OK, Apologies if TMI, but I really need some advice

[tigermoll]

Right, this might get a little graphic, so I apologise in advance:

For about two years, I have been suffering on and off with a bartholian cyst, which is an infection in a gland in the labia. It swells up, is painful, then ruptures, drains, and heals. This is painful and kind of repulsive, and takes about a week from initial infection to rupture, then another week to heal.

The first time it happened, I was terrified, went to the doctor, got antibiotics and was warned it would probably recur. Since then, it has happened about six times, but only once as badly as the first. On this occasion, I went to an emergency doctor, who did not examine me, but prescribed antibiotics. That was a few months ago. It recurred two weeks ago, and this time I went back to the doctor, determined to get it sorted (an opperation to remove the cyst had previously been mentioned)

The doctor examined me, said it didn't look like a bartholian cyst to him, and that it might be herpes. I was too shocked to ask any questions and he didn't elaborate. He has given me antivirals to take.

So what the hell do I do? I have been in a monogamous relationship since before this started happening, my partner has had no symptoms of anything like this, and I know I have not been unfaithful. I am sure (and I know that a lot of people would say this, and not all of them would be right) but I am ABSOLUTELY SURE that my partner has not cheated on me.

Do I tell him? My partner text me to ask how it went at the doctor, and I just said 'fine, more antibiotics' because I didn't know what to tell him. I'm so scared that a) I have a lifelong, unpleasant STD, that will make people treat me like a leper, and b) my OH will think I have cheated on him and dump me. Is there any way I could have got it from him and him not show any symptoms? How long could I have had it? If I've had it for years, why hasn't he got it too (we don't use barrier contraception) How can I find out for sure if I have it? Why wasn't the doctor more informative? I'm really scared and revolted and i just want to cry.

Thanks to anyone who got this far

Please delete one 'have' from the above!

OK, have sent off an email to the practice about the dr in question, and how dissatisfed I feel. Hopefully they can get back to me and resolve this.

I'm glad I've done that, - a few years ago, I had a really bad experience during a cervical smear test, and never made a complaint. I really wish I had at the time, but at least I haven't just let this one go.

It sounds very uncomfortable, no matter what it is :(

It does sound much more like a BC than H.

I really do think you should put your complaint in writing to the surgery & the NHS. Drs like this need either weeding out or retraining - or something ).

I hope the GUM clinic can put your mind at rest.

Other than all of that - I hope you are doing something to sort out this issue in your relationship, because it isn't on that you couldn't talk to him about what happened today because you knew he'd think you'd cheated on him or whatever - that's not good.

Well done TM :) Sorry about your previous experience - it's rubbish isn't it. I had a horrible smear done when I was a teenager - the old cow obviously felt that young girls shouldn't need to have them done (I was 17 so not exactly a babe in arms!) and she was very rough and hurt me quite a lot - like you I didn't complain. Let's just say, I've changed a lot in the intervening years but it does still put me off having them done as often as I should.

It doesn't sound like herpes at all, but to be sure, you need to call your local GUM clinic tomorrow and get an immediate appointment for testing. Your GP is a bit of a twat as he could have swabbed it for you and sent it off to be tested for herpes himself. If the lesion goes before you have it swabbed you will have to wait for the next one to be sure.

GUM clinics always offer emergency appointments for people showing symptoms. Best of luck. Remember, if it is herpes, it's not the end of the world :) Lots of people have it. With all due respect, I'd much rather have herpes (which I have) than what you have :( sounds horrible. Poor you.

I know its a bit bad that I don't want to tell my partner, but be honest: if I posted on here saying that my partner had been diagnosed with an STD but swore blind to me that he hadn't cheated, a lot of people would think I was a fool for believing him.

Eric - if I do have herpes, what advice can you give me?

If it was herpes then it would be type two, which is the more aggressive type (I have type one) but you can take anti-virals - aciclovir on repeat prescription won't do you any harm and it suppresses the virus. I'd advise you find out as much as possible about it before telling DP and unless he's a complete numpty he will understand. It's very possible to contract herpes after a long time of being with someone and for them to have no symptoms at all.

