Powerful sexual fantasy issue

[cleaningtheoven]

Have name changed for obvious reasons. Me and husband have been together 22 years, two teenage sons, and are mostly very happy. We have one thing that has been an issue for a few years now, about 15 years into our marriage DH told me that he has always had a very powerful fantasy about seeing me with another man, being f by another man. Once he had confessed this fantasy it really took root big time, it really powers his sex drive and always has apparently. Long story short some time after this confession we experimented with the swinging world, and we indulged this fantasy quite a few times, had some really erotic threesomes, and met some couples, he enjoyed this hugely, I enjoyed some of the experiences very much as well,not all of them, but some, but, it wasn't something that came naturally to me as such, and I used to get very nervous before "a meet" but enjoyed it once things started flowing etc. Lately our circumstances have changed quite a lot, back then we had more free time, now with the recession we are having to work bloody hard just to stand still. DH would still like to pursue the fantasy but my feelings have changed of late and my heart just isn't in it anymore. The problem is when it comes to our sex life this fantasy is an obsession, what also doesn't help is that he is diabetic and sometimes struggles to maintain an erection so using this fantasy in the bedroom helps (as well as ocaisional use of viagra prescribed by doctor), the problem is he doesn't seem to be able to have sex with me without having to use this fantasy all the time, sometimes I find myself avoiding sex because I just don't want to go there, I want to have sex WITHOUT having to use the fantasy of me f another man or behaving like a slut with another man in front of him. It's been an issue for some time now and sometimes I wish he had never ever confessed the fantasy to start with. I have suggested relationship counselling or sex therapy but he won't go there. He knows it's an issue and says he can't help how he is. Is this some kind of sex addiction?
In all other areas of our life he is great, a lovley husband, great Dad and we both work extremely hard to keep our business going. Any advise?

[ScareyFairenuff]

Basic measure of whether or not you're paranoid.

If you are both curious and want to try something, fine.

If one of you does not like it, stop.

If one of you doesn't enjoy it anymore or doesn't want to do it anymore, stop.

If one of you is starting to feel used, degraded, unhappy in any way, stop.

If one of you is unsure, stop.

If both of you enjoy it, fine.

OP some of the language you've used to describe how you have been feeling is quite powerful. It's coming across to me that you really, really do not like playing the role of the slut all the time. I would suggest you knock that one on the head completely now and see how he manages without it. If he keeps coming back to it, the fantasy remains a problem. 'Naughty' nuns isn't so far away from that really but if you're both happy with it that's fine. Just beware sluts dressed up as nuns.

[solidgoldbrass]

Irather think that what Glenshee is getting at is: if the OP found the fantasy arousing too then there would't be a problem: there has been a touch of 'waa, waa, what a HOWWIBLE fantasy, proper love doesn't involve fantasies at all' in some of the replies. And it's also true that there is nothing wrong with the H having the fantasy, it's just that he shouldn;t be inflicting it on the OP when she's sick of it.
Maybe the naughty nuns thing will work OP, I wish you lots of luck.

[AnyPhantomFucker]

then why didn't she just say that ?

[izzywhizzysfritenite]

Dressing up as a nun won't do it for me as the habit brings to mind an image of Peter Cook and Dudley Moore and the Order of the Leaping Nuns of St Beryl but, heigh ho, whatever turns you on, OP.

I hope that your new role brings welcome relief (no pun intended) from the hackneyed fantasy but I suspect that, if your dh gets his way, you'll encounter numerous lecherous priests and lustful monks while you're making your devotions.