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Original poster

New relationship sex issue

62 replies

objectonly · 10/10/2011 18:33

I've name changed...
This is possibly going to sound like a troll but I'm honestly not.

Ok, my problem is that I'm a few (6/7) weeks into a new relationship, after a long and mostly sexless marriage, and this new man seemed really nice, until we started having sex.

We used to text flirt a bit during the day. Now all he can text me about is going down on me, all he wants to talk about is how he is going to go down on me. When we are having sex, he just looks at my lady parts for ages like it's a fascinating new invention and I feel like if I could chop that part of my anatomy and leave it with him he wouldn't care or miss the rest of me at all. It's like an obsession and I feel like I'm not a person to him any more.

I don't know if this is normal, to get so interested in your new partner's genitals. To be honest I am finding it very creepy and I am thinking of ending things. I don't know if I'm overreacting though, I don't have a lot of relationship experience and I don't know if I am being unfair to him.
I don't have any healthy relationship experience really, I don't know how to judge if someone is nice.
Should I be... flattered? Is it creepy? :(

OP posts:
MangoMonster · 10/10/2011 19:57

Actually I was going to day, maybe it's a new sexual experience for him. Maybe his wife didn't like it and he didnt feel confident with other women. Maybe he's in awe of how he can make you feel good as he hasn't had that before. Give him a chance unless there's anything else he does that you find creepy?

ColonelBrandon · 10/10/2011 20:09

Maybe it's new and wondrous to him, a fantasy come true [do you know much about his own relationship history to speculate?]

Depends on whether you think an accommodation can be reached so he stops being so awestruck by the bounty that is before him and you can get used to his appreciation.

But if you have been clear (rather than polite about his performance) and he's not listening, then fair emuff to end it. It's the not being sensitive to your needs so early in a relationship that would be the red flag rather than first sex awkwardnesses iyswim.

TastyMuffins · 10/10/2011 20:15

Sorry, but I used to be married to him, he's just a bit obsessive by nature. He has other mental health issues, if you stick around longer you'll see. He will continue to tell you what he likes and what he wants but probably will forget all about what you might want.

buggerlugs82 · 10/10/2011 20:21

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns.

MangoMonster · 10/10/2011 20:25

tasty I assume you're joking? Bit harsh if you don't know the guy.

HairyGrotter · 10/10/2011 20:28

Sweet Baby J, that would be immense if it were true?!

AnyFucker · 10/10/2011 20:29

if it's creeping you out, then he's being creepy

end of

you don't have to stay with him if you don't want to, btw

I was going to say "next time he stares ask him if he wants a photograph" except I fear he will say yes and then what will happen ? Smile

AnyFucker · 10/10/2011 20:31

tasty do you mean you were married to this actual man, or someone like him ? Hmm

HerScaryness · 10/10/2011 20:32
KatAndKit · 10/10/2011 20:34

come on tasty tell us more!

AnyFucker · 10/10/2011 20:35

I got sick of dragging it around, scary

AKissIsNotAContract · 10/10/2011 20:36

If you are not comfortable with him then dump him. This wouldn't be a problem for me, but that's not the point. It's a problem for you so he isn't the right man for you.

cyb · 10/10/2011 21:03

All this DUMP HIM ranting

Turn the tables for a minute- maybe you find it hard to relax, open up, be lavished with attention. He might actually adore you and youre just not used to being adored.

Its a bit like saying 'My new man KEEPS buying me dinner, I find it creepy'

tallwivghoulies · 10/10/2011 21:03

AF, you could be AnyPhantomFucker...a touch of alliteration and all that?

Object I was thinking you should be flattered until you said he was like a boy with a new hobby...Ew Confused

KittyChat · 10/10/2011 21:04

erm... something similar happened to me. I also felt really uncomfortable. I ignored it (the sex was good, a friends-with-benefits thing) and it progressed to him trying to take secret pictures of me ... down there Shock. I ended it there and then.

Not saying that this will happen to you, of course, but just that I wish I'd listened to my instincts earlier.

HairyGrotter · 10/10/2011 21:07

How did he try and take secret pictures, if you don't mind me asking? I find that really fucking creepy, and rightly so!

KittyChat · 10/10/2011 21:12

Hairy - it was during the act itself. I thought he was busy doing his thing, until I saw a flash (from the camera). Blush

AnyFucker · 10/10/2011 21:16

tallwiv I think I might do the PhantomFucker, good idea

I got a bit uncomfortable with "corpse"...it didn't seem right

BertieBotts · 10/10/2011 21:21

But cyb, it doesn't matter. If someone didn't like going out to dinner and all their new boyfriend wanted to do was buy them dinner, it would still be okay for her to say "Actually this isn't working out." Clearly she'd be better off with someone who was happy with a pizza in front of the TV, and he'd be happier with someone who loved eating out. So they are not compatible. It's nothing to do with what you or most people or anyone else in the world would like. How about we're all different and all like different things in a relationship?

BertieBotts · 10/10/2011 21:22

Yeah AF I wasn't keen on the Corpse, but kept coming across you on serious threads and it didn't seem appropriate to say something...

AnyPhantomFucker · 10/10/2011 21:24

I know Bertie. I realised when I nearly posted in that name on a Bereavement thread. I though "wtf am I doing?" Thank Gawd I didn't.

cyb · 10/10/2011 21:25

Yes okay Bertie but theres a MILE of difference between DUMP HIM and

'Lets have a chat, there's something you're doing I'm not 100% OK with , please desist'

Unless of course all they've got is in the bedroom

cecilyparsley · 10/10/2011 21:26

ha ha secret pictures...guess he wanted something more concrete than mental images for his 'wank bank' (horrid phrase I know)

I dont really see what the problem is!
I mean the advice to dump him because he has a real thing for giving oral...I might dump him if he didnt Grin

AnyPhantomFucker · 10/10/2011 21:30

Mithering all day long would piss me right off, tbh

And I'm not that keen on (receiving) oral

AnyPhantomFucker · 10/10/2011 21:31

But that's just me Smile