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Original poster

Why do men do this...dissapearing act??

72 replies

Betty79 · 09/08/2011 18:56

Just need a rant and to get this off my chest really. Been dating someone since early June that I met off a dating site (started chatting in may) so not that long. Just seeing each other as and when, had some lovely dates...always got on well, lots in common. Nothing physical happened until a few weeks ago, until then it was just kisses good night. I wasnt really that attracted to him at first and he grew on me really. Anyway to cut a long story short he suggested we have a night out, and as he works early shifts he took the day off. Had a lovely night out and I stayed over at his. This is where things seem to have gone wrong. He started backing off, cancelled next date, then ignored me. So I must admit I sent him a text saying he had suprised me and I didnt think he was like that, as I genuinely didnt.

Anyway after telling him what I thought, he tried to tell me he had just been busy! Which you might say is fair enough, but when someone has been texting you every day since may always making all the first moves and they suddenly cant even be bothered to text you back it doesnt sit right. So we didnt text for a week. I ended up texting him a week later, and he replied saying he used to get accused of all sorts from his ex so just ignores everything now and thats why he ignored me.

So we starting talking again and I suggested we do something for his birthday which was last week. He then invited me to his place, made me dinner and we sat chatting all night, I stayed over again. He went away at weekend and I havent heard from him since! I text him sun to ask if he had a nice weekend, then casually sent another yesterday...nothing...nada??

I just dont get it, how can a man go from spending a lovely evening with someone, telling them how lovely they are, how nice they look to ignoring them? Is it me or is it just weird behaviour. I could understand if we didnt have much in common and conversation had been stale, but it wasnt. Is it just a man thing, or am I missing something?

OP posts:
Poshbaggirl · 10/08/2011 07:51

I think we know that oleblueeyes is late forties with 10 girlfriends? Am i right? Yes i thought so.
Is there an emoticon for ?

Poshbaggirl · 10/08/2011 07:58

The internet dating thing is a hell hole. Its like a sweetie shop for men wanting a shag. If you suspect anything weird go with your female intuition. YOU WILL BE RIGHT. They are 95% looking for a shag and cant believe how easy it is. It will be really difficult to find a red blooded male online who has a one at a time policy. If they are not focusing all their social energy on you, they are sharing themselves around. Listen to your inner voice. Believe me.

FreudianSlipper · 10/08/2011 07:59

because he does not want a relationship there is nothing wrong with that they only thing wrong is not admitting that but have you had that conversation? you can enjoy someones company, find them attractive, have sex with them and not want anything more not need to talk to them until you see them again, there is nothing wrong with that this is the relationship i had and was very enjoyable

do not look into it any further by trying to work out how he feels, its not that he is scared to get involved there jsut is no emotional involvement but he might still find you atrractive

anothermum92 · 10/08/2011 11:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

oleblueeyes · 10/08/2011 15:54

I am honest and occasionally I am a wanker, so I don't think I can disagree with your assessment miss size 10.

holyShmoley · 10/08/2011 16:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

oleblueeyes · 10/08/2011 21:02

Ta very much....I think. :)

ninah · 10/08/2011 21:35

she did get to know him first! and he was into her! hence the op
I should think you're on the way to forgetting already betty Smile
have a lovely holiday and if he texts you when you get back you know what NOT to do Grin

WillIEverBeASizeTen · 10/08/2011 21:41

OBE A GSOH too! I'm beginning to like you Hmm

Now, as you are being so honest, could you please explain this type of male behaviour. I may be letting the side down here (apologies ladies) but I would like to have an understanding of why wankers men do this Confused

oleblueeyes · 10/08/2011 22:24

Don't get to like me miss size 10. I'm not
as nice a bloke as I should be, as you can probably tell
from my posts.
And why do men disappear? Same reason women do
I suppose.
They do it too you know.

WillIEverBeASizeTen · 10/08/2011 22:32

OBE Honesty again...admirable...

Clearly I am very naive Blush

AnyFucker · 11/08/2011 00:04

what have we here ?

a fucking knocking shop ?

take it to pm you two....

WillIEverBeASizeTen · 11/08/2011 00:17

Gee thanks for the advice AF

solidgoldbrass · 11/08/2011 01:43

FFS, whoever recommended MarsVenusandTalkoutofUranus needs to be taken outside and have their head flushed down the loo. The whole of John Gray's work is random, unsubstantiated, fuckwitted sexism. He has no professional qualifications in the area of human relationships and is a complete knob.

Anyway, plenty of women decide after a couple of shags that this particular bloke is actually not what they are looking for. This isn't a bad thing. OP if you are operating under the delusion that allowing a shag means the man is then Your Partner then you are doing yourself no favours whatsoever. This bloke doesn't want to have a couple-relationship with you. Move on and don't fret about it. However good you might have found the shag, the bloke isn't what you are looking for.

Original poster
Betty79 · 11/08/2011 07:19

Yes I'm not that naive to expect a couple-relationship after a shag, just a bit if respect! As ninah said I did get to know him first and didn't jump into bed with him, hence the confusion. But thanks for all the advice anyway.

OP posts:
Whatmeworry · 11/08/2011 07:36

It's not just men who do this btw, plenty of women disappear rather than end relationships face to face. I suspect that the first shag is quite a go/no go decision time.

Original poster
Betty79 · 11/08/2011 08:12

Yep im sure men and women do it, maybe it's more about personality than gender, anyway there's no point wondering is there. End of the day Its happened, nowt I can do about it now!

OP posts:
anothermum92 · 11/08/2011 13:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

mumsamilitant · 11/08/2011 13:35

Another "pick yourself up and dust yourself off" situation i fear, here's a hug for you as its not nice. He's a dickhead that doesn't have the balls to let you know he's moved on. You've done absolutely nothing wrong.

piano10 · 12/08/2011 11:44

He obviously only wanted to get you into bed...He doesnt seem to care that much. He likes his freedom...ditch him....after telling him what you think.

oleblueeyes · 12/08/2011 11:59

I hate to say it, but sometimes there can be dealbreakers once the shag has happened. I'm not saying for one moment that this is the case with the OP, but there could be off putting things such as body odour, hairy nipples, weird vocal noises and moans, farting, fanny too wet or large (sorry to be crude)
The list is endless.
Of course it could also simply be bad sex that's the off putting thing.

AnyF · 12/08/2011 12:52

Do you get much action at all, oleblueeyes ? Hmm

ImperialBlether · 12/08/2011 12:53

Oh god, oleblueeyes, you've made me want to vomit!

oleblueeyes · 12/08/2011 13:42

I'm sorry.....but it's true.
Put the shoe on the other foot. What if the OP had had sex with the bloke and he turned out to have a tiny penis. Would it not be a factor in her deciding whether she would see him again, even if they were a bit loved up prior to the sex?
See, these are the the crucial details that should be required to be displayed on dating websites.
Forget about how many times a week do you work out blah blah blah.
Instead have
'Have you got a massive fanny ?'
'Have you go a tiny penis ?' etc etc

I doubt Match affinity would stick those two together eh?

lubeybooby · 12/08/2011 15:54

Actually oleblueyes, not everyone is so shallow.

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