Is this behaviour a bit weird and inappropriate or am I just a total biatch?

[MrsFlittersnoop]

DH gets terribly excited and slightly hysterical about everyday stuff.

Example -
DH: "I've just downloaded every single episode of "On the Buses"! ! EVERY SINGLE EPISODE!! Isn't that just amazing? That's incredible isn't it? How amazing is that?

MrsF: That's nice.

DH: We can watch them all tonight if you like!! Wouldn't you like that? We can have some tea and those biscuits we bought!!

MRsF: Errm, well, we'll see - I might have other things to do....

DH: Oh! I see! That's great isn't it! I just thought we might have a lovely evening cuddled up on the sofa together and you're not interested. Well thanks. I know where I stand then don't I?

I don't fake the same level of enthusiasm he goes into a terrible huffy sulk and can turn quite nasty. At best, I get accused of having so sense of humour/romance/sensitivity and at worst, of displaying hostility and contempt towards him. I confess I do find this behaviour needy, attention seeking and deeply irritating and sometimes find it hard to hide my annoyance. I just can't stand all the squealing like a girl and jumping up and down about the purchase of a packet of bourbon biscuits or watching bad 70's TV. Unfortunately his behaviour is now also being picked up on and criticised by my 15 year old DS, who has ASD and can be extremely blunt.

I passed my driving theory test today. I am, as you might imagine, rather pleased with myself, but it really wasn't very hard. Ever since I got home DH has been running into the room squealing, grabbing and squeezing me (very roughly) trying to pick me up (I am a 14 stone 6-footer ) and shouting "You've passed! You've passed! at the top of his voice. I had to ask him to chill our please, and now he is acting very offended and hurt.

Am I a total bitch? I feel guilty (again) for not matching his mood-swings. It's nice that he is so pleased for me, but honestly.

WWYD?

He sounds quite sweet.

I am such a cynical, miserable sod that someone like that would balance me out.

He isn't going to change so you just have to ignore him.

RufusTFirefly has said what I was going to - it sounds a bit like hypomania, especially since he's had the full on manic episode.

Coping strategy - sounds like you've tried them all - but perhaps just go with the benign "yes dear" and walk away. A but like Richard dealing with Hyacinth Bucket when she was up on her high horse about something.

To be frank, OP you sound like you might be dour, and one of those people who have no enthusiasm..for anything.

You statement is very telling I think " I passed my driving theory test today. I am, as you might imagine, rather pleased with myself, but it really wasn't very hard".

Talk about a wet blanket! You sound like you majorly lack any excitement or enthusiasm , whilst he appears to have lots.

Is he younger than you by any chance?

Also why do adults lose that childlike wonder, excitement and verve for life?

Surely it's much better than being miserable and grumpy, especially in this current climate where people are as miserable as hell...

Don't agree with your second post, Tenacity - especially as the OP's DH goes huffy, sulky and quite nasty if she doesn't respond "appropriately" to his OTT behaviour. That suggests he isn't genuinely a bouncy happy person, but is creating a bubble of excitment - when it's popped, he reverts to being unpleasant. It is not the OP's responsibility to maintain his over-excited state.

I had a "Tigger" friend once - almost nothing broke her down (we didn't go out of our way to try to bring her down but it was sometimes too much to bear). DH is a happy type as well, although not to the over-excited extremes of the OP's DH, and he copes fine with a flat response.

You sound like a grumpy boring unexciting person and he must over compensate to get you a little excited. But still you acting boring and responding hence the going off the railing because he is trying so hard and still no response from you...Are you normally placid, what people might say boring type, monotone is approach and too matter of fact? Give a little slack in day to day runnings and dont be too serious..

Blimey, you're the enthusiasm equivalent of Mr & Mrs Jack Sprat, aren't you?

I suspect I can see what attracted him to you in particular - your little put-downs must remind him of the gloomy childhood (though in a far milder form, one hopes!) so he comfortably goes along doing what he's always done, making sunshine when it's cloudy. Not sure how this works from your pov, though. Did you feel you had to bring folks down to earth when you were a kid, perhaps being the practical child with airhead parents? Or something like that?

You've said he gets the hump when you don't share his enthusiasm, but you also said you have tried responding in kind. What happens then?

