Been with H for 10 years and we have 2 young dcs.
For the last 8 years he has been difficult to live with to say the least. The best description of his behaviour would be passive aggressive behaviour (so silent treatment for days on end, not doing little things on purpose - like doing the washing up properly-, accepting things and then being ressentful and grumpy about it, putting me&dcs down - mainly through facial expression and little words not no insults iyswim). Not talking about anything is one of the big issue that I have.
18 months ago I told him I had enough, that our marriage was a sham - which he agreed. So I decided to pull back and let him get on with things and see what happen. In a year:
- he stopped some very hurtfull behaviour like walking away/reading a magazine when I was talking to him straight away (Actually very hurtful for me because it showed he had full control over this behaviour)
- Started to be a little bit more involved with family life/the dcs (but not enough not to organize one of his hobbies on his dc birthday)
- in the last few weeks, has started to be more affectionate again, to talk a bit more (let's say for 5min or so) but not enough to be able to hold a conversation with me during a meal at a restaurant. He wasn't even able to look at me in the eyes either.
I know a lot of his behaviours could be classified as abusive but I don't believe he is an abusive person. He just has no idea how to express emotions/affection (incl with the dcs). And when under stress (like when having the dcs), he is using inappropriate methods, probably more suitable to a toddler/teenager than an adult.
I want to leave him. I don't love him anymore. Too many things that have destroyed love and trust. I am not myself anymore as I spend too much time having to 'ease' things so that he doesn't get grumpy.
But.... I can see the very hurt person in front of me. I know that I will hurt him by leaving him and I don't seem to be able to get pass that. As if I haven't done enough to save our relationship. That I should try harder as he done so much effort already. I get the feeling that I am expecting too much from him (you know baby steps ect...) and I should be supporting him instead.
So my question (if you managed to read all that lol) is do I expect too much from him? Should I support him more? Or is it a case of 'Enough is enough, you need to sort yourself out on your own'?