:41

ditto expat.... it makes def all the difference. you cant live on top of one another.... it just causes pushing and shoving...

peckarollover · 31/12/2005 09:42

yeah expat, if i had an extra room it would be a million times better

her clothes are stored in my DS wardrobe, other stuff strewn everywhere else and takes over a fair chunk of the playroom

a year ago today she got out of hospital after a car accident and came here so i could look after her - she was seriously injured and needed me to change bed pans, push her in her wheelchair but a year on her leg is better - she goes to aerobics twice a week ffs!

peckarollover · 31/12/2005 09:42

and even better

in a weeks time im having my other sisters 3 year old and her 8 week old puppy for a fortnight whilst she goes on holiday to the dominican republic

gravity · 31/12/2005 09:43

pecka - you have to talk to her no matter how hard it is, before it affects your relationship with your new hubby etc. coz then you will be real depressed and so bloody resentful of her

hercules · 31/12/2005 09:44

Yes, 6 my alcoholic bil. It was hell for about 6 months but he then got refused entry back into the UK after a holiday!

peckarollover · 31/12/2005 09:45

I must be mad - have just started childminding too so have extra kids in the house as a result of that

gravity · 31/12/2005 09:45

maybe this is your chance girl. explain your neice is coming to stay and does she think its time to start looking for alternative accomodation. explain the room dilemma (i know you shouldnt have to, but....)

gravity · 31/12/2005 09:46

herc, you sure you didnt bribe customs!

Kittypickle · 31/12/2005 09:49

I think you need to talk to your DH, I bet he would love her to go but hasn't said anything for fear of upsetting you. She does have somewhere else to go, she can go to your Mum's who lives on her own and has a spare bedroom. Your sister is unlikely to want to do this as she won't have all the home comforts that you have very very kindly been providing but that basically is tough luck. It's one of the hardest times in yours and your DH's lives financially (ie whilst children are small) and you really can not afford to take on financial responsibility for another adult as you bascially have.

You have done MORE than your fair share, in fact I think you've been a complete saint and I know I wouldn't have done what you've done. You were the first to the hospital when she had her accident, you sorted out her house when it got broken into, have lent her money that you know you have a tiny chance of getting back, the list is endless. There is inevitably going to be a fall out from you asking her to leave but not one of your making and not one that you have any guilt about.

Talk to your DH and agree a time when you can both sit down with her and tell her she needs to leave in a certain period of time, a month or two, whatever you feel is appropriate. Then let your DH do the talking and do not back down over this. You know she will use every trick in the book to make you feel guilty about it as her very easy life where she is fed, gets free use of a car etc will be coming to an end. But in the long term her staying is not doing either of you any favours. Good luck xxx

hercules · 31/12/2005 09:50

They did phone me in the night from France to ask if he lived with us and I said yes. Turns out he argued with them and wanted them to repack his case after being searched. He'd visited various eastern european countries recently and hadnt returned to Canada for years so they thought he was dodgy.

peckarollover · 31/12/2005 09:58

You are all so right, I know

Esp you kittypickly - the amount of hours i have virtually bent your ear about this, you must be sick of it but you always listen and have good advice i just need to learn how to take it.

I used the name knottedchest as this is honestly how i feel most of the time, especially when I stop and think about how unfair it all is.

gravity · 31/12/2005 10:05

pecka never sick of listening - or we wouldnt be here
its easy to be right when your not the one who has to act x

Kittypickle · 31/12/2005 10:12

Not in the slightest bit sick of listening. It's very easy for me to sit here dishing out advice but I know it's so much harder for you to do it. But, I know that you will get this horrible situation sorted out pretty soon, though it must seem hard to believe at the moment. Kick your DH out of bed and get your sister to babysit whilst you two treat yourselves to lunch somewhere in peace and can have a good talk about how you are going to handle things. I think you will feel a lot better if you both come up with a plan on how you are going to handle this.

peckarollover · 31/12/2005 10:23

I have spoken to him about very little - I guess to protect her.

Kittypickle · 31/12/2005 10:24

I think you need to tell him exactly how you are feeling as he WILL support you through this.

Kittypickle · 31/12/2005 10:24

In fact I would place large amounts of money that he is desperate to get the house back to yourselves so you can have that newly wed bliss bit that you haven't had a chance to have yet

peckarollover · 02/01/2006 10:09

I spoke to my DH last night about this and he seemed reallllly relieved that I had mentioned it. Think it has been annoying him for a while but he hasnt dare say anything to me in case it upset me.

Still no further forward on what to do though lol

noddyholder · 02/01/2006 10:42

I have been in a similar situation with my brother years ago and I had to just sit him down and tell him straight that it was affecting our family life,ds was 6 months old at the time and we were in a tint flat so you can imagine.I tried hints etc and dp was an angel tbh but in the end the direct approach did it.You have done more than enough it is time for her to sort herself out you will not believe the difference when she goes it will be like being on honeymoon honestly!She may complain to start with but deep down she will know you have been more than generous

peckarollover · 20/01/2006 07:37

still no further forward

Kittypickle · 20/01/2006 08:04

Right, don't kill me pecka, but I'm going to post up for you. Yesterday pr finished childminding at 6.00pm, put her DS down at 7.30pm, DD down at 8.30pm, ironed for a customer until 10.30pm , cleaned her kitchen til 11.30pm ready for more childminding today at 8.30am. With no help whatsoever from her sister who sat there applying cleanser and had the cheek to say at midnight when pr made herself a cup of tea "did you not make one for anyone else"

On top of that she has her other sisters dog coming this weekend, followed by her 3 year old niece the weekend after for a week whilst sister goes on holiday. And in a couple of weeks she has a 6 month baby who will be coming to be minded twice a week. And 3 people have dumped laptops on her to be mended and someone wants a website writing.

I've been chatting to Peckarollover on MSN for over 2 years now (our DS's are the same age) and I'm very worried about her this morning. She sounds very down (and has been getting this way for a bit) and not at all like herself so I'm posting this up for a good dose of MN support

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread