In love with someone else - help!

[ohgawdwhathaveidone]

I am engaged to be married to my long term boyfriend. We are not actively trying for a baby but not using protection either and have discussed having a baby next year. I thought I was happy with him and I was looking forward to the future but I have recently met someone else and I don?t know what to do.

Here is where it gets complicated because he is also engaged to be married to someone else. However, his culture is different to mine - which is not an issue in itself because my bf is from a different culture too - but this is an arranged marriage rather than a marriage to someone he is already in love with. Although his brother is married to a Scottish woman and they have a young baby together so why he is allowing the arranged marriage I don?t know. It?s not something I have discussed with him or want to discuss because it hurts to even think about it.

We see each other whenever we can which can be a bit tricky but when we are apart I can?t eat, can?t sleep , I?m restless and think of him literally every second of every day until I see him again. A few days ago we had sex for the first time and he used a condom but he told me afterwards that he didn?t think it worked. Stupidly I have done nothing about this.

I am crazy about him and I?m torn between telling him how strongly I feel and seeing what happens or breaking it off and being happy with what I have. I feel guilty for what I?m doing but at the same time I don?t want it to end.

Please help me make sense of all this!

Now this is funny....how can he not thing 'the condom worked'?.....bizarre

Do you think your fiancee deserved your infidelity?

Maybe he's the sort of guy that takes it off during sex, then tells her 'it might not have worked'.

Hope he's not got an STD if he's a player using 'non working' condoms

You should end it with your lover now. It can never go anywhere. You know this in your heart otherwise you wouldn't have described him as a player - you know ultimately he's no good for you. You may find the Ending Affair Support message boards on ivillage useful - people are kinder than they are on here coz they've been through it.

As for your relationship with your fiance have a long hard think about it. From the limited amount you've said about him he sounds pretty good for you so maybe you can be happy with him again. What about relationship counselling?

Good luck.

We always want more what we in reality cannot have.

This man is unattainable, yet you lap up every crumb.

If he was available you probably wouldn't feel so much.

YOu shouldn't be getting married though, you clearly are not in love with your partner.

pink4ever how judgementtal you are! Just because you have seen something on tv doesn't mean everyone is the same!

Grow up for god's sake. End it with both of them. The lover sounds like he's no good, and the fiance deserves someone who wants him.

Well I'm not pregnant so very relieved.

DP keeps asking if I still love him which is very odd for him. I think he is either having doubts or he knows that I am. He is a good man and would do anything for me but our relationship hasn't been without its problems.

He had an emotional affair with someone a few years ago and while he has changed a lot and tried to make amends I have never quite been able to move past it. And now I have done exactly the same to him. But I don't feel good about it, i feel like crap

as someone who married someone i should have, DO NOT DO IT. Having children makes it worse and you become full of self hatred.

should NOT have.