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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Sorry, need more help!

77 replies

wobblyknicks · 20/10/2003 10:08

Sorry, I'm probably boring everyone silly with my problems at the moment but I just need one tiny bit more advice.

Have decided 'trial period' isn't working out and I'm leaving DH. Will go into more detail later, no time now.

Do I leave now while he's in bed, not telling him but avoiding any confrontation? Do I wait and tell him and run the risk of him trying to guilt trip me or getting nasty? There's no-one now who can come over and be there when I tell him so I don't know what to do.

Just some quickie advice would be really welcome!

OP posts:

Blu · 20/10/2003 11:34

Take the PC!

Blu · 20/10/2003 11:36

No, not just for MN-ing, but it may help you find work if you need it, etc etc...anyway, who paid for it?

CountessDracula · 20/10/2003 11:39

Wobblyknicks, sorry to hear it didn't all work out, but you sound like you gave it a go. If you need any clothes etc send me an email as I have loads and can also parcelforce them down to you.

Best of luck ((((((((((((())))))))))))))

motherinferior · 20/10/2003 11:56

WK, thinking of you. A lot. xxxx

Jenie · 20/10/2003 12:04

Wobblyknicks, so sorry it didn't work out for you, I hope that things get better for you and that you find a place to be happy with your dd.

fio2 · 20/10/2003 12:19

good luck wobblyknicks, sorry you and your dd are having to go through this

Batters · 20/10/2003 12:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dadslib · 20/10/2003 12:36

Message withdrawn

Clarinet60 · 20/10/2003 14:25

Wobblynicks, good luck!!!!!!
Things can only get better from now on.
You have done the bravest thing ever, and we are all thinking of you.
Log on again when you are all settled and cosy in your new life.
xxxxxx

Twinkie · 20/10/2003 14:44

Message withdrawn

dadslib · 20/10/2003 14:51

Message withdrawn

Easy · 20/10/2003 14:59

Twinkie,

I think dadslib's contribution is very valid, thanks DL for posting it.
.
We do only have one side (I always remember that when my dh is telling me how his 1st marriage broke up, all HER fault of course).

I know you had a hard time Twinkie, I think I read all you posted in your previous alias, but everyone is diiferent.

Good luck WK, I know you'll need it, and I'm sure you deserve it too.

Blu · 20/10/2003 15:20

I think the main point of a communication with Mr WK would be, as DL identified, to encourage him (you?)not to react with anger, violence and a need for revenge, but something more thoughtful, constructive for his baby, and which might AVOID some of the terrible experiences Twinkie has had to endure.
Mr WK...if you are here, why not hook into Fathers Direct where perhaps DL and the other MN men could talk with you out of the MN glare?

tigermoth · 20/10/2003 22:37

Well said blu.

Wk, best of luck. Reading your messages here, I get the feeling moving out was the only thing for you to do. It felt right for you. I am glad you had the courage to be true to yourself. I don't know what happens next, but I'll be thinking of you and looking out for your next messages.

Original poster

wobblyknicks · 21/10/2003 18:51

Hiya! Finally managed to get back on, only for a minute or two but enough to post!!

Everything going ok at the moment. Mum and Dad are trying to persuade me that things can be put right - not going to happen! He comes round every day to see dd and keeps trying to discuss things with me - have to keep telling him I'm not ready. Definitely never going back to him, he's tried persuading me but he's so inconsiderate it's just made me more sure of my decision.

Thanks everyone for the advice - I've read it all and appreciate everything!!! So glad I've got MN to talk on - family are trying to help but they don't understand everything.

Trying to work out what to do permanently, can't stay here forever but mum and dad will be hurt if I say I want to get my own place sometime. Too much to organise!!! Just have to see how things go!!

Thanks everyone, I'll come on when I can, but might only be once or twice a week.

OP posts:

tigermoth · 21/10/2003 19:47

Wk, glad you're with your parents, even if it's not perfect. At least things must be a lot more peaceful and you really don't have to rush into any decision about where you will live, do you?

You'll have to work on them about using the pc. Can't you say you are looking up vital information - legal stuff, citizen's advice bureau website, and need to email some of your friends to tell them where you are, and also need to check your emails daily for info you have asked for - that sort of thing, so can you have more computer time?

good luck!

LIZS · 21/10/2003 19:52

Hi WK

Glad you sound more positive and less stressed out. Give yourself time before making any decisions and enjoy some time with your dd.

good luck

mammya · 21/10/2003 21:47

Thinking of you wobblyknicks. Be strong, good luck.

droopydrawers · 21/10/2003 22:35

You could give Shelterline a ring - it's a 24 hr freephone number - and they could give you info about your options housing wise. 0800 0808 4444. So glad to hear you are feeling OK. Was thinking a lot about you. Take very good care of yourself.

Batters · 22/10/2003 09:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WSM · 22/10/2003 09:33

Good to hear from you wobbly, so glad you and DD are safe.

Twinkie · 22/10/2003 09:33

Message withdrawn

Janstar · 22/10/2003 09:34

Good to hear you are okay, wobblyknicks. When I went to live with my dad with two littlies in tow, dad did drive me mad but I was so grateful to have his support and practical help. He babysat my daughters every night so I could go out (to work, mostly, but occasionally for a drink with my brother). It gave me a chance to take stock and straighten out my finances. I will always be grateful.

I will look out for your posts, please post when you can as you will be missed.

Original poster

wobblyknicks · 22/10/2003 09:49

Living with parents has at least given me some good breathing space but DH coming round every day is already getting me down!!!

Can't really say I need to look anything up on the net because parents expect us to get back together and at the moment it would seem harsh to them is I started looking at long-term separation even though that's what I'm set on. Oh well, just have to escape to MN a bit less now!!

Thanks for all the help, it's really nice knowing other people are out there knowing what you're going through and actually giving a s**t about it!!! Still remember last time when beetroot got out of bed with a huge hangover to check how I was doing!!!

At least things can only get better from here. I can't live with parents forever but will have to put off making other arrangements until everything else is settled. As we can't fit dd's crib in and she's outgrowing it anyway, I'm letting her sleep in a travel cot and I've done a thread about a mattress for it on Other Subjects so wouldn't mind some advice there!!!

OP posts:

suedonim · 22/10/2003 13:04

Nothing much to add, WK, but I just want to wish you all the best and hope it all works out okay. take care.

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