Moving on from pil anger

[ledkr]

Hi all,i never thought about posting on here for advice but here goes.
Some of you maybe aware of my story but ill try to be brief.
I had dd 7 months ago,my 5th and dh's first baby. Pils live away and when visit arent helpfull and quite demanding even when i was heavily pg.
As the birth approached i discussed with dh about them being able to vist after the birth (elective section) but that i didnt want them staying overnightuntill at least the following weekend.
Dh aggreed and told pils towards the end of the pg.

I was due to have her on the mon which was great as pils couldnt come till the following weekend due to work.I had her earlier on the Thursay and so told dh they could visit in hospital as pil were understandably reluctant to wait until the following weekend.

They live 2 hrs awat so stayed on the Friday night then could visit at 3 the folloing day,i was going to come home after the visit which ended at 7.

They went off into town and then arrived at the hospital late at 5!
Then stayed but didnt leave so i started getting ready to leave,still sat there,i even had to ask them to go outside the cutain whilst mw checked me.

I was crying and said to the mw,i just felt tired and wanted to go home,mw sadi to pils "i think she just needs some peace and quiet" Mil said "yes we will just see them home safely and leave them in peace"

We all left the hospital at 8 I had to wrestlre my baby off her to dress her and she told dh and fil to walk on ahead with baby as i was slow.

They arrived at the house just before us,were inside with slippers on and blow up bed still up from preveious night.

I had told dd1 that when i came home we could have fish and chips and cuddle up on sofa with new baby.

Without me knowing Mil asked dh if she should get take away and i said well i had promised dd that we could have some but that we had planned on having our first night home as just us,(as he had pointed out repeatedly) Mil then said they may as well stay as it was late (her fault not ours)
Dh again said that they could come next weekend but t the moment we wanted to be on our own and that i needed time to recover form op and get to know baby.

Mil then stormed into the kitchen ranting to fil that "we have to go,we will have to eat in the car" Dh offered a snadwhich and she screamed "a sandwhich? we need more than a sandwhich we are hungry"
I was still sat on the sofa holding baby with my coat and boots on.
Dh lookd as if he was going to collapse so i said "just make them something to eat"

I then went to my friends down the rd with dd1 and 2 to have a cry.

Got back at 9 and they stayed until gone 10 watching tv even tho it was clear we wanted them to go.
Left reluctantly and we were up getting bottles sterilised and prepared until 11pm.

The next day baby was rushed into hospital with cleft palate,jaundice and pneumnia and pils came no where near us,didnt even call me to see how i was feeling.

The problem is now that i cant get past this.Much as i try i cant like pils and am angry with them and dh for it all. I feel i was denied my homecoming and dh and i will never have another child.
They still come to stay and do nothing apart from ask when the next meal is and dont do a thing with the baby.

It may sound ridiculous but i am struggling to move on from this,i have had some pnd which isnt necessarily due to this,dh is very guilty and blames himself for not being more forcefull but i dont see why he should have to be,he made himself clear and that should be enough.

I dread them coming and just feel hatefull towrads them.

How do i get past this as i know i have to for everyones sake and i dont want to go thru life with this anger.

Sorry its long.

[2rebecca]

It does sound as though your husband is part of the problem in the wedding case. Of course when he told his parents he was getting married they would then want to come, that was inevitable, it was unreasonable of him to tell them and then expect them not to come.
You say he "felt bad" but he should have felt bad telling them because then he was betraying you. If he didn't want to get married without them there he should never have agreed to it in the first place.
He does sound a bit of a mummy's boy and although you say he is laid back he seems to want their approval and not be prepared to let them get upset if they choose to get upset about something.
If my son gets married I would rather not go to his wedding if my doing so would upset his wife who wanted a quiet wedding. Your son's happiness and the happiness of his marriage should come before your own desires with stuff like this. They do seem to make everything be all about them and their short term wants, not seeing that that then damages their relationship with other people in the long run

[ledkr]

I think he is defo a Mumys boy rebecca they are a strange family tbh,like to have all these get togethers and send cards to every event for the whole wider family-im talking 2nd cousins boyfriends but then emotionally are void,my family is the opposite,no huge fuss re anniversarys but all there for each other and above all respect eachothers privacy and needs.
I am going to wait for the next crisis and come on here and run it by you all and get some good balanced views on a if im right and b how to approach it. To be fair he has been very good this time in insisting they couldnt come for the weekend its not really his fault if they dont listen and have an answer to every scenario. Next time it will be "no not that weekend,we cant manage it" which hopefully leaves them unable to come back with an answer,fingers crossed.

[2rebecca]

Start going out more. We have lots of sporting events at weekends so if someone turned up out of the blue they would find themselves dragged along to various sporting events no matter what the weather and would soon decide that arranging a weekend when we could pay them more attention was a better idea.
Fancy getting up at 7am on Sat so we can take my son to his hockey match and then spending Sunday travelling 1 hour to a cycling or duathlon event event? If not come a different weekend.