I cheat.....

[cufuddled]

Ok I understand that is quite a statement to make.

I am, although you probably won't believe me, happily married and have been for over 10 years. We have one DD

Most areas of my marriage are solid. We get on very well, we are very good parents, we have a great home and both work very hard. One area is lacking and always has.............SEX.

I have a very high and greedy sex drive. DH hasn't!!! He is a little older than me, we can talk about most things but unfortunately sex isn't one of them. I feel he would be utterly embarassed if I was to discuss our rubbish sex life.

I want a spontanious and firey sex life which I just don't have with him, so I get it elsewhere. No romance from other men just sex!!!

If I go out on my own and am chatted up I will follow it through......I am also ashamed to say that something recently happened with one of his friends ( a first)

Yes I know I am a very very horrible person but I can't think that my life will be sexless (ish) for the next 30 years or so!!!

I love him dearly and have no intention of leaving him but I need more than what I am getting, has anyone else ever experienced this?

Re. your comment re. the friend... sex never 'just happens' though. Stop making excuses re. your continual cheating and the friend. You have made a series of conscious decisions that led to you cheating with strangers and your husbands friend.

You will most likely get found out and your husband be hurt, angry and quite probably decide to end the relationship.

Talk to your husband before the choice is taken from your hands.

Yuk yuk yuk 'it did JUST happen'

Are there any more cheat cliches you'd like to trot out?

Your repition that you love your H is worth diddly squit isn't it? God save us all from such 'love'.

Get a grip OP ffs.

ok I knew I would open myself up to many varied comments....

confidence I actually find your view refreshing...........

you can have a good relationship that misses some elements, can't you???

I don't know if we have been together too long to open that can of worms........ to discuss our poor sex life etc.

There is noting else missing other than that!!

Okay, try to think about it this way:

You say you love him. I reckon I may therefore safely assume that it is your wish for him to be happy and relaxed and for other people to treat him with kindness and respect, yes? And that it would upset you for other people to mock or disrespect him? Trample on his feelings?

The thing is: most people engaged in a supposedly heteromonogamous relationship actually experience cheating as all of the above. Being cheated on is devastating. It makes you wonder what the hell is wrong with you - even when your partner is the one at fault. All these things you'd presumably find horrible if someone else did them to him!

I understand what you are saying re. having to spend the rest of your life having an unsatisfying sex life. Not something I'd want. But the way you're going about it is disrespectful and potentially very hurtful to your poor husband.

Talk to the man, FFS!!! Depending on your conversation you may then stil have several options.

Maybe your DH is happy to have a more open relationship? If so you only gain by speaking with him.

If he isn't, you'll still gain the sense that you've done the right thing.

You may need more in terms of sex. Quite possibly, though, your man needs more in terms of honesty and or fidelity just as much, though IYSWIM.

If you really love him - him, not having him around - you owe it to him to let him make his choice - you've obviously made yours.

Why are you telling us? Did you want a row or to be told you were right/wrong.
As someone who was cheated on i can assure you that you really dont love him because if you did you could never humiliate him by shagging somone he presumably sees as a friend and spends time with all the time not knowing that he has shagged his wife.
I understand your need for sex but fgs grow up and do it properly.

And, yes, you can have a good relationship that misses some elements. FWIW, I am married to a man who fancies men more than women - giant 'element' IMHO. We're happy with each other and both monogamous.

But this only works if there is openness and honesty and mutual respect. Cheating on your spouse because you have decided you simply need more sex regardless of how he feels is not precisely conducive to any of these.

Tell me OP, how would you feel if you found out your DH had in fact been having great sex with other women for the last 3 years?

Is cufuddled the same poster as confuddled then ?

Poor name change, if so

Why not just post in your usual name ?

You don't seem much arsed if your husband finds out about your skanking anyway, do you ?

Maybe he isn 't having fiery sex with you as he is having it with someone else.

Is cufuddled the same poster as confuddled then ?

I'm not getting that one either?!

Let's hope so, eh, Fab ?

Holy Jeff!

My bad. Lack of sleep as my DS had me up with the screaming abdabs with this.

So sorry to have got my wires crossed.

Ignore those posts, will get them deleted.

SORRY!

Just to clarify - as far as I know, Cufuddled is NOT CONFUDDLED. Sorry again OP.

< passes the Pro plus to Mousey >

Have reported the posts that needed removing (pointing towards Confuddled).

But want to repost this if the other goes.......

You know what you are doing is wrong and yet you clearly couldn't give a tiny rat's ass otherwise you'd stop.

Your DH (AFAWK) doesn't beat you, or abuse you, he loves you, wants to be with you, supports you, respects you by not cheating etc.........

Hell, he doesn't even deprive you of sex, he just doesn't do it as often and how you like it.

How utterly awful for you.

Thanks AF

< here's a Red Bull chaser >

I think confidence 13:31 is just who you're looking for curfuddled.
You'd make a perfect couple.

Absolutely AF .

One word, begins with S and ends with T (4 letters )

If you can't talk to your husband about sex, what parts of yourself are you holding back from yourself, too, and why? This feels ... split ... and it doesn't feel healthy. I can see a healthy way of engaging in relationships where you don't necessarily have sex with your primary partner, but this isn't one of them.

If it were, you wouldn't need to come on to this discussion board.

How do you know that your DH wouldn't be up for popping some viagra and going for all all nighter? Or exhibitionism/group sex/mongolian cluster fucking? If you don't talk to him, you'll never know. Whilst you're off having routine one night stands how do you know he isn't on the webcam with your underwear on, an orange in his mouth wanking into a bowl of jelly?