DP's drinking getting too much

[thiscantbeit]

Namechanged here.

I've just had a really traumatic couple of hours with my partner. Without wishing to go into too much detail, he drinks quite heavily. This has never caused him major problems, i.e. he's never lost a job or relationship over it.

Usually drink just makes him a slightly exaggerated version of himself, slightly louder, slightly funnier etc etc.

Occasionally though, it makes him very angry. He's never laid a finger on me, or, to my knowledge, on anyone else, but he occasionally gets very, very loud in his shouting and slamming things around.

Tonight it all got a bit out of hand and involved the neighbours. My kitchen is covered in broken glass and I can't stop crying. DP is now, thankfully, fast asleep in bed.

The neighbours threatened to phone the police. I'm really worried this will (has?) get totally out of hand and turn into a full blown feud with the neighbours. DP's (drunk) view is that he can do what he likes in his own house and that I should 'back him up' and not 'kowtow' to the neighbours.

I'm just exhausted by it all, tired of being on edge when he drinks, tired of arguing, tired of hangovers.

Don't know what else to say, really. Sounds trite, but everything else about him is really excellent and I don't want to believe something like this will break us up. If anyone has any advice that would be really helpful.

It doesn't really matter if they knocked on the door to say that your wallpaper was too loud, the fact that your DP 'became very aggressive towards them. Threatened them etc.' and that there's glass all over your kitchen floor is the problem.

i would be very pissed off if my neighbours were playing loud music at 9.30 pm - how totally inconsiderate your partner is.

he has a problem if he cannot control his drinking, or his aggression, yes. will he see it?
he sounds as though he should be ashamed of his behaviour tbh and your neighbours have a point.

Puffin, you're right of course.

I know that whatever they said there's no excuse for his behaviour.

Thanks ladies. Need to sleep now but will try and remember to come back in tomorrow.

in? on.

There are lots of ways to be a bad neighbour, and one of the worst is to be the kind of neighbour who harasses people who live near you by constant complaints about everything.

These people have form for this, so the fact of their complaint is far from proof that there was any kind of problem.

Your DP sounds like he could do with cutting down on drink, but having a row with persistently unreasonable neighbours doesn't make him a bad person.

He must have shoved that chair on wheels quite hard if there was glass all over the floor.

I realise you have invested heavily emotionally into him but is he really worth all this?. Love should not be such hard work honestly. You ended up crying in the kitchen and your man was fast asleep afterwards. Who has cleared up the mess, you I suppose.

His violent and aggressive behaviour borne out of drinking too much is impacting on other people as well.

Do you honestly think he will give up drinking in January; how many times has he uttered similar before?. What's wrong with giving up drinking (or smoking in your case) NOW?.

Alcohol too is a cruel mistress and it has already come between you.

ok

so he "will give up drinking in the New Year" ? Which year is that then ?

and you will "try to remember" to come back here tomorrow...

okey-dokey

< hopes to be proved wrong >