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Original poster

bf can't get used to the idea of having a baby?

57 replies

bayy17 · 15/10/2011 18:29

The first point when I found out I was pregnant I told him he beat me badly and sid I wouldn't be for long. He beat me because he didn't want the baby not because he was angry at me. To a point I wanted him to because I didn't want it. I met up soon after with a pro-life resource center and I guess it really got to me. So I decided maybe I didn't want to. Later found out half the side effects weren't actually as obvious as they said. Anyway I stayed pregnant. Finally I left him because he seemed more upset about the pregnancy seemed I thought he just needed time away and it aggravated him. I've finally decided to go home. This is states away and he keeps harassing me telling me I need to abort. It's like he doesn't even care about our relationship or want to be with me. My parents said they'd pay for an abortion if I wanted. I want us to be a happy family. I don't want this to bring us on bad terms ut I feel like it should be him changes. But I feel like it's only getting worst and now I'm 16 wks. I just feel like why can't he accept things the way they are? I don't know what to do. I feel like anything I'll do will ruin us. I thought leaving him to think about it would make things better but it's only gotten worst. And I'm feeling as though I'm the one who's selfish and inconsiderate. Btw we're both young 19 and 20 but I don't think he hates me just the baby. I don't see why he can't live us both. But I love him. And don't people sacrifice for the ones they love. Yet I just cry and cry about everything either way it seems. Advice?

OP posts:
Bunbaker · 15/10/2011 19:34

"also the reason he beat me because we didn't want it"

The reason he beat you is because he is an arsehole. There is never any justification for a man to beat up his girlfriend.

How can you love a man who treats you like this? He has to go. End of.

This kind of treatment from a man is wrong. He has no respect for you.

They say love is blind and you are blind to this man's faults. He is no good

Original poster
bayy17 · 15/10/2011 19:36

well I mean I wanted to lose the baby anyway so I guess to me we kind of agreed without actually verbally. That's why I didn't call it assault. I think people here have a different idea in mind then what I thank you for your advice anyway.

OP posts:
MigratingCoconuts · 15/10/2011 19:37

So...its ok that he beat you up then? really???

You are happy he did it????

Original poster
bayy17 · 15/10/2011 19:39

I want the baby but I don't I guess if I were to just be single. I don't believe in it for me at all. I guess that's another reason I want it to work.

OP posts:
Annie421 · 15/10/2011 19:39

Are you saying that you wanted him to beat the baby out of you??

pinkyredrose · 15/10/2011 19:41

She isn't a mother yet, she hasn't had the baby yet. Sounds like the pro-lifers got to her.

Love do u really want this baby and to be tied to this asshole forever?

Original poster
bayy17 · 15/10/2011 19:41

well I would've been if I'd have miscarried. But I didn't so it was a waste of time. I think I'd be happier as a mom though tbh.

OP posts:
Original poster
bayy17 · 15/10/2011 19:45

but that's with what I know now. Like I said I want this baby now but 3 months ago I had the same mindset as him. I just changed which has been the biggest issue. That I changed my mindbecause of the people I asked for advice kind of steered me in that direction anyway. And now it's become a problem between me and my bf.

OP posts:
StewieGriffinsMom · 15/10/2011 19:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StewieGriffinsMom · 15/10/2011 19:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MigratingCoconuts · 15/10/2011 19:49

sorry...I'm maybe being a bit thick but I am getting the impression now that your boyfriend beat you up, with your consent, as an alternative to have a legal abortion. Is that what you are saying happened?

squeakytoy · 15/10/2011 19:52

I want the baby but I don't I guess if I were to just be single. I don't believe in it for me at all. I guess that's another reason I want it to work.

Sweetheart, this is not going to work. Not now, not ever.

This man does not love you, and he certainly will not love the child if you go ahead with this pregnancy.

You are very young, you have your whole life ahead of you. Think very hard about what your future is going to be like, but do not for one moment include this man in your future.

There is never going to be any happy family. This man will beat you and beat you, and one day you will most likely end up dead. He will probably beat the child too.

I am not trying to be cruel, but this is the brutal honest truth.

Go to your family, and let them help you, and stay away from this man. It is not love.

Original poster
bayy17 · 15/10/2011 19:57

well I didn't actually tell him to beat me up I'm just saying that's how much we didn't want to keep. It didn't have to do with punishment or anything. He hasn't changed in that mindset I guess the ball's in my court to decide what I'm doing from there

OP posts:
Original poster
bayy17 · 15/10/2011 19:59

nevada

OP posts:
AyeScream · 15/10/2011 20:01

Only have second, so (((hugs))) and call 1−800−799−SAFE(7233). That is the number for the US Domestic Violence hotline and this is the website

AyeScream · 15/10/2011 20:03

Sorry, 1 - 800 - 799 - SAFE(7233)

CristinaaarghdellAaarghPizza · 15/10/2011 20:04

Sweetheart - this man does not have your best interests at heart. You need to stay away from him. Everything is already ruined and there is no way back. Most of us don't choose to be single parents but it's so much better than staying in an abusive relationship. I'm so glad your family are supporting you. Are you talking to them about your bf?

StewieGriffinsMom · 15/10/2011 20:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PoppadumPreach · 15/10/2011 20:06

Just to add to comments above.

There is no happy future with this man.

He is an awful man and cannot love you in a good way.

For your sake, and the baby's, you must leave him. Cut all ties.

I wish you all the very best.

Ps FabbyChic I find your comments a disgrace. Be constructive or fuck off.

StewieGriffinsMom · 15/10/2011 20:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DaisyDaresYOU · 15/10/2011 20:55

If he can harm an unborn child,i hate to think what he would to it when it's born.A man does not beat up a woman he loves.Keep you and your baby safe.If he can beat you up and try to make you lose a baby.He will be not make a nice father.

DaisyDaresYOU · 15/10/2011 21:00

Or a nice partner for that matter Sad

DaisyDaresYOU · 15/10/2011 21:09

You do not deserve this vile man.You deserve love and respect.This man does not love or respect you.You and your baby deserve better than this.You really do.A man that loves you would not hurt you(that is what he has done) a man that loves you would talk through your options in a civilised manner with you,and be there for you whatever desicion you make.Please do not accept this.He is not normal.Being a single mum isnt the end of the world.Really it isnt

StewieGriffinsMom · 15/10/2011 21:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheOriginalFAB · 15/10/2011 21:26

You sound very very messed up Sad.

You can not have a child with a man who can do this to do and tbh you don't sound ready at all to have a baby so maybe you should consider adoption.

So sad for you and the baby.