Anybody else TOTALLY unable to communicate with their partner / husband?

[curious2]

H and I have serious problems in our relationship which now mean that we live emotionally and physically separate lives within the same house. Yet despite what is staring me in the face, I am TOTALLY unable to broach the subject with him. Mainly because I know from past experience that he will simply get angry, blame it all on me and shout me down so to speak.
However how long can I carry on living with my head in the sand?????
Just wondering whether anybody else has found themselves in this situation and what you think it actually means?
H extremely unlikely to consider couples counselling. I have started to see a counsellor (not relate) by myself in the hope that I will understand myself and the situation better.
I am 42 but feel as if my emotional / sexual life is over and as if all that is lack of excitement and a general feeling of drifting hopelessly about . Should add that we have three children who are 5, 7 and 9 and whom we both love to bits.

I hardly communicate with my Husband. My Husband had a depressing childhood so he is very silent man. Often I am angry and frustrated because of all such things. My frustration is increasing day by day. He is good person but we both doesn't connect well. We have 10 months old daughter as well but it looks like we both are living together just for her.

I just wondered if anybody is in a similar situation. I am married to .y husband for 14 years but we are together for over 20. We have two kids 13 and 11 years old and twins of my previous relationship. The problem that I have is that my husband is very controlling. I looked up on that and he is definitely a Narcissist. if I don't do what he wants he shouts and screams at mein front of my kids. I told him that his behaviour is mental abuse and not normal. His answer is that they are desensitised and I make him. I am the only one who he screams at. I was diagnosed last year with pre breast cancer and that was a wake up call. So I started to started to stand up for myself. Since then I had a year of hell. He told my boys that I am not right. I am an alcoholic, I am a nut case, I am depressed..... It's never him it's always me. He did gaslighting for years. Every time we went out I got told afterwards that I misbehaved. I couldn't remember anything. We went to a wedding and I had 2 glasses of wine when he watched me in hate. When I finally confronted him he started shouting and screaming at me. " That's the alcohol that did it" I walked away and he grabbed me so I fell over. I was wearing high heels. It was do embarrassing. I wasn't drunk but he was jealous because I spoke to few people. I can't have any friends because they are "all stupid". He is very manipulative
He lies and us very convincing. Nobody believes me. They think that I am ungrateful. I am getting deeper and deeper into depression. I was so close to end it few weeks ago. I am not happy about anything anymore. I hate my life. I told him that I want to seperate but he won't have it. I feel like his property. If I am with him I can buy whatever I want like a bird in a golden cage. If I leave him he will do everything to destroy me. He will take my boys away and I end up in the gutter. I am on my wit's end. Please is there anybody who can help me?

I just wanted to find out if you found a solution curiously

First of all i know this is a slightly old post but 2 pages in all that was coming to my mind was that a few of you seem to be a victim of narcissism (just like myself) and i couldnt help but sign up to write this message. it was mentioned at the last page by barty182 .

Curious2 and barty182 hope you have also managed to sort things out. I understand exactly how you have felt. I have been through this for almost 8 years. I can't express myself as it's just disregarded. My feelings don't matter or it's my fault all the time. I am dismissed ALL the time. I can't remember a single time in 8 years where my partner has communicated with me off his own back. Says it all. It's exhausting! The life has just been sucked outta me. I hope you can find peace with yourselves and do what is right FOR YOU.

I also have been through the times of being told I've had really bad behaviour during parties or wherever and that I was being looked at funny and all these things. I believed him every time until I knew one occasion where I Definatelt wasn't drunk and remembered EVERYTHING and he told me otherwise.

There are many more situations I've been in that all relate to his narcissism.

Sorry for the really long message. I just hate to think of all the other people suffering like me and not many people are aware of narcissism.

Realising that you are a victim of narcissism is the start of your journey to recovery.

If anybody needs a chat please feel free to message me

Xxx

I think the only thing you should communicate is "I want a divorce." This situation is untenable and is going to do so much harm to your children. These scars from being raised in a loveless home will never heal.

How strange. This was my post, and I am now (almost) divorced. It took a long to get to that point though.

Do you feel better within yourself for having a divorce despite the guilt you may feel about your children etc? I have a child with my narcissistic boyfriend and I feel that's the only reason I'm still with him

A lot of things do feel better yes, and I am glad that my dc mostly don’t have to be exposed to our difficult relationship any more. The divorce has been traumatic though, and life feels very strange.

Found this and need some advice is anyone available?