To be thinking of leaving my unabusive, perfectly nice dh?

[Dazedandalittleconfused]

Bit of backgroud- I´m 23 and married dh when I was 20 and 5 months pregnant. He is a nice man and I care about him a lot, he´s my best friend.The problem is I don´t fancy him, I´m not sure I am actually in love with him and I wonder whether I can just spend my whole life married to him, never having a chance to experience that real ´big love´. On the one hand we have a nice life and do get on well, but on the other hand I feel trapped and depressed. I feel like I´m only still with him so as not to disrupt our ds´s life and also because I dont even know how to get out.

'The OP has outgrown her boyfriend, she doesn't love him, yet on this thread she should stay with him? '

It's not a 'boyfriend'. He is her husband and they have a family together, a young child is part of this equation, too.

When you have a child, well, for most of us, anyway, it's not longer about me, me, me.

I highly recommend you do some reading on the lone parent board, too, OP, to get some idea of how that all goes.

She also admits to feeling depressed. That needs addressed first, as that is never a good position from which to make life-changing decisions.

And if he's your best friend, then you owe it to tell him how you are feeling rather than spring it on him, 'Oh, I don't feel you're my real 'big love' so I'm off.' Because that's not very respectful or courteous.

I'm sure OP would be very sensitive to her DHs feelings when they talk, it sounds like she respects him a great deal. She can't help the way she feels lachesis, it is not a crime, and it is not selfish. I for one preferred to be on my own than to be in a relationship that was not working for either of us. We don't know if it is working from her DHs point of veiw or not. Now, my ex and I both have long term DPs and are very happy. We also get along very well as friends.

'She can't help the way she feels lachesis, it is not a crime, and it is not selfish.'

I never said she was, only to get the depression treated first, get some counselling and do a lot of thinking, because once you have kids, it's not all about oneself.

yes, I agree about treating the depression first and equally many people with children (and without!) go through peaks and troughs in their relationships and this is normal of course. Not everyone thinks like me, many would hate to be a single parent.

I definitely think you can have passion and have Los. You have to both make it happen though write each other cards or letters for at work, text each other through the day so you are excited about seeing each other at night. I dont agree that things have to fade regardless of if you have children. Why do you feel depressed is it him or other aspects of your life as well?

I find it especially concerning that you say you dont fancy your husband and I agree with greencolourpack even after yearsit s hould be exciting to you to have your husband come home from work imo. Were you ever very romantic/attracted to each other because if you were you can get it back, but if not its probably best to leave.

Also though my husband was a teen groom and I was just turned 20. I still think you shouldnt settle for less than the big love, passion etc as well as best friend, like 2 pieces of a jigsaw etc. Its the rest of your life so dont settle for one or the other. I agree with norfolkbroad you cant ignore chemistry its essential imo