I need to make a decision between two men.. and I'd like your thoughts please

[HelpMeChoose]

I have been a LP for a long time, I have had the odd BF, but before I get shot at for being a brazen hussy... I know it's not an ideal situation, please don't flame me. I'm trying to sort it out..

I met PP1 (Potential partner 1) online several months ago, we have talked daily since, but never really planned to meet up, we just got on really well and seem to agree on almost everything..

I met PP2 through a mutual friend, we were set up because my friend thought we would be a good match... I ended up getting quite drunk that night and ending up going to bed with him.. which was absolutely amazing (it had been a long time) but I didn't think it would go any further than that..
PP2 contacted me after that night and told me that he would like to see me again, and we arranged to meet up the following weekend, and we had a drink and spent the rest of the time that I was there in bed... the sex again was absolutely amazing and I had never been with anyone who could please me so easily..

The whole time I am still talking to PP1 daily.
I continue to see PP2 for the odd naughty weekend when the DC are on overnight stays. PP2 then tells me that he likes me, and has implied that he would marry me.. but I can't get PP1 out of my head, I had never met him, but I talk to him every day and know that he would look after me and make me feel safe.

I decide that I can't let things go any further until I have met PP1 and got him out of my head, we arrange a date and it was lovely.. he brought a single red rose for me, pulled my chair out for me and tucked me in, and was a perfect gentleman..

So now I am a bit confused.. I like them both for different reasons..
I want to find someone to settle down with..

I have bullet-pointed my pros and cons..

PP1

• Lovely gentleman, I could see him treating me the way my dad still treats my mum now
• Romantic
• Wants marriage and children
• Has a good job and lots of ambition, knows what he wants out of life.
• Have only met him the once, but I still know him much more.
• Christian

PP2

• Amazing in bed but likes to always been in control and make me a bit sub, although I prefer not to be.
• Has told me that he doesn't usually date people 'my size' (16)
• I could act out absolutely any fantasy that ever entered my head as he is up for anything
• Always makes sure I am fully satisfied
• Extremely affectionate, cuddle all night long.
• Wants marriage and (maybe) children
• Old fashioned, believes that cooking/cleaning etc is womans work.. and that woman are there 'to please men'
• Agnostic

I have never been with someone who satisfies me as much as PP2, and although I know that PP1 is the sensible choice, and I know it sounds shallow, but after being in a relationship where the sex was really crap, I worry that if I go for 'sensible', that I will be disappointed and unhappy if the sex lacks somewhat..
Currently, sex hasn't even been mentioned with PP1

Both of them I would happily take home to my parents..

I have talked to both of them about my DC, and they have both reacted appropriately, taking an interest but not overkill.

Really I just want to know your thoughts and get a bit of help to put this in perspective.. I know that nobody can make the decision for me..

And I know it seems trivial compared to some other peoples problems, and for that I'm sorry..

Ditch no 2.
-He pushes your boundaries - boundaries are there for a reason.
-His attitude to 'women's work' would make you a skivvy, not a partner.
-He makes jibes about your size, by expressing surprise he's interested in you. Subtext: he's lowering himself by deigning to fuck you, be grateful.

See how no 1 pans out.

What you need is a lot more casual sex with different men. Seriously. This will stop you thinking you have to put up with crap and compromise just so as not to be single, and will help you realise that great sex is great sex but having it does not oblige you to stay with the man if he has other qualities you don't like.

Okay, I don't know much about the various rules of Christianity, but I don't think sex outside of marriage is that frowned upon these days, is it? I don't think you've done anything wrong - you mentioned "lots of boyfriends" and seemed almost shamed or apologetic about that in your first post, but again, there's nothing wrong with that. You've said you don't like dating more than one person at once so it's not like you've been stringing multiple guys along. I also think PP1 is probably appearing straight laced because he's on his best behaviour - a good sign, BTW.

You know, this PP2 guy sounds pretty manipulative/controlling. I wouldn't be surprised if he had persuaded you to have sex earlier than you'd normally have, the way that he is pushing at your boundaries now. I'd be steering well clear. In fact the fact he's told you he "is going to" do anal is extremely alarming. Please don't meet him again - put it down to a good sexual experience, but one which is in the past. Just because you have had sex with him now, doesn't mean you have to "make it right" by having a relationship with him. Firstly, it wouldn't change anything at all, and secondly, even religious people are allowed to make mistakes. God forgives - and what pushed you to ask here in the first place? :) You sound like a lovely person with your heart in exactly the right place.

If you have good chemistry with PP1 in general then it's likely you'll be well matched sexually. And if he's a kind and considerate person and a good listener, then you can't go far wrong, unless you happen to have vastly different sex drives or one of you has an extreme taste the other doesn't share.

Like everyone else, the more I read about PP2, the more I want to put my hands inside him (like see how far down his throat I could get both fists, say...) Get rid of him immediately, because not only does he sound like he's taken one of those nasty 'How to be a player' courses that specialise in dismantling women's self-esteem, he's also not doing your potential future with PP1 any favours (ie, you've set them up as Safe-but-Straight-Laced' and 'Sexy but Bad' opposites, and you keep comparing PP1 with him.) PP2 is already laying siege to your sense of self, and trying to force you to do things you don't want to do in bed - enjoy the memories of the good bits of the sex, but move on from this manipulative, sexist creep. He's told you what he is like, with the weight comments, and the 'women's work stuff' - believe him.

