Haven't spoken to narc Mother for nearly a week, my strength about not ringing her is waning......

[DrNortherner]

Anyone who knows me on here knows about the background.

I called her last Weds and we had words. I remained calm throughout. She shouted, wept and wailed. It was over a family party for her sister taht was taking place at teh weekend. My Mother was doing her usual moaning, said she wasn't going to the party as she was the last to find out about it (she has 5 sisters) and she didn't like the words my Gran used when she invited her ("If you can make it you are welcome to come"). Plus, she was upset that it was suprise party and no one organised her a suprise party when she turned 60. Even though she had a pary organised by me and Dad. Then she went on to moan about another sister who excludes my Mum from lunch invitations at her, despite the fact my Mother slags this Aunt off to anyone who will listen and never has a decent word to say about her. Then she moaned about how lonley she is, how no one ever rings her and no one visits her......

I calmly, yet firmly told her she needs to stop being so negative and no wonder the aunt excludes her as she says awful things about her. I told her I had a good relationship with this aunt which my Mother ruined (jealousy). I said I can't balme her family for not ringing/seeing her much as all she does is slag them off and moan. I told her (again) that it is draining to deal with and she needs to realise that instead of crying about how everyone is mean to her, look at how she behaves and chenge her behaviour. I explained they were her family, there was a prty coming up, she has been invited, she should go and maybe even offer to help with the organsing. Instead of slagging off the aunt who always organises the family stuff.

Of course, all of this was met with 'Why should I?', 'I't's not me it's them' and 'Oh so I'm a terrible Mother am I?'

Then she hung up on me.

I know she went to the party as my Aunt texted me to say my Mum stole te show by belting out a Tina Turner number So, I get it in the neck whilst she has the time of her life.

So, i have not spoken to her for a whole week by tomorrow. This never happens, I usually call her every other day. I am holding out, but I know she will be upset and expecting me to apologise.

So, be the bigger person and call her or sit it out and see how long it takes her to call?

Apologies it's so long, thanks for reading.

Please don't let this woman sully your memories of your dad! Her comment about stopping him saying things to you is rubbish, you know it is! She's, as suggested by Katisha, rewriting history - and doing it in a way that she can't be challenged as it's your gut feeling against her "memory".

She's being manipulative to make you depend on her, not the memory of your dad, as she needs you to need her. It's unacceptable! Maybe you could look for a therapist with experience in dealing with children of those with PDs, and they will be able to help you sort through this.

Narcs are consummate liars, and they utterly believe their own lies. They really really mess with your head. My gran used to rewrite history so emphatically I used to think I was going insane.

My gran messed with my dad's and aunt's heads until even though she utterly ruined any life chances that came their way they still felt guilty if they hadn't visited her, done her laundry, rung her, done homage etc etc.

In the end you either sit there with "dum de dum" running in your head while they spout crap, and really vindictive crap as well, or you just never go near them.

I do think you need to deal with your guilt because it's not you, it's her. She uses lies etc to manipulate you into believing that you are the nasty one here and she is the victim. It's the classic narc script.

Only call her if you actually need something. Seriously. It will get you nowhere.