I've just walked out and I don't really know what to do now.. Am sitting in my car crying and shaking like a leaf because DP went into a rage and threw stuff around the flat. Not totally trashed but it was awful and I was really frightened. This was about an hour ago, I just put some clothes in a bag and walked out..
Been with DP for 2 and a half years and we've been through quite a lot together in that time. Tonight though, I feel like he's crossed a line. He is usually a wonderful man, is very loving and attentive etc but sometimes when he drinks he can be quite verbally nasty toward me. This doesn't happen every time he drinks, usually when he's feeling down or something shit has happened that day (like his ex telling him he can't see his DC). Most of the time when he drinks he's just extra talkative and jolly.
So anyway, a few weeks ago he lost his job. He's been distracted from it for most of the time since then by visiting family but they've gone home now so he's back to job searching. I came home from work yesterday to find he'd been sleeping all afternoon (and possibly drinking because I could smell beer but he denied it) but I brushed it aside hoping it would just be a one-off.
I came home today and couldn't get into the flat because he's lost his keys and he had mine. I was ringing the buzzer for ages and ages before he finally answered. Turns out he was asleep again but today it was a heavy, drink induced and he's been smoking cigarettes as well, which he knows I hate. He was acting very groggy and I was asking whats going on? why has he been drinking all day? has he searched for a job at all? etc. I was going on at him, admittedl,y but last time he was out of work it lasted a year and I just can't do that again! He wasn't answering and tried to push me out of the kitchen where we were standing so I'd stop asking him questions but I wouldn't be pushed out so he stopped pushing me and I walked into the kitchen saying "so what have you been doing all day apart from drinking? Anything?" that's when he flipped out and started throwing stuff all over the place, went onto the bathroom (still throwing anything in reach) and slammed the door.
I know I sound like a right harpy going on at him like that but I just don't know how to deal with his depressive episodes! I know I handled it all wrong but I cant take another year of supporting him, I feel like he isn't even trying to find another job! He really frightened me and I don't know what to do, am just sat here in tears.. Please don't tell me to leave him, I love him. I just want to know how to help him and let him know I won't tolerate this happening again.
He hasn't called or text since I left an hour ago. What do I do?? Do I go back and try to talk to him? Or do I go with my initial instinct and go and stay at my sisters for the night? Help!