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Original poster

Do the grandparents smack your kids?

29 replies

bourneville · 09/12/2005 18:14

I was really shocked when a friend of mine told me that all four grandparents (of her ds!) smack her ds. My mum and a couple of my friends that I spoke to about it were also shocked. To my mind, the grandparents? role is to spoil their grandkids (unless they play a major role in child care) and I would be horrified if my parents smacked my dd, even if I smacked her myself (which I don?t, but this isn?t meant to be a debate about smacking as of itself). I wondered at first if I was shocked about it because I?m anti smacking generally, but a friend of mine who agrees with the odd smack was equally shocked at the idea of her parents smacking any future kids of hers (she has none yet) and said it doesn't even enter her parents' minds to (they already have 1 grandkid).

What are all your experiences & views, and advice for my friend?

OP posts:
LilacBump · 09/12/2005 18:16

they wouldn't dare! i don't think my parents ever would, they never smacked me. and as for DP's parents, i would never let them see my kids again if they did.

Nemoinapeartree · 09/12/2005 18:19

my pil who look after ds occasionally would not think to smack to DS but then we very very rarely have. Only a couple of occasions eg..trying to play with fire. We use timeout as punishment so grandparents do the same.

Nemoinapeartree · 09/12/2005 18:22

actually thinking about it dont know if my mum would but then she doesnt look after ds. She was always quick to smack when I was a child and if i found out she had I would go mad.

fireflyfairy2 · 09/12/2005 18:35

I'd smack them myself if they even tried it!!!!! Honestly!!

doormat · 09/12/2005 18:36

NO WAY

HappyMumof2TurtleDoves · 09/12/2005 18:37

No

collision · 09/12/2005 18:38

My parents have smacked my nephews but not mine as mine are angelic

Actually my parents have never looked after my ds's long enough to give them a smack.

And my bro doesnt know that his boys have been smacked!!

Original poster
bourneville · 09/12/2005 19:19

collision, that's even worse, not knowing!

OP posts:
chipmonkeys37today · 09/12/2005 19:21

MIL slapped ds1 on the face once.

CrystalmasJingleTips · 09/12/2005 19:22

No bloody way !

festiveface · 09/12/2005 19:45

thats out of order!
my mum once told ds2 that she would give him a smacked arse if he didn't stop shouting and carrying on, it caused a huge row and things have never been the same since!

SHHHHsantaiscoming · 09/12/2005 20:08

our dd is 6months old so we haven't been in a "smaking" position yet. I am totally against it but that said I have no idea how I would be in a "live" situation until I am faced with it...BUT if ANY of our dd's grandparents smaked her I would be vvvvvvvvvv annoyed. I find it unacceptable. If I found out they had but hadn't told me I don't think I could allow them to see dd....Smacking without telling...or even smacking on the face {exploding facial expression].....

cranberryjampots · 09/12/2005 20:10

no wouldnt even consider letting them see the children if they so much as thought about it.

Pinotmum · 09/12/2005 20:11

My dad told my ds (then 2 yo) that he would get a smack if he didn't behave and my ds put his fists up to him . My dad would NEVER have carried this out but I did laugh. My dad thinks my ds will be trouble at school but for the life of me I don't know where he learned to put his fists up.

myturn · 09/12/2005 20:12

my parents would think of it!

Cadmum · 09/12/2005 20:15

I just saw a grandpa smack his 9 year old grandson in a shop yesterday and it really made me appreciate the fact that at least I can trust my parents and PIL NOT to do that! (Mind you, we don't smack our children.) I would not know how to handle the situation if they did smack one of our children. I'd be tempted to smack them back for being naughty themselves and see how that logic grabbed them...

Glitterygook · 09/12/2005 20:16

No. I'm not saying I've never done it but I don't like it and I wouldn't like to think anyone would hit my children.

collision · 09/12/2005 20:24

It truthfully wouldnt bother me if my children were disciplined by my parents and i do think that if they felt they needed a smack then so be it.

Having said all that...I have smacked and I am not against it at all...depending on the situation etc

I wouldnt be shocked etc and threaten that my parents couldnt see them etc etc

fireflyfairy2 · 09/12/2005 20:42

I do smack, but that is when she ha been in danger or has done something totally out of order, I generally disagree with smacking as one can go too far in the heat of the moment. Discipline wouldn't bother me TBH, by this I mean where they SPEAK to her, as in "Please don't do that" not by smacking.. I definitely would be outraged and never leave my children with them again. Also, I know my mum would never raise her voice to mine never mind her hand.. MIL is a different story, but then she never sees them long enough and never on her own

BudaBabeInAManger · 09/12/2005 21:12

My Dad smacked my nephew once - he had almost run out on the road and Dad was shouting at him to stop and he just wouldn't - Dad got a fright and gave DN a slap on the bum. He told my sis and she was fine. But hhe felt really bad about it - uhnlike when we were kids and it was a regular occurrence!

DeckthehallswithFrumpyGrumpy · 09/12/2005 21:22

I'd be mad as sin. Its not their role.

QueensSpeechEagle · 09/12/2005 21:26

My dad once threatened he would smack ds1 if he carried on behaving like a shitbag.

It brought ds into line but on the quiet I told my dad it wasn't his place to smack my kids but ds was not to know that!

It's up to the parents if they want/do smack their kids. It's no one else's place to smack another person's child.

BadHair · 09/12/2005 21:26

Only as a last resort with ds1 - my mum has dses on days when I'm at work so does play fairly big role in childcare. I smack him too as a last resort so it's not a problem to me.
Has to be said that ds1 responds only to smacking, or threat of, at times. Ds2 responds to removing toys, time out etc, but one smack on ds1's bot through clothes is all that works when he's really got his pot on.

sugarbaby · 09/12/2005 22:04

My parents wouldn't dare smack my DS. I do think though, that if a grandparent has a big role in your childcare, then that grandparent shoul also disciplin in some form while the child is with them. My mother looks after my nephew almost more than my sister has him, and she refuses to disciplin him when he does wrong. He's 2 and is a little shit. not malicious, but he knows he can get his own way - if he has a tantrum dear mother picks him up and cuddles him! it really annoys me!

sorry gone bit off topic

sansouci · 09/12/2005 22:09

Never!