I'm kind of thinking this is just what you two do. Is there no chance of accepting that, so you can maybe give each other a bit of a "Here we go again " response when it all gets too much, but otherwise carry on as normal?

Alternatively, you might lighten up a bit - leave off the joy-killers like "it wasn't that hard" - and he might not feel he needs to try so much? Or he might be going manic, in which case you can come back here and go "TOLD YOU SO, he's just been on the news doing a naked stand-up comedy routine at Marble Arch in rush hour."

I do have some sympathy with him. I'm a depressive and developed a habit, early on, of seeing the glory in the everyday. Marriage to a misery guts killed that stone dead, and I'm having to teach myself all over again. Gimme another couple of years, I'll be as annoying as your H! Not with On The Buses, though. I've just downloaded a zillion Doctor Who episodes

I missed out one important piece of my post. Sorry.

Are you trying to say the enthusiastic planning is actually a form of control?

I think some of you are reading too much into the OP's behaviour! just because she doesn't have orgasms over the idea of On The Buses and a packet of Bourbons doesn't mean that she doesn't get pleased/ excited over stuff! But faced with extreme OTT-ness might dampen her natural reaction anyway - I have found myself that if the other person has a very strong reaction, then mine is more muted because I don't need to add to the already heightened atmosphere.

There are in-between stages, you know! give the poor woman a break.

He sounds hypomanic and irritating as hell to me, but more importantly (assuming the hypomania doesn't need treatment), he sounds incredibly egotistical - particularly getting the hump and coming up with a "you're being mean to fragile little me" excuse when OP doesn't respond in kind.

Why does it all have to be about him coping with his difficult childhood - does he realise that actually most of us have had one of those, or a difficult adulthood, or something? Rather than constantly drawing attention to being products of said difficult pasts, many of us have completely independent ideas on how to behave that are about how we would like ourselves/others to be, instead of being about how others have treated us in the past. One of the salient aspects of how many of us like ourselves and others to be is being self-sufficient, which is how the OP sounds, rather than needy, which his how the OP's husband sounds. Maybe he would like the idea that he can have a deeper connection with others if he looks at them from his position as a self-sufficient adult interested in the other person in and of themselves, rather than as a reflection on his concerns about his own past.

In short, it's not all about him. Yes, it's great if he's happy about downloading stuff and wanting to watch it, but his happiness shouldn't require OP or anyone else to be joining in, and especially shouldn't require guilt if it's not reciprocated. Happiness should be self-sufficient.

(And for anyone who has worked out who I am, yes I used to complain endlessly about how this, that and the other colleague had mistreated me terribly and my mother had said this and my father had done that and weren't they all horrible to me... and then vampirishly suck my life from the sympathetic responses that a few people gave.... and that people gradually stopped giving. It took quite a long time for me to listen to myself and grow up. Once I stopped seeing the world as a vehicle for sympathy, it was INCREDIBLY relaxing. I could take notice of all the nice things instead of keeping a mental tally of all the horrible things. And everyone else is much more interesting, viewed neutrally as adults who have their own issues and ways of relating to the world. ok /rant)

Hmm, it does sound quite annoying but I was with him until the sulking. WTF is that about?! It's quite immature.

I do think an important part of marriage is putting up with each other's foibles. DH gets really excited about some things, or goes on about football a bit , but I nod along looking vaguely interested until he says "sorry, you really don't give a rat's arse do you" :o

When I'm the one getting excited about something random DH just smiles and says "you're so pretty" (funnily enough that's a Friends reference)

Can I just put my goody-two-shoes hat on and ask, did he actually pay for the downloads or were they illegal? If the latter I would be extremely pissed off.

"he sounds incredibly egotistical - particularly getting the hump and coming up with a "you're being mean to fragile little me" excuse when OP doesn't respond in kind."

He sounds egotistical and attention seeking to me too, and I don't like the way he gets nasty turns it back you OP as if you've attacked him or something. And you've done nothing of the sort. You're just being normal. He comes across quite intimidating actually - it's like a big act - and if you don't humour him his pride is injured.

Perhaps you've been a bit distant and joyless of late, and he's trying to jolly you out of it, and get some communication going again? It sounds really annoying I agree, but maybe he is feeling vulnerable and confused. Maybe his shirty reaction is just defensiveness because he can feel that you don;t love him like you once did.