Using force to drag me around

[Arrogantcat]

Is it ok to throw someone about, punch their arms and shove them against the wall?

Nice in theory Bogey, but abusive types cannot see that they have a problem, they project on to themselves. If someone is having a breakdown then they don't necessarily behave aggressively and no one should have to be party to it. Unfortunately few abusers get made to do DV perp programmes and anger management courses are proven to be crap. You can take a horse to water but you cannot make it drink ... if he is able after this monumental abuse of someone else to begin to consider what his problem is and do serious work on his problem then the op can take it from there. She is not obliged to do anything after an incident like this. Please everyone don't think too far ahead or bring your own issues into this. OP needs safety now, police now, and get to the end of the day. The rest will happen. Hopefully he gets locked up til tomorrow and she will undoubtedly get DV support from the police. Let's help her get through the next few hours?

I was merely questioning whether he was ill, he isnt. So I was wrong and I accept that.

I dont need help from anyone thank you, I have dealt with my past with the help of therapy and counselling.

Hiding this thread now as I am clearly about as popular as a kick in the doodah.

The police WILL take this seriously. YOU MUST GET OUT NOW. Listen arrogant, listen.

Yous aw how upset your dd was yes? Likely hood is this will come out in school. She will be traumatised.

THEY WILL involve ss, then it will be out of your hands. Keeping children in this environment is a no-go for them. It's abusive in itself.

Think, think, think. She has witnessed this and been traumatised, the reality of her going to school and telling someone is very high. Not scare tactics but now a reality, that it's spilled over into the kids lives.

Am going to have to go. Thank you so much for "talking" to me. I am in a right state. I just want to hug my kids and get as far away from him as I can.

Bogeyface, this is not an "isolated incident". The OP also details verbal and emotional abuse.

Also, men who commit DV will not always indulge in violence outside the home. Some of them (or a LOT) will only ever show that vicious streak behind closed doors.

Arrogantcat, no. The police will not ignore this, and many forces will press charges for what you've described, although it's easier if he admits it in questioning. This is still abuse.

Bogey, sorry love, but if you are in any way apologising or allowing the merest hint of a doubt where it's OK for a person to hit another person, your therapy is not complete.

I can see you are defensive, and I understand that, you are not ready to accept that it has not all gone away.

Don't hide, please be a little brave, take a deep breath and let others help you just a little bit more. you really DO deserve that.

No-one is judging you here. Remember that? please?

Arrogantcat I'm so glad you're getting out. Please do, please don't return to such a worthless piece of filth. No one has the right to hurt you and no one should have to suffer this. You would do far more damage to your dc to leave them in this relationship than for them to miss a bit of school.

Remember, passports, birth certs etc can ALL be re ordered.

Keep safe and please keep us updated. You know there are people all over the globe who are thinking about you and wishing you strength and courage.

ArrogantCat, my love, please take the step you need to, please protect yourself and your little ones?

Don't allow this. I promise you, the other side of this, once you are out of this environment, is so much better. OK so some aspects of it can be hard, but at least you have hope that it'll get better.

Staying with this man, it'll only ever get worse. Get out while you still can.

The most chilling thing to me on this thread was "My daughter is begging me to say sorry to him as she's terrified" (other than the near-strangling, which is horrifying). This little girl has learned that the way to deal with bullies is to appease them. What sort of relationships might she get into when she's grown up if she doesn't unlearn this lesson damn' quick? "If I apologise, maybe he won't hit you/me again..." You so do not want your precious child to believe this is the way adults (should) relate to each other.

I'm OUT, since March, and even the other day DS asked me to pretend to be sad so he wouldn't try and make me sad by breaking my things or shouting at me.

I'm OUT, since March, and even the other day DS asked me to pretend to be sad so he wouldn't try and make me sad by breaking my things or shouting at me. :(

I'm out for seven years now and still go upstairs and cry if any of my things gets accidentally broken . In a nano second it takes me back to that time when any 'worlds greatest mum' ornament bought by my children or piece of glassware that had been my grandmothers etc.were all fair game when I 'upset' my EXH. In fact almost every such item I possess has been superglued (I'm a whizz with superglue ) at some point if you look closely enough. But ornaments can be mended with superglue - we cant - so please please get yourself out lovely - while you are still in one piece.

OMG the police most certainly would press charges. I feel for you I really do, I was in this situation for years, he never punched me or slapped me but he pushed and had me up against the wall many a time by my throat, that coupled with calling me a slag and bad names even though I worked and never went out the house but cared for my child when I came home. What done it for me was when he started doing it to the kids, and he will.

For me it was kill myself and my children, or get him to leave, he did eventually leave and I had to get an injuction, I had grief for 6 months, that was 17 years ago now, best thing I ever done.

Sorry - I didnt mean that to sound quite so scarey on re-reading it. Just trying to say these types usually only get more and more dangerous the longer you condone their behaviour by staying with them. But I really really am worried for you and any woman in your situation - I would get you all out to safety if I could.

Me too Fabbychic best thing ever.

You see Arrogant there is definitely a better life at the end of the tunnel.

You know what I love about my life the most now ?

Not waking up scared.

Should be a human right. Come to think of it - it probably is.

oops, by HE, I meant X, you know that right? DS is an angel, keeps me strong.

Its great going into your home with your children and knowing that you can be yourself, that your children will not be scared. That you can do anything you want and not have to answer to anybody, to pretend to someone you agree with them becuase you are too scared to have a mind of your own.

I hope the OP got out or got him out, I find it really sad that women with children have to leave their homes. If they rang the police the police would take the offender away and leave the woman in the home. She could then get an emergency injunction so that he couldn't come back.

There should be more help and advice for women.

I hope she is safe.

ahh HS I thought you meant your DS had picked that up from your EX iyswim - which would definitely no way have been the childs fault anyway obviously. But I understand now. Its amazing and very how much they pick up on really isnt it ? My ex never actually hit our children and I am sure I would have left him many years earlier if he had. But thats the nature of the beast really - make the victim feel worthless and as if its their fault and in my case it was like - 'well he's only hitting me' - so it doesnt matter so much somehow. But my kids knew what was going on and were very scared of him and it badly affected them indirectly - growing up in such a bad atmosphere etc - they have told me this now as adults. I honestly thought I kept them protected from all that and hid it well. Theyve families of their own now and have no contact whatsoever with their father without any influence from me I might add but by choice.