That doesn't make PP1 your soul mate either, of course, but he sounds as if he's worth considering seriously, without having creepy, control-freak, anal-obsessed PP2 waiting in the wings and absorbing your mental energies. Good luck! And bin the guilt, too.

I've got an idea..why not actually meet the first one and then decide? And why does it have to be either, neither is an option!

She has met PP1, but only once, I think.

Oh, didn't see that bit...well maybe time to get to know him a bit more, a second and third meeting perhaps?

I'd agree. Also agree with most that PP2 is a waste of space, but I said that (kinder) much earlier in the thread.

Good luck, OP.

Yeah, I can't imagine many women being interested in a man who says they are there "to please men"! And cooking/cleaning being "women's work"! It's as much the fact he actually voices those beliefs! It sounds to me as though he's giving our OP the benefit of his amazing company as he can't find a woman in his desired size!

Cunts like that can never find their ideal woman, because she's perpetually 18, slim and innocent, but can give the best blow jobs ever, cook, clean and do childcare just exactly like they should.... Gah, sorry, caught up in a friend's shite breakup and transferring.

Apologies, OP, I've just seen/know too much.

Please ditch PP2.

Give PP1 a chance; it might work, it might not, but he has to be worth a bit more time.

You need to dump pp2, think you might see another side then as well. Is everything that you've said about him worth putting ip with for good sex?

Pp1 has potential, you've no idea how you will connect.

Not pp2 - I was going to say get rid of him after the w/e, but changed my mind when I read that he tries to do things you don't want him to do, I think you should get rid of him straight away.
I agree with whoever said pp3 !

BUT, I think you should give pp1 a chance, although you say you get on really well etc.etc., this is just with his internet persona - the real him will be different. My fingers are crossed that he's awesome in bed :)

Bin PP2 immediately! Apart from all the other awful stuff he's said and done, he actually said he was going to anally rape you?!!![schock]

Go with PP1 on a few dates, sounds like you get on well with him, tho personally what another poster said, any man who pulled out a chair for me that would be the last date, cos I would infer old-fashioned values from that and maybe not so different from PP1,s views of women.

But as a LP myself, that would be the deciding factor for me for a long-term relationship, how he and my child relate

Personally, I agree with what SolidGoldBrass said!

Definately not PP2. PP2 needs to be binned off, lots of red flags re this individual (women are there to please men, comments re your size and telling you to lose weight are but two signs of a Loser).

I'd like to know why you would have considered taking PP2 home to meet your parents anyway.

A relationship is not just about sex.

I'd give PP1 a further opportunity and see how a relationship with him would pan out; he sounds a lot nicer overall.

Please ditch PP2. As you say it has been a while that you have been on your own, the sex might just be great because it is droughtbreaking! I also don't see how it can be that great if you are having to repeat that there are things that you don't want to do. Where's his sensitivity?

Have a few more platonic dates with PP1 and see if the spark is there. If not, you're obviously attracting them in droves, just try the next in line!

Get rid of PP2. Lots of red flags mentioned in your OP. At first I was going to say he's fine for a casual fling if the sex is great, just not relationship/marriage material with the offensive comments about weight and women's work. But if he's hurting you in bed and pressuring you to do things you don't want - well that doesn't sound like good sex to me. In fact he sounds vile. Can't see any reason to have any further contact with him.

Can't really comment on PP1, he sounds nice enough from what you've said but you don't really know him well enough to know. Maybe try spending a bit of time with him and see how it goes?

You don't have to choose either of them of course. There are plenty of other men out there, and anyway it's better to be single IMO than stuck in an unhappy or abusive relationship.

Haven't read whole thread but nooooooo to sexist dude. He sounds like a guy I went out with for five minutes. The sex is to draw you in, and kind of a "performance", then the shitty personal comments and treating you like a domestic servant (which is what women are for, in his eyes) will begin.

Other guy sounds quite nice, and may be a demon in bed for all you know.

PP2 may be great in bed, but he already sounds quite critical and controlling of you. It's not a good start and would only get worse as time goes on as he clearly thinks you are "weaker" than him and will not fight against these comments, etc.

Ditch him and see what happens with PP1.

Bin PP2, in fact see if you can arrange to have him kidnapped and deported to a specially-made island for pushy nasty wankers

And... why not bin PP1, too? He's not Mr. Right, he's Mr. Settled For. Don't settle. At least not yet - get on out there and start ferreting through the undergrowth for PP3.

I'm in agreement with everyone else, - ditch PP2 and see how it goes with PP1.

All PP2 has going for him is the great sex, and I'm willing to bet that, if you stay with him, that will tail off. He may be v keen at the moment on making sure you're satisfied, but I'm pretty sure that, in time, it would gradually move more and more into you doing the things he wanted to do. In six months time, you would suddenly realise that the sex between you had degenerated into you jumping through his hoops, and doing lots of things you don't really enjoy, in an attempt to please him and get the sex back to how good it used to be. Ditch now.

Def go for PP1, PP2 sounds like a cunt!

PP2 should be dumped. You say he's good in bed but then say he tells you to lose weight, he's never slept with anyone your size before and then he tries to fist you? FFS woman, tell him to get lost.

I'm not sure about PP1. There doesn't sound as though there's any great passion there on either side. He may be suitable on paper, but did you feel drawn towards him?

Out there is a PP3 just waiting for you. You may have to kiss a lot of other men before you find him, but keep at it and you'll get there. Once you do, you'll wonder how you could have even thought of PP2 at least as an option.

And btw "Lovely gentleman" makes PP1 sound like a nice old man. Do you want that?