I thought I had herpes too..out of my mind with worry..went to GUM who were fab..dr immediately said it was an infected hair follicle but they did a test anyway, which came back negative..They rub a swab on the sore..and send it away..t'was negative..it took about 10 days for the test to come back btw..had to make excuses re sex with dp..Hope it works out for you..the other thing to know is that herpes can stay inthe system and erupt at any time..so you or dh may have bn carrying virus for ages..before you met tbh and it's only now presented itself. Good luck..keep us updated..and bug hugs

Aciclovir is what I've been prescribed, but I'm going to hold off starting the course until I've seen the GUM clinic tomorrow, if I can get an appointment. In the past, I've (understandably, since it doesnt make you feel very sexy) avoided sexual contact with my partner when having an attack of herpes/BC, so I suppose there's a chance I havent passed it to him. Or is it possible that he's got it, but doesnt have symptoms?

It's very possible that he has asymptomatic herpes and in fact more likely he passed it to you, as you had your first outbreak while with him, and if you are going to have symptoms they usually show as soon as you contract the virus.

There is no way of testing for carriers though.

I had a BC, it was much as you described in your OP (except I didn't get to the rupture stage, I went to A&E after about 4 weeks of putting up with the pain. I had it removed the next day. It's never come back). GP's aren't infallible. Don't panic until you have all the facts (easy for me to say!)

No, it doesn't mean that he's had complaints, just that the practice has agreed that's what should happen.

I would have thought that the first episode (if herpes) would have clearly been herpes - the first attack is usually the worst and there's no doubt that's what it is.

I would think many more people appear with herpes, so that's why he jumped to that conclusion.

You have my sympathy. Don't panic, don't speak to your partner about it, but go to the GUM clinic asap. Best of luck.

sorry you're having to go through this OP it sounds very painful poor you. First of all just reading the first bit of your post where the GP just went "I think it might be Herpes" had me going [shocked] at the phonescreen! did he miss the Bedside Manner Module of his Medical Training? Glad you complained! Don't panic (easier said than done I know) and don't tell your partner yet until you know what it is for definate & go to the GUM clinic for a specialised check. Good luck OP x

Tigermoth it's ok if you don't tell him until it's resolved one way or t'other, as long as you abstain from oral and genital contact until you know for sure. Condoms and dental dams can minimise transmission, but don't offer full protection.

If you do have herpes then acyclovir will reduce the severity of any future outbreaks, and will minimise viral shedding (the way the virus is transmitted). Avoid kissing your partner or oral sex if he has a coldsore.
Anti-inflammatories (Nurofen) and topical anaesthetics(Emla) will take care of pain and swelling.
Avoiding stress and maintaining good general health will reduce outbreaks. Vitamin C, Zinc and Echinacea supplements may help as well.

tigermoll

You should be able to talk to your partner, OP, really you should

eg I had a pg scare this week

my DH had a vasectomy 10 yrs ago...go figure

I told him I missed my period, he was fine about it, even started getting excited about a baby

you should be able to tell your partner

GP should have swabbed to test for herpes, and which type. It's possible to get the coldsore-type herpes on genitals - if it is, it would help rule out the infidelity worries.

As others have said though - you need to know what it is before you work out what to do about it.

I told my partner last night, - I wasn't going to, because I thought it was pointless to worry him until I was sure, etc. But I clearly was acting weird and didn't want to be touched, and he could tell there was something wrong. I thought it would be better to tell him and just face the storm, than spend the next ten days waiting for the test results and saying 'nothing' when he asked what was the matter.

He was an angel. He listened to me calmly, and didn't look repulsed, or scared, or leap to his feet and call me a scarlet woman, or demand to know if I'd cheated on him. He stroked my arm and said 'It doesn't sound like you've got herpes. It sounds like you've got a rubbish doctor. But have the test just to be on the safe side'. 'So you're not going to dump me because I've got dirty herpes?' I asked. 'If you have, then I've probably got it too. So we can have dirty herpes together.' Then he gave me a hug and a big drink.

I love him. And I feel bad for assuming he'd take the news badly. Just goes to show, people can always surprise you

:)

Your OH is great. What a fabulous reaction!

yay, gotta love your partner ...

What did I say ? You should be able to tell a decent type that trusts you and respects you

< does a little satisfied jig around the thread >

good luck with your tests results, but I think you will find they are just as reassuring too

Oh that's great that you told him and he was such a star :)

I hope the GUM results are good news too, but as you can see, people seem to cope OK even when they do have Herpes - so even if you do, it's not the end of the world - it could be much worse.

UPDATE: test results for herpes have come back negative! Am pretty relieved Thanks for all your support!

Fantastic news, so the BC was probably the correct diagnosis?

Yep, - I have a gynae app for Nov, when they will 'marsupialise' it. Which sounds DELIGHTFUL.