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Original poster

Yup, its friday so a sex question

58 replies

LovelyLizzie · 14/10/2011 20:26

Joking aside, I need help!
I am in my mid forties, split with husband of 22 years over a year ago. He left for a younger woman. Have been dating this (younger) guy for two months, and tomorrow is shag night.
Seriously, I am terrified! Husband was a bit of a missionary position man and I'm not very experienced. Plus, having had four kids my tummy is stretched beyond belief and my boobs have long since gone south. Plus downstairs isn't what it once was..... :(
I have bought underwear. I have waxed. I have bought new sheets (why? like he cares?).
I think I look like a hogathian gin whore and I've forgotten how to do it :(
Help :(
Please be kind, I don't post here often.
Thank you

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 14/10/2011 20:32

Have a few drinks and relax, to be honest the worse thing about sex is when you plan it.

AngieWatts · 14/10/2011 20:34

Drink wine. Lights low. Only do it if it feels right.

Original poster
LovelyLizzie · 14/10/2011 20:35

Thank you, but to be honest dating is a three act opera anyway with the kids around. Instant gratification is not going to happen in this house! :)

OP posts:
Geordieminx · 14/10/2011 20:36

Wine, candles, you will be fine

mycatsaysach · 14/10/2011 20:37

good luck

Quodlibet · 14/10/2011 20:38

You've been seeing each other a while and sex is on the cards because he likes you and is attracted to you as a whole person, not as a collection of body parts. There is no pressure from anyone other than yourself for your body to be some sort of 'perfect' - he's not going to judge you like you are judging yourself.

Allow the sex to be a conversation, not a presentation! You only have to do what you're comfortable doing and what feels good for you. Take some pressure off yourself and the encounter - first-time sex isn't often amazing, and that doesn't matter - the fun is in the practice!

MangoMonster · 14/10/2011 20:39

Don't drink too much bit enough to relax you. Don't eat too much either, will make you bloated and tired. Remember he finds you attractive and doesn't see the same body issues you do. Champagne (cheap from tesco) can get you feeling a bit more confident. Have lube ready. Plus remember he really wants to sleep with you and you are a woman that is desired! Don't do anything crazy first time but show him you are loving it (if you are) and the rest will flow. Dont think like a woman, think like a man, enjoy and be confident in how much you turn him on!

RollOnTheMum · 14/10/2011 20:40

Dont worry about your body hang ups. Men dont notice them unless you point them out. So chill, be sexU-AL and have fun! :)

MangoMonster · 14/10/2011 20:41

So exciting, have a great time!

TiggyD · 14/10/2011 20:42

Hopefully your boobs will hang down in front of your tummy so he can't see it.

When you start doing it just remember that it's basically the Hokey Cokey.

Gay40 · 14/10/2011 20:42

You've been dating for 2 months, so that would indicate he's interested in you as a person, not just a fuck.
You've had 4 children, so if he's a mature man (ie not a silly boy, this is not related to age btw) he will know that women's bodies can have a few battle scars - this is what a real woman looks like.
As for being in/experienced, this is something you can fun with together...nice to try new things.
Don't hype it up in your head. Just let it happen naturally.

babycham42 · 14/10/2011 20:43

Oh have a lovely night.Just relax and enjoy each others company.

MangoMonster · 14/10/2011 20:45

When he makes you feel good, you'll remember how to do it...

busybusybust · 14/10/2011 20:47

Oh, wow - you have a man who fancies you - just be narural.

pinkytheshrinky · 14/10/2011 20:47

I can bet you he is as nervous if not more so. Remember,he has to 'perform' which is equally nerve wracking as soft tummies etc.

RollOnTheMum is right when she says flaws are not noticed unless pointed out.Just focus on the moment if you get nervous and your mind is wondering and worrying bring yourself back into the moment and just savour that.

buzzskeleton · 14/10/2011 20:48

Tell him you're nervous, don't try to perform, and laugh together. You can always have another go if the first one ain't much cop. Grin

HauntyMython · 14/10/2011 20:56

Ooh exciting :)

Don't overthink it. You'll both be there in the moment and it will just HAPPEN. I agree with a drink to relax but don't be drunk.

The most important thing though, more important than your underwear or how dim the lights are, is that you post back here and tell us how brilliant it was :o

MeHeartsCake · 14/10/2011 21:16

ohhhh this happened to me back in July - my ex left me in January after 11 years together and he was the only person I had ever slept me.
2 stone and stretchmarks happened during those 11 years and I started dating again in July so wasnt feeling my best.
On the 3rd date the lad I was seeing came to mine to watch a dvd, I knew what was going to happen so did my body MOT and was soooo nervous I cracked the wine open waiting for him to come round and after 2 glasses I really did NOT care - just made sure the lights were off when we got to the bedroom but ended up starkers in front of him and not giving a damn - funny how confident wine makes you :)

Joolyjoolyjoo · 14/10/2011 21:19

Am excited for you! I'm sure it will be great- am almost jealous remembering those first-time-sex nerves and the anticipation. Enjoy it!

MeHeartsCake · 14/10/2011 21:19

oh...and the funny thing was every time I came back from the toilet (before we ended up in bed) I had noticed he had shuffled up a few inches to on the couch to get closer when I sat down LOL

madonnawhore · 14/10/2011 21:20

By the time he sees you naked, his engine will be so revved I guarantee you he will not be scrutinising your body.

Anyway, you are a goddess and amazing, think of it this way: for him, it's a bloody privilege!

Remember to laugh together lots too. Nothing is sexier than being laughed into bed. And being all serious about being romantic can pile the pressure on.

Have a lovely time.

Spuddybean · 14/10/2011 21:25

oh you lucky thing! as previous posters have said enjoy it. It doesn't have to be serious.

After being with someone for 11 years - and him leaving me for my petite blond best friend - the thought of being naked in front of someone else terrified me.

But, (more for me than him) i gave myself a body exfoliate, wax, put some nice smelling body lotion on, sexy undies, low light etc. But what made it nice was laughing, being honest, not trying to make it perfect (falling off the bed more than once Blush ).

The second time was better, then the third, then the fourth...

somethingwillturnup · 14/10/2011 21:39

I can say, hand on heart, after 7 children and battle scars you wouldn't believe - THEY DON'T CARE. I promise you. Like Gay40 said, if he's a 'man' he'll realise that there will be some dents and scratches but that's what makes you, you.

Lucky, lucky you Wink

Original poster
LovelyLizzie · 14/10/2011 21:41

Sorry, had to leave this thread for a while as my ten year old thought it would be funny to try to stick a spider in his sisters gob whilst she was sleeping.
You are all so lovely! I will certainly report back. (What if it goes horribly wrong?) Thank you all so much :)

OP posts:
madonnawhore · 14/10/2011 21:45

If it goes horribly wrong, just laugh. No one's scoring you out of ten or judging. The worst thing to do would be to try to hold the experience to impossibly high standards.

Relax and enjoy.