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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

21st Century Relationships

28 replies

kittyone · 13/09/2011 15:17

Hi,

Am new to this 'blogging' thing so i hope am doing this right???

The reason behind my blogging is due to bottling up my feelings for so long and i needed to get it out in the air! I am a new mum of one, it has been a wonderful experience so far and my daughter means the world to me! my husband and i got married over 2 years ago after first meeting four years ago. I love being with my husband and he loves being with me but i find it hard to have a relationship like we do when so many of our married friends relationships are so different i.e they have lads and girls holidays each year and dont spend time as a family. Iam constantly being told my life is boring and that we will regret the way our relationship is? A current issue between our friends and us is Stag and hen parties . We want to be with our baby and have a family holidays and hopefully have more children we have had our time partying and have been on our fair share of important hen and stag do's aswell as partying around at university. Whatever happened to good old fashioned relationships where life wasnt so much about partying and image all the time and more about families and growing up gracefully? i hope this makes sense

p.s i'm 24 x

OP posts:

worraliberty · 13/09/2011 15:34

I'm not really sure how you're making the connection with 21st Century relationships.

All couples are different some choose to concentrate more on each other and their families after they settle down, and some don't.

The important thing to do is what suits you and your partner...it's no-one else's business.

If you're being told your life is boring, that's only in comparison to the lives of the people saying it....and why are you bothered about being compared to people whose lives you no longer really identify with?

squeakytoy · 13/09/2011 15:37

This isnt a blogging site, this is a chat board :)

And to be honest, what other people enjoy doing is their business, and the same goes for you in your relationship, if you are both happy with your lives, then fine, nobody can force you to go to parties if it is not what you want to do.

I personally think 24 IS too young to settle down, and live the life of middle aged people, but everyone is different.

HairyGrotter · 13/09/2011 15:38

Fuck it, I'm never growing old gracefully. I'm single, have a DD, and I wear stupid clothes that make me look like a dominatrix, but you know what? I'm happier than most

I also love drinking.

I'm not even sure why I'm answering this, just felt like showing off I guess

mumsamilitant · 13/09/2011 15:45

hairyGrotter

I'm also a single parent with a non-live in partner and like it that way .

My sis on the other hand is attached at the hip to hers.

Each to their own huh.

Stormwater · 13/09/2011 15:48

Well, to me your life does sounds boring, but if you're happy, who cares? If it helps, I'm 35, have two kids and am pregnant, and still think I could manage to get dressed up and have some (sober) fun at a hen night, even [shock horror] if dh weren't there. Are you sure you're not protesting too much, and are secretly desperate to run away and join the circus?

MissPricklePants · 13/09/2011 15:52

im a single parent (im 25, dd is 28 months) and like hairygrotter i wear clothes that make me look like a dominatrix!but im happy as i am, if you are happy with your relationship then does it matter what your friends think?

MardyArsedMidlander · 13/09/2011 15:52

My grandmother was told by her lovely relatives that she would never have a baby as she liked dancing too much. She told me that she used to sneak off from her factory job and take the train down to London during the Blitz to go out dancing.

I am not quite sure what point you are trying to make- but I would be very sad if at the age 0f 22 I felt that I had done my 'partying'.

Cocoflower · 13/09/2011 15:56

OP do whatever makes you happy.

Perhaps these friends need constant distraction from others as they are not as happy as you as a family so look elsewhere for happiness, you never know why people say and do the things they do...

squeakytoy · 13/09/2011 15:56

I am 42, still dress in mad clothes, still wear my rock chick boots and still put random streaks of bright colour in my hair!.. I have absolutely no intention of turning into an old biddy for a long long time!

I am married (very happily!) but still go out with the girls, including mini-breaks, get pissed now and again, and make the most out of life.

I also still manage to spend plenty of time with my husband, and my grown up stepchildren and their kids...

It is all about finding a balance. Be careful that you dont get to 45 and end up wishing you had got a bit more out of life when you had the energy to do it.

ViviPru · 13/09/2011 15:59

OP do you really "find it hard to have a relationship like [you] do when so many of [your] married friends relationships are so different" ? If you pursue the preferred lifestyle that you're describing, you'll find yourself seeing less and less of those people and make more likeminded friends.

I'm the opposite, most of my friends are getting married and having kids and while I'm one of the oldest, I've done neither. None of them criticise my lifestyle though, or make me feel bad about it. Either you're being too sensitive or you need to shift your social circle.

Quenelle · 13/09/2011 16:01

There's no rule that says you have to live the same life forever. You're enjoying family life at the moment and want to do family things most of the time. But you might decide at some point in the future to take up separate interests and get out and about without each other, you might not. As long as your family is happy that's all that matters.

Tanif · 13/09/2011 16:01

If it makes you feel any better OP, I too fall into the 'boring for my age' category. I'm 26, and to be honest, by the time I reached 22/23 going out felt more like a chore than anything else.

DP and I liken our attitude to the conversation Joey, Chandler and Ross have on Friends: "I want to sit in a comfortable chair, and watch television, and go to bed at a reasonable hour!"

HairyGrotter · 13/09/2011 16:07

I think that it's wonderful, that we live in a place that allows all variants of relationships. My sister is married (fecking miserable), my other sister is a single, lives alone, childless, my brother is engaged, and I am a lone parent.

I am grateful that I can lead the life I want, and I don't judge the choices of others unless they ask for judgement. Although, the mere thought of marriage sends me running, in my 6" Iron Fist thigh boots, for the hills screaming. I like that people still have traditional values but don't need it sealed in a certificate, whilst I appreciate that others want to get into the institution that is marriage.

What a wonderful world

Renaissance227 · 13/09/2011 16:14

HairyGrotter you don't judge unless others ask for judgement?!

HairyGrotter · 13/09/2011 16:17

Yup ...or it's called advice, I get confused .

Some deserve open judgement tbf ha

Renaissance227 · 13/09/2011 16:20

They deserve it do they?! and I suppose you are just the person with the rite to do it!!!

Renaissance227 · 13/09/2011 16:23

P.S. Sorry you've had so many times you've had to fake it!! [wink}

HairyGrotter · 13/09/2011 16:25

Ah yes, you don't like me, how easy it is forgotten

Renaissance227 · 13/09/2011 16:33

Being a bit sensitive aren't you HairyGrotter?

HotBurrito1 · 13/09/2011 16:35

OP why is it hard to have a relationship like you do? Why does it bother you if people make comments? If you are doing what makes your family happy then what is the issue here? I am a bit confused.

HairyGrotter · 13/09/2011 16:36

Not that I'm aware of, but I'm not the one carrying over from other threads. I'll throw in a passive aggressive for you xx

Renaissance227 · 13/09/2011 16:37

So sweet of you!!

HairyGrotter · 13/09/2011 16:38

No worries, now lets stick to topic, hey dolly?

Renaissance227 · 13/09/2011 16:40

Ok sugar plumb fairy. Where were we? Oh yes, your rite to judge people. x

Stormwater · 13/09/2011 18:14

Is it like a rite of passage? 'Cause it doesn't sound that friendly to me Renaissance.

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