Not sure where to start. Bit of a long one and will be all over the place I'm sure. I had DS almost 3 years ago and at the time, we were living close to my in-laws. From the moment he was born - in fact, even before he was born - the comments started. MiL and Sil basically laughing in my face at things that were important to me - just the usual PFB things, but things that I thought would make him safe, such as laying him on his back to sleep, not wanting to use an old mattress that they'd given me, not wanting him to stay overnight at MiLs (Ok, that was because I didn't want to be away from him), having a temperature egg in his room, and there are tons more. I had a 2 day induced labour followed by an EmCS and was in hospital for a week and was anemic after but from the first day back home, MiL just wouldn't leave us alone. She came round telling me that I needed to send thank you cards to her relatives for presents and gifts and reminded us daily. She also kept popping round without ringing first and would stay all day just telling me what I was doing wrong. They would comment on everything I did and say things like "why is your mummy so silly" and "what is your stupid mummy on about", they even called DS a poor little mite because I didn't want him to watch Cbeebies - he was 6 weeks old at the time. The most hurtful thing they said is when I went back to work, they said that they felt sorry for him having such a cruel mum who would put him in nursery (really, they wanted MiL to look after him all week) which I didn't want. I had always intended for him to go to nursery and was vocal about that so it shouldn't have been a surprise. It's hard to explain and remember it all but at the time I felt totally inadequate as a mother and spent most of the first year in tears. I was also diagnosed with PND which they suspected - although, they still continued to dig at me.
My issue is that from the beginning, I would plead with my DH on a daily basis to talk to them and ask them to give me some space and he said he would but never did. He even said that I was being too sensitive. Anyway, a year or so went on and I got a bit more confident as a mum. They then started asking when I was going to start looking after myself, get my hair done etc as it "wasn't very stylish". Again, I asked DH to tell them to back off. I didn't think it was my place to and quite frankly, I didn't have the energy by then as DS was a bad sleeper and just getting through the day at work was a struggle. Over time, DH agreed that they were out of order but told me to ignore them. Not once did he ever tackle them about their behaviour. It went on and on for months after that so I asked work for a move and we ended up moving to the other side of the country. DH got a move through his job too, but he seemed happier to do that than actually tackle his family. Even when DH told them we were moving, he said that it was because of my job rather than the real reason. The long and short of it, is that we moved over a year ago and I still can't move on. I still feel huge resentment towards DH for not supporting me. I care about him but I don't like him at all. I feel hugely let down by him at a time when I was at my most vulnerable and I can't see a way past this as I have no respect for him as a DH. He is a fantastic dad, I can't fault that, but as a DH, I just see him as a weak person who is frightened of his own family - even when we go back to visit, he doesn't tackle them about the way they talk to me. I have trouble finding him attractive now, whereas, pre-DS, we had a great sex life. This sounds mad, but he also looks like his mum and when I look at him, I see her. When he talks, I don't have any interest in what he's saying, like he doesn't deserve for me to be interested in what he has to say. I feel like I want to punish him if that makes sense. I don't want to split up, but I don't want to be in a marriage where all we have in common is our DS. We get on ok day to day, but we are 2 parents living in a house rather than man and wife. I don't know where to start to make it better.
This is so long, I'm really sorry, but any advice would be great. Thank you for reading.