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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

New relationship sex issue

62 replies

objectonly · 10/10/2011 18:33

I've name changed...
This is possibly going to sound like a troll but I'm honestly not.

Ok, my problem is that I'm a few (6/7) weeks into a new relationship, after a long and mostly sexless marriage, and this new man seemed really nice, until we started having sex.

We used to text flirt a bit during the day. Now all he can text me about is going down on me, all he wants to talk about is how he is going to go down on me. When we are having sex, he just looks at my lady parts for ages like it's a fascinating new invention and I feel like if I could chop that part of my anatomy and leave it with him he wouldn't care or miss the rest of me at all. It's like an obsession and I feel like I'm not a person to him any more.

I don't know if this is normal, to get so interested in your new partner's genitals. To be honest I am finding it very creepy and I am thinking of ending things. I don't know if I'm overreacting though, I don't have a lot of relationship experience and I don't know if I am being unfair to him.
I don't have any healthy relationship experience really, I don't know how to judge if someone is nice.
Should I be... flattered? Is it creepy? :(

OP posts:
AKissIsNotAContract · 10/10/2011 21:31

No one should be told to overlook something that makes them uncomfortable in a relationship, even if the rest of us think it's something we would like. The OP mentioned that she had already discussed it with him.

BertieBotts · 10/10/2011 21:39

True, but this early in a relationship, why bother? It's obviously something that pleases this guy. She should set him free to go find some oral-loving woman. Perhaps "DUMP HIM" is a bit strong, but "This isn't working" is fair, I think.

AnyPhantomFucker · 10/10/2011 21:41

An oral fetishist wouldn't do for me Smile

Sariah · 10/10/2011 21:45

I like the idea of being looked at as I am a bit of an exhibitionist but being stared at would put me off completely as it aint that pretty down there. I guess some guys are boob men, others like bums and then there are obviously some who like staring at fanjos. Only do what you like and are comfortable with.

HerScaryness · 10/10/2011 21:46

Digging the phantom, didn't like the corpse either, at least a phantom is weightless, no dragging required!

tallwivghoulies made me PMSL! LOVE that name!

cecilyparsley · 10/10/2011 21:48

ok, I was being facetious, if his thing isnt her thing then thats just the way it is.
Perhaps she can steer him into things that she does like, or perhaps after a while they will both adapt a bit to each other preferences and find a mutually agreeable sexual repertoire?

The problem for the op seemed to be mainly that she's unsure of whether there is something abnormal about her partners behaviour?

BertieBotts · 10/10/2011 21:48

I was thinking of going with BerstieSpots as a hallowe'en name but wasn't sure if it was too vague.

AnyPhantomFucker · 10/10/2011 21:49

ghoulies or goolies mwah-ha-haaaaaaaaa

< thunk >

Uppity · 10/10/2011 22:00

Hmm. I wouldn't mind an oral fetishist if all he did was cunnilingus, but it's the endless staring at it that I would find rather trying, although I might be tempted to use the opportunity to start reading all those heavyweight books I've been meaning to read for ages while he stares at my punani in a creepy fashion. War and Peace, Germinale, that biography of Franco on the shelf...

Actually, having posted that, I've gone off the idea. Dump him already. Grin

I think if you've already told him that you find it uncomfortable and he's still intruding on that boundary, he is too tiresome to put up with. You don't have to have him around, women don't have to compromise on what they want from a man, and you can read Tolstoy without the inconvenience of having a draught around your undercarriage.

objectonly · 10/10/2011 22:05

Well it has been really helpful to talk about this with mumsnet. In my head it sounds so ridiculous "my boyfriend won't stop pleasuring me what is wrong with him" and I was worried about if it was my own hang up.

I have been absorbing and reflecting everyone's views. I think the fact is something about his attitude overall is making me uncomfortable, and that means things can't carry on.

Tasty, is it really your ex husband? Blush Shock

Kitty, yes I think I can sort of picture him doing something like that! Confused

OP posts:
objectonly · 10/10/2011 22:07

And thanks ladies for making me laugh. :)

OP posts:
piratecaaaaaaaaaghhht · 11/10/2011 11:40

yep the attitude thing is making you uncomfortable, and if so, there's no point is there.

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