Shall I keep quiet.

[goodangel]

Please dont harm me here.I feel very vulnerable and incredibly sad.I am not coping very well at all and dont know how to handle this situation.I will say briefly the facts.I left my husband almost a year ago amd moved to another country.
He always had hope for our marriage and we have two beautiful children.I did think we might be able to work it out for awhile but I ended it for good ( i thought) as I felt the reasons I left were not going to go away.Now he is home and we have been sleeping together and doing family outings almost every day for about four months.I have felt very alone and he has been so caring and helpful and kind.
I knew there was a woman he was seeing but he said it was very casual and she was a quite desperate for them to be a couple.Since he has returned there is many hearts, chocolates and teddies arriving in his mail almost daily.Of course he was probably holding onto her in case we didnt work out.
I dont want to be a part of this at all and know that this is not what I want for myself or my children so have finally ended it properly.This woman now has plans to move here permanently to be with my ex, she is giving up her career (and her husband).He is still ringing me constantly and trying to get me to talk to him but I am on NC. ( i do realise he is not all that kind and caring but can be very charming!)
It is a huge move and I feel like she needs to know, does she? Or is it just not my business at all? I just feel like if it was me and it has been in the past, I really wish someone would have warned me?Please be gentle.

I would like to say how incredibly kind it is of you ladies to respond to me in this way. I am very grateful for your wonderful wisdom and advice.I was reluctant to post for fear of getting 'in trouble'.
And you are all right.Please excuse any mistakes in my writing, i am running on very little sleep at the moment, partly due to my emotional state and partly because of children and wake-up calls etc..
TSMB, what an amazing post.I was left with strangers when I was young and I think that is what I find the hardest to walk away from.The comfort that comes with marriage. He gives me such comfort, noone else does.
But I slowly starting to realise there is comfort all over the place, in words,in music and movies, in friends, in my children, here.

I really loved (TSMB) how you said you coached yourself through it as well. I am up for coaching if you have any advice or experience on how you managed that.

GoodAngel You will (if you want to) find much comfort on here.

Marriage is only comfort if you comfort each other - you can't find comfort in it alone.

This man is a false comfort to you

The kind of "comfort" he provides is damaging you.

Thanks, GoodAngel.

Be positive. Look forward, not back.

Getting rid of the negative leaves a void. Make sure to try to proactively fill that void with positive activities like a focused, mind engaging hobby (mine is quilting) or exercise, (can you take a martial arts class? that would be a perfect antidote, imho) etc.

The "think happy thoughts" is such a cliche, but you know what? It works. I know, I know...but really, it does. I am happy to see flowers blooming, birds at the bird feeder, (can't wait for Christmas lights!). Pick out some happy things for yourself...a color, a song, a poem...and when your mind is slipping back to the tar pit of thoughts about you know who-you have something on constant standby for your mind to jump to instead. This might be referred to a "Change the Channel" of what is going on in your mind.

It is not easy to not think about something that has consumed you. It will take time and practice. Just get started, you'll get there.

Oh, I forgot to answer your initial question.
I would not tell the other woman anything.

She is part of your recovery package because the dirtbag will have her to focus on and thus be able to leave you alone sooner rather than later.

Later on, if you run in to her, you can give her a most sincere "Thank you" which will play with her head a bit if she hasn't figured anything out for